7yr old DD called me fat

[DDcalledMeFat]

She’s a very mature girl and usually so empathetic. I’m heartbroken.

We were minding a relatives baby and he’s at that chubby newborn stage and DD was cooing all over him and said “you can be fat with mummy” then when I looked upset she just bawled crying saying she didn’t mean it. I’ve just come upstairs to get the baby ready and she’s wailing downstairs.

How do I react to this? I am fat but it has never impacted anything I do with her, we’re really active and as a single parent I strive to give her the best well rounded (excuse the pun) life. She’s involved in lots of sports and has no issue with weight. My food issue is loneliness when she’s in bed.

Calm down with it all. She’s not going to go from saying something whilst squishing a cute baby to telling your neighbours they’re fat.

Especially if you’d calmly said it can hurt people’s feelings. No need for her wailing.

I posted heat of the moment for opinions but jeez you lot are hard aul work

But why op, why were you upstairs posting on mumsnet when she was down stairs " wailing". Why was there "heat of the moment".

It's just so over the top. You say you weren't punishing her by leaving her to cry, you say you used the wrong word by saying you were heartbroken, but it sounds you were very upset, you made sure she knew it, and then you left her downstairs to cry, whilst you sat on mumsnet, as punishment. For stating a fact to you.

Bizarre

..."because I get lonely and a bit bored when you are in bed"

Gosh no
Do not blame your dd or you being a single parent
It isn't her fault
It usnt her fault you are bored
It s up to you to distract yourself and get some cb t or something so you do something else
She doesn't need to know you are lonely when she goes yo bed or she won't want to go to bed.
You can't put this on her

Get some counselling for yourself

Ah bless her. I'm a bit of a chubster and have had similar conversations with my kids. However I'm not overly upset when it happens, as I am a bit fat, but quite like myself regardless. I don't necessarily want then thinking fat=bad=insult, if you see what I mean?

So I tend to say something like "yep, I hav got a bigger tummy/bum/whatever than I need, but that's cause I eat too much of the 'wrong' foods and don't do enough exercise"

Followed by "I don't mind having this sort of conversation with you cause we can talk about anything, but with other people it is always safer to avoid talking about appearances cause it's really personal, and you don't want to accidentally upset someone."

Sounds wordy, but isn't in real life 😂

She's 7. She told the truth.

If you are unhappy with your weight, lose some. Your daughter clearly didn't intend to hurt you. But she has eyes on her face.

Bluntness

She’s 7yrs not 7months. I don’t think an unattended cry will have any lasting damage but I’m certain you will put me straight on that

She will be more upset if you die prematurely from one of the large number of cancers or heart disease, diabetes l, stroke and so on that are directly caused by being overweight.

Pmsl, she's a 16 not a 36.

Actually OP I was replying yo other posters who were getting a bit hysterical about my comment. But ok...

Why would she think it's her fault you are lonely? Is it not just a fact that your a lone parent and so have to be in at night and so feel lonley and that's why you overeat? I am pretty sure you could talk to your "mature, respectful, clued in kid" about emotional eating (in your case loneliness) without making her feel responsible for your emotions or the situation. Jeez.

Anyway, sounds like you didn't want to go any further with the conversation with her so have a nice evening.

cestlavielife
Ehhh, what?

Where are you getting any of that? Are you lot on the drink or am I missing something?

She’s 7yrs not 7months

I'm sure you're right op. But at least be honest, you wanted her to know you were upset so left her to it. That's why she was "wailing". You wanted it to sink in.

Bottom line is now you've taught her. So she won't say it again. But she'll be thinking it and will always lie to you. And you'll know it to.

Bravo.

Abagisforlifenotjustfor

We had the conversation, it was a success. Are you not reading my posts or are you confused?

I completely utterly disagree with all the posters who are saying:

"she's 7, she's saying it like it is'. You are fat. Therefore it's your issue. "

No. I don't agree. Are people saying it's ok, just because dd used the word 'fat'. She's 'saying it like it is'?
Really. No. Your aren't supposed to say things about someone's appearance that might upset them: be it fat, big ears, or anything else.

I can't believe all these posts.

Hellena - Size 16 is approx 33inch waist which unless you're over 5'6" is unhealthy, according to recent studies (waist measurement should be less than half your height)

Bluntness

Are you as controlling in RL as you come across here? Why are you telling me what I meant and what my intentions were? I think you might be projecting.

No OP... You had a conversation. Which is your prerogative.

I was just suggesting how I might have the conversation. Seeing as that's what you asked in your OP "How do I react to this?"

I'm not confused, and yes, ta I did read your posts, but thanks for checking in.

Hmm, not sure controlling is the right word, you might have used the wrong one again. More blunt and opinionated, and yeah, I am.

Ok you weren't punishing her by sitting mumsntetting upstairs whilst she was downstairs "bawling her eyes out " and " wailing".

I don't understand why some of you are being so shitty.

Mums food issue are because I get lonely and a bit bored when you are in bed and then probably eat too much.

Why the fuck would you say that? Don't ever tell anyone this.

Hi op have you heard of a blogger called Alison Kimmey? She writes about the most body position way to speak to children about bodies of all sizes, shapes, colours, genders etc. You can find her website here allisonkimmey.com/meet-allison/ and her Instagram is a great source of support too. Her whole ethos is essentially about encouraging children to see beyond appearance, because how we look is such a small part of who we are. You might find her writing helpful for a conversation you might have with your daughter about bodies .

Maybe it is unhealthy, but hardly morbidly obese. Any opportunity to poke the porker eh 😂

Unfortunately children at that age have no filter and she meant nothing nasty by it, but I agree to speak to her about it, my daughter knows the kind of things not to say to people such as calling them fat etc and would probably react the same if she knew she upset me. I wouldn't make a huge deal about her saying it but just a gentle word seeing as she is already upset would probably work.

I think people are way more tolerant of kids saying this about fat people because fat people should be ashamed of themselves...kids are allowed to say what we feel.

However swap the word fat for ugly, it gets frowned on. See the thread about the child saying another child's haircut made her look poor etc. Where are all the 'hey, don't be offended, she's just telling it how it is' posts there?!

Stating that carrying weight around your waist is unhealthy, - is hardly poking the porker. What a horrid phrase.