7yr old DD called me fat

[DDcalledMeFat]

She’s a very mature girl and usually so empathetic. I’m heartbroken.

We were minding a relatives baby and he’s at that chubby newborn stage and DD was cooing all over him and said “you can be fat with mummy” then when I looked upset she just bawled crying saying she didn’t mean it. I’ve just come upstairs to get the baby ready and she’s wailing downstairs.

How do I react to this? I am fat but it has never impacted anything I do with her, we’re really active and as a single parent I strive to give her the best well rounded (excuse the pun) life. She’s involved in lots of sports and has no issue with weight. My food issue is loneliness when she’s in bed.

I had to go sort the baby out to all the people saying I left her to cry as punishment.

We’re talking now

Perhaps the message here should be that you have fat, rather than you are fat?

Tell your daughter that everyone has fat, some people have more than others but that we don't define people by how much they have. Tell her it's not healthy to have too much fat, but nor is it kind to tell people that they do as it's hurtful. Then give her a hug.

Also her dad is big into fitness and encourages her to work out after meals etc. I’m a size 16 so some of you have gone way overboard and the “poor girl” comments are just unnecessarily nasty and unhelpful.

It does matter. Perfectly ok to say you know the black lady who lives in the next street (as opposed to the one next door or on tv, or the white lady or man) but not ok to use black as a term of abuse or ridicule or as if it was negative. Same with fat, it is a description not a term of abuse. People also thin shame (I wish) it's so rude.

You’re both overreacting, but she has the excuse of being 7.

She’s seven! She misjudged the moment and said something insensitive. She already knows it’s hurtful and clearly she feels terrible. There’s no need for you to be heartbroken!

Go and give her a hug

I think you're being cruel... she's 7, they say blunt things sometimes...you're fat and she just said it, don't make her feel horrible about it. She's learning how to interact with the world, children don't have the same thought processes as adults.

Whether you actually went upstairs to punish her or not you left her in distress and she will feel punished.

You need to address your issues around your weight, perhaps in therapy. You're clearly incredibly sensitive about it and believe she was being cruel when she was pointing out the truth in her eyes.

Kids can be horrible cant they, but it does sound as if your daughter really didn't mean to hurt you. TBH though I think sometimes they should feel bad when they have said something hurtful to learn. By comparison, my 8 year old DS yesterday told me that I am the worst Mum ever, he hates me, I cannot even drive and I don't earn any money. He has also told me that I am fat, I am 8st13 at 5ft5 (have weighted a bit more), so am a healthy weight but a bit bigger than I want to because I lack control around food). My Son's comments hurt because they are partly true. I dont drive and feel v inadequate about this, never managed to pass my test, now cannot afford to learn and we cannot afford to run two cars, plus I dont think I would be safe as I am so nervous. I do earn a reasonable part time wage, I work for myself but my kids dont respect what I do. The difference is that my DS wasn't sorry that he said hurtful things. It so hard not to be a bit horrible back when they say awful things.

Sounds like she may have known and is testing it out but was upset at your reaction.

Obviously she needs a chat about it. I’ve had chats with mine and they know, and tell each other, that calling someone fat is wrong. However they still do it to me now and then, despite it being untrue. I’m a healthy weight, size 10 and keep fit, but compared to them I’m huge. I remember thinking my mum was big but she was a size 12 at that age. I guess the media image of women, including cartoons, doesn’t help.

I’d feel upset but say it hurt your feelings as it’s not a kind thing to say. I’m fat. I’ve had a couple of instances when a child of maybe 4/5 has said that lady is fat or you have a fat tummy. It hurts but it’s the truth. The parent looked like they’d like the ground to swallow them up (unless I got there first). I said, yes I am, I quite like cakes.

7yr old DD called me fat I am fat

She didn't call you fat. She referred to the fact you are fat.

I am fat. If someone refers to this it wouldn't occur to me to be upset.

I don't think you need to say more than the obvious to her. Si1ver's response above is a fab example.

Octopus that’s awful, I can’t imagine an eight year old saying such things unless repeating from someone else. Mine said something about daddy’s money but DH corrected them as I do work. Paid much less than him but they don’t know that.

Poor thing!

She knows what she said was hurtful, but you should tell her not to worry.

I hate that 'fat' is almost a swear word. She was only telling it like it is.

Sorry Missingstreetlife I didn't fully post. Yes it does matter, but not to be commented on in a mean manner. We teach as long as the person is good/kind, then how they look isn't important if you see what I mean.

A good film to watch is Wonder. Teaches a good lesson.

OP . She's seven. When I was that age I used to love cuddling my 'fat nan'. I didn't want anyone else when my 'fat nan' was around, because I loved the feeling of being cuddled by someone soft and warm who loved me. It didn't occur to me at the time that my nan might not have enjoyed being called fat! Don't take it to heart, she didn't mean to upset you. In a few days have a chat about it and explain why the comment made you feel bad so that it doesn't happen again. As you are sensitive about your weight, maybe think about losing some.

Poor girl, don’t be heartbroken it’s not that bad.
Have a calm chat about it

She was only telling it like it is 🙄 those people are usually obnoxious.

We’ve kissed, cuddled and had a really good chat. Thanks for all the helpful comments

Well, I'm sticking to poor girl, sorry. How is she meant to know, by seven, that we happily coo over lovely rolls of chubby babies but that being observed as 'fat' reduces her mother to a heart broken wreck?

DO NOT tel your child that you over eat because you are lonely

As a PP Said....

Why would you say that to a 7 year old. Ffs!!

Mums food issue are because I get lonely and a bit bored when you are in bed and then probably eat too much

I hope you didn't say this to her op, it subtly puts the blame for your weight on her, it makes you her responsibility and if she's not there then you eat and get fat, so she needs to be there to prevent it.

“a heart broken wreck”
God almighty

I think kids need to be able to say what they think to their parents. She was factual. Didn't mean to hurt you. Have a chat about why you were hurt etc and move on.

For what it's worth I'm a size 12 and my 7yrs old calls me fat! I don't consider myself fat. I'm not skinny but not overweight. Funnily enough my husband is a bit on the fatty side but she doesn't think he is fat at all. Kids are weird. I think in my case she gets influenced by my slightly 'flabby' tummy (following 3 pregnancies). Anyway i don't take offence but i do explain that whilst she can say that to me she has to be mindful of her language around others who may not like her directness as much.

I think 'heartbroken' is a bit of an overreaction. She said you were fat, you say you are fat ..... I don't really get the big deal.

I also struggle with thr concept that one can view themselves as "fat" but be heartbroken if someone says it, she made what you see as a factually accurate statement.

I get how you might be a bit embarrassed or upset, but to be heartbroken by it, and to have her crying her eyes out is too much. She clearly wasn't trying to upset you.

Excuse my use of the word heartbroken. My heart wasn’t literally broken and I wasn’t a wreck. My mistake for misusing the word-apologies