To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

[Earlgreyrose]

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

BlaaBlaaBlaa why on earth did you have children just to hand them over to somebody else to bring up?

I hope the martyrs on here have never had a night out, never gone out for lunch and never worked without their little darlings with them.

@sunhill would you ask my husband that same question?

@Sunhill4 I don't understand you feel people shouldn't. I obviously love my kids but if I could have a day off knowing there are being looked after I would run at the chance! Self care is important and makes you a better parent

Makes you wonder why some people have children

To make me a cup of tea on demand. Obviously

@Sunhill4 why on earth did you have children just to hand them over to somebody else to bring up?

So that someone else can experience the joy of my wonderful children, after all it takes a village does it not.

how rude

I wouldn’t. They are little for such a short time and you’ll only see them for 2 full days out of 7.

Would your kids like to be at nursery 5 days a week instead of 4 or would they also like - "time to themselves at home to chill out"?

Oops wrong thread

@missyB1
Bottom line is some parents tell themselves what they want to believe I suppose
A million times this! To be honest I'm always most suspicious of anyone who is absolutely certain that their relatively extreme approach to childcare/preschool is right.

I have friends who send their DC to FT nursery for extremely long days because they don't have family help and want to maintain careers that involve an extremely long commute (2 hours each way!). It would be fine I suppose but the children are clearly exhausted and are obviously struggling. They are so overtired by the end of the day that their behaviour swings from full on tantrums to almost zombie like behaviour and it is horrible to see. The thing that I find most distressing is that the parent's just seem blind to the situation and say that nursery is socialising them and providing them with opportunities that they couldn't get at home. Of course this is true to an extent, however