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I don’t want DD to change her name.
372

LemonBeachTowel · 20/11/2018 15:38

DD is 13. She had recently been saying she wants to change her first name as it is “old fashioned” and says that with our surname it sounds like an old ladies name. I’m heartbroken as it is a name we picked for her because we loved it. We can’t really shorten her name and we’ve never used the associated nickname. I just can’t my head around calling her something else. AIBU to keep calling her by her name?

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MumsTheWord92 · 21/11/2018 12:13

My real name is Danielle, wasn't too keen on it as a kid so I was Danni to my friends. Had a friend called Rebecca she was BB (pronounced bee bee) to friends. A group of girls I was sort of friends with decided to give me the nickname Lola 🤷🏻 I knew a guy called Connor, were friends a year before I actually found out that his actual name was David but he went by his middle name. Let her use what ever name she wants around her friends but just make sure she knows the difference. Personally I'm not a fan of the name but then others won't be of my daughters name, so...

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londonmummy1966 · 21/11/2018 14:08

I find this funny (sorry OP - I know it isn't) but my 14 year old would prefer to be known as Rose - one of her middle names. When she was 9 she went away on a summer camp and when I collected her I discovered that she had got everyone to call her Rosie all week. Also, a large number of dolls and toys (plus a stranded baby seagull) were called Rosie throughout her childhood....

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Sheitgeist · 21/11/2018 14:20

londonmummy1966

Please see my near identical post somewhere above! Grin

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Racecardriver · 21/11/2018 14:23

I knew a rosemary growing up who wanted to change her name to Shakira Grin

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abacucat · 21/11/2018 14:31

I didn't like my name as a kid, but that was mainly because I had difficulty pronouncing it and was embarrassed when asked my name that I struggled to say my own bloody name.

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sayanythingelse · 21/11/2018 15:13

Rose is lovely. It was my Grandma's name so it could be seen as old lady but those names are back in fashion now. DD has a typical old lady name and there are babies at her playgroup called Beatrice (Bea), Arthur, Dorothy (Dottie) and Mabel.

She'll forget about it. I'm in my early 30's and I have the name of a woman who's typically in her 50's/60's now. I begged my mum when I was in school to let me change my name to Natalie. All the girls in my class were called Laura, Rebecca, Jenny, Claire, Lindsey, Natasha, etc and my name seemed SO dated. Now I love it, it's mature and uncommon in my age group. My mum still reminds me all the time that I used to want to be called Natalie.

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kateandme · 21/11/2018 15:38

sometimes I think I know exactly how the mn will respond and this wasn't it!
I thought people would say tell her shes a child and suck it up until shes 18 then she can do as she wished.
I suppose there is a difference between hating your name and it being how most kids of a certain age just wish to rebel and test the walls wherever they can,name included. and then there is the its effecting there health cant stand the name.
but I also think there is a quick fix thing to lots of problems.adult lost the ability to say im ur mum so it just is such and such.now it bend down to their level and talk to"little cumberland jonty" about it
I hated my name.and im so glad my mum didn't come up with name change or I didn't get this into my head that it would be possible.
I think I would be sad now if I didn't have the name mum and dad chose for me at birth.but then im a sappy git.

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TheLittleDogLaughed · 21/11/2018 17:32

Ask her to choose an alternative name and live with it for 12 months. If she still stands by the choice, go with it. Chances are she won't but even if she does, there's some hope that she won't regret changing it.

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Sarahrellyboo1987 · 21/11/2018 17:40

When she is 18 she is free to do as she pleases. It’s not your choice.

However - I think Rose is a beautiful name. With all these “unique” names going round today...the only unique names are traditional names! Be a beautiful Rose!

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EenyMeenyMo · 21/11/2018 17:43

lots of girls change heir name at some stage generally to a nick name /abbreviation etc My niece changed hers to her middle name.
It's difficult if she is staying at the same school etc as it's hard to change - even more so if the new name has no real connection to her. What is her middle name- can she abbreviate that? What do her friends currentlt call her.
Rose Tyler in doctor who is quite a cool character - not old fashioned - maybe watching that will reconcile her!

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puddleduckmummy · 21/11/2018 17:44

My Dneice went through a phase of telling everyone her name was Dave. If you called her by her actual name, she gave you a stern look and told you in a voice that brooked no argument that her name was Dave! She was 10 then and she doesn’t do it anymore but I was sure she’d be off to change her name to Dave at the first opportunity. Hopefully she’ll realise that it is a lovely name and it’s her name x

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EllenMP · 21/11/2018 17:49

Give her a reasonable period of reflection (a couple of months) and then agree to it if she still feels that way. It's her name and it's far more important that it feel like a fit to her than that you like it. There is no need to change it legally until she is an adult, so she can always switch back if she likes. A variation on her first or middle name would be easiest, but leave it up to her. Everyone has the right to self definition.

