To be disgusted with some "step parents" views?

[PriscillaSM]

I want to start off by saying that I do not have children, I have a step mother myself and my DP has a son so this is not me being a bitter parent.

I find myself reading so many posts on here where step parents are unhappy about their partner/husband paying their ex maintenance, having to look after the step child once in a blue moon, the stepchild not being allowed in certain rooms of their house or even about having their stepchild over the christmas period?!

Surely if you start a relationship with somebody knowing they have children, you know what you are getting involved in?? I would never dream of treating my DP's DS in such a way.

Sorry for the rant but I'm just horrified about the mentality of some people on here.

It's a roulette for the kids whether it ends up being ok or not. They have no choice in any of it.

They have no choice about many things. Are you going to say everything is bad unless they have a choice?

I don't even consider half siblings real siblings, I put them in the step category

You have serious issues and are projecting all of them onto others.

It is depressing to read as it's a child's life that's in the middle of it.

So many children being excluded from holidays, days out, having a room in the house, child support moaned about and reduced when more children come along. Then there's usually an exclusion period where the step children can't come as time is needed alone with the baby. Then they are pushed out even more.

Not to mention when a step parent refuses to look after them as they aren't their responsibility.

I don't understand how people could exclude a child or how a parent would get together with somebody that would do it. Their own wants are very much a priority over what's best for the child.

steak jesus christ. Youre like a broken record. No choice. No choice. No choice
You're being very obtuse. Being forced into a new family is nothing like being left to go to bed when you want or not eating vegetables if you don't want. Because letting kids partake in unhealthy behaviours is, ya know, neglectful.
Perhaps if people stopped and considered that their children DONT have a choice, and they as adults do, then some children who are miserably unhappy in their homes for years would be alleviated of suffering. That's not just about stepfamilies, but anything.

No person ever loves a stepkid the same as their own. In a fire, theyd pick their blood child first. Thats the difference.

Absolute fucking rubbish.

Steak so if your mum had a new baby in your home, as a child you would have decided to disown it?! Very forthright little thing you must have been...

Who are all these miserable children youre reffering to? Do you know them all personally?

My kids arent miserable.

If my dad had had another baby, I'd have refused to see it. It wouldn't have been a sibling of mine. His new partner's kids? Their joint kids? Nothing to do with me.

I think by refusing to see your sibling, you’d probably be doing them a favour to be quite honest. How awful to view them as nothing. Thank god my dsc does not think like you and has so much love for her sibling and vice versa.

Youre painting yourself as cold and heartless. You wouldn't see your own half sibling
Wow.
The 13 year old me wouldn't have seen it no. Yet you'd blame the 13 year old and call them heartless for not seeing a baby you'd had with their dad.
That kind of says it all really, pretty much sums up the attitude I'm referring to.

Well at 13 maybe id have called you foolish and stubborn. Youre an adult now presumably so cold and heartless it is.

Steakandkidney but you do talk as if anyone who doesn't do as you've written here is not able to put their child first and is acting selfishly. Clearly the way you feel about this subject holds some moral value for you.

The comments about siblings is utter shit though sorry.

I've given you a first hand example of my mum and my auntie.

My aunty went on to have my second, third and fourth cousins with her 2nd husband. I know my 1st cousin absolutely wholeheartedly thinks of them as her brothers and sisters and does not hate them at all.

Your view is completely warped and is not in line with the reality I've seen with many many of my friends/famolyt and their relationships with their step siblings.

And the worst part is you are coming at this with no experience of what you are actually talking about so no it isn't really as valid as my mum telling you that her sister is her sister and she loves her as such completely or my cousin telling you that she does not feel rejected at the fact she now has step siblings and she wouldn't have them any other way. It just isn't, because you haven't lived it.

The attitude of what, accepting you half a half sibling?

Believe it or not dss actually properly loves ds. Mad isnt it.

flamingofridays don't be ridiculous, Steak knows the way your DS feels better than you do don't you know!

How silly of me whatt!

Well at 13 maybe id have called you foolish and stubborn. Youre an adult now presumably so cold and heartless it is
If my exH decided to have another kid I'd try and encourage my own to see it and know it because that's what you have to do.
Thank god my dsc does not think like you and has so much love for her sibling and vice versa
Quite.
I'm glad she loves your child.
But that's my point. What if you'd had a headstrong or stubborn teenager, either yours or your partners? Would you have gone ahead and married and had babies anyway, then criticised them for being mean and nasty? Or would you have held off? Would you have been posting on here, as the OP said, moaning and criticising?
That's what I mean. I suppose most of the time kids get used to it and tough shit you're a kid so you get what you're given, and you're right I have not experienced it. But having to share weekends, bedrooms, days out with strangers? That would be my biggest nightmare now, let alone as a teenager.

Steak in the interests of choice: have you asked your kids how they'd feel about you dating?

Your view is completely warped
Perhaps, because it hasn't moved with the times. When I was at school there was one person in my class whose parents had split up and her mum had another baby with a new man.
Now, the opposite is the case. Most families are blended in some way, so actually that girl wouldn't be self conscious now, which is good.
I just wouldn't do it myself, wouldn't have wanted it myself. And believe a lot of the time, people's children don't.

steak half siblings arent strangers. HTH.

Nobody wants their parents to split up steak

Shit happens and you deal with it.

My life would have been awful if my mum and dad had stayed together.

My step dad came into my life at 14 and let me tell you hes done more for me than my real dad ever has.

No but their parent is.

I dont consider myself a stranger to dss. He spends more time with me than his mother.

No person ever loves a stepkid the same as their own. In a fire, theyd pick their blood child first. Thats the difference

I agree with this.

It would be a rare step parent indeed that loved their own children and step children equally with no preferential treatment. I don't know of any.

Steak makes a lot of valid points. It is all about the parents want and their love life, the chidren get no choice or say and have to just lump it. You'd have to be very niave to believe life was rosy.

Once they reach adulthood they can process the situation better and will see some of the selfish decisions made at their expense.

I have seen the posts you’re refering to OP and I think it’s terrible too. So many people want their DP but not their DP’s baggage (children) 😡

I don’t have kids either so not a bitter parent just a reasonable human being with a bit of common sense- you date someone with a child, you know/accept the child will come first.

🤔 I’ve also noticed a trend in DSC becoming ‘intolerable’ or ‘unmanageable’ whilst the step mother is expecting their own child. Over summer several threads popped up in which pregnant woman complained they could no longer ‘cope’ with DSC and being rather angry that their DP wasn’t putting their health first and banning his children from visiting/ staging over 😮

I commented on a few, politely suggesting they consider a termination/adoption- as that was the only reasonable course of action if they indeed couldn’t cope with the children already in their family. I was met with complete shock and dismay 🤔😂

*I also suggested leaving DP and going it alone with him as a co-parent.

These women seemed to behave like kicking the DSC out was an option - sorry I don’t believe that’s in any way an option 🤔

I commented on a few, politely suggesting they consider a termination/adoption- as that was the only reasonable course of action if they indeed couldn’t cope with the children already in their family. I was met with complete shock and dismay

What a ridiculous and deliberetly pathetic and goady comment