My sister rotated through all the nicknames for Elizabeth as a child and teenager and finally settled on Liz. It took us in the family about 5 years to get used to calling her that, but we got there in the end and 25 years later she is still Liz. My stepson, now 24, has an unusual first name that he didn't like as a child and decide to go by Joe when he went to secondary school. We never got used to calling him Joe, but he never minded being called by his old name in the family. All of his friends know him as Joe. Now he is working in a formal industry, where having a memorable and old sounding name is useful and he is using his original name again and has decided he likes it. Your daughter might grow into her name as she matures and gains confidence. In the meantime let her try out other options, I think.

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jessebuni · 21/11/2018 17:50

I wanted to change my name at 12-13 to Amy. My mum said the when I was old enough to do it myself if I still felt that way then obviously that is up to me and she wouldn’t stop me but would probably take years to learn to call me by a different name. However by age 16 I had decided I actually didn’t like amy either but couldn’t find a name I actually wanted instead so age 30 I still have my original name. I think your best bet is to do similar. Just say that it is the name you gave her and you are not willing to change it but if when she is old enough she changes it herself then obviously it’s her choice and you’ll support that as much as you are able.

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MsJudgemental · 21/11/2018 18:20

Would she accept Rosa? Ava and Eve are lovely names, I think, but not keen on Evie. It really is up to her though what she is known as.

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angelfacecuti75 · 21/11/2018 18:27

She can't legally change her name until she's 18 though can she?^ I'd just say ypu need to wait til ypur 18& leave it at that x

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Sb74 · 21/11/2018 18:38

My 9 year old son is always saying he wants to change his name. I just say he’s got a lovely name and a strong name and I don’t pay much attention. If he was 17 saying it then I would have to I guess. 13 though, probably a phase to just humour. Rose is a lovely name but she probably won’t appreciate it until she’s older. I’d be upset too. I’m guessing those having a go at the OP saying she’s being selfish aren’t parents? Surely most parents would be a bit upset at a name change. Unless maybe it was the middle name at least. I would be mortified.

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RaubahnsLeftArm · 21/11/2018 18:39

Ahh, I love my name and always have, but it always came with a huge downside in that there are no abbreviations for it, no nicknames. I didn’t have a middle name, which Kids in my school all took the mickey out of me for, and my surname was (in my opinion) ugly as hell, and did get teased about it a lot. When I turned 18 I changed my surname via deed poll and gave myself a middle name. I’m 29 now and still have zero regrets. My family just use my old surname, unless it’s for something official, it doesn’t bother me.

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icanbewhatiwant · 21/11/2018 18:40

I like the name Rose and I like Rosie even more. Eva and Evie are very “current” names. Our local primary school is quite small, we have more Eva’s and Evie’s than any other names. Maybe that’s why she likes those names.
I certainly wouldn’t let a 13 year old change her name. Maybe when she’s 18 and it’s up to her then that would be different.
I have never liked my name, it was a very common name in the 70’s and 80’s. I don’t think it’s used now. It has never occurred to me to change it. But I’d feel very disrespectful to my family if I did. I had a very common surname until I married too. I’m glad I wasn’t a boy though as their choice was Rueben. That would not have gone with my surname 😂

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/11/2018 18:43

I hated my name as a child and teenager. I was desperate to change it. However now as an adult I love my name.

I hated mine and I still do. I wish I'd been able to change it. By the time I was adult it seemed like too much bother - and now - my degree and my licences are all in my present name, I'm published under my present name - it would be such a clart.

I still hate it with a passion and wish I had to balls to just say - "I hate this fucking name and I want to be called ....."

But I'm a coward. Let her change it if she wants. Maybe she'll change it back, maybe not - but don't insist on her keeping a name she doesn't feel suits her.

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cherish123 · 21/11/2018 18:47

I would not worry. By the time she is old enough to change her name she will probably have changed her mind.

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RosieRuby · 21/11/2018 18:50

tell her she will have to get everyone to call her by her new name first and then when she is 18 she can legally change it....I bet she soon gives up on the idea!

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WestBerlin · 21/11/2018 18:51

I hated the name my mother gave me and changed it via deed poll when I was 18. She did attempt to guilt trip me over it but ultimately, while she may have loved it, I didn’t and I was the one that had to live with it. I still don’t like my original name. It’s not always a phase.

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JLo1979 · 21/11/2018 18:55

Rose is a beautiful name although I can see where she’s coming from as my aunt in her 70’s is called rose and says she has always hated it and that it is an ancient name. What about Rosina? Or rose in Irish is Róise(pronounced Row-sha).

My name is Josephine and I’ve always hated it esp when shortened to Josie, yeuch. When I went to unit I introduced myself as Jo(still not great as class full of men, but better than the alternative). Everyone who knew me pre unit still calls me Josephine though. I’m in my 30’s not 90’s. 😳

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JLo1979 · 21/11/2018 18:55

Uni not unit

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MadMum101 · 21/11/2018 18:57

DD hated her name at a similar age. She wanted to be called Francesca Confused.

We told her she could change it at 18 so she shortened it as much as she could (think EL). Made my teeth itch when her friends/their parents/work colleagues called her it.

She reverted to her full name at about 19 and loves it now Grin.

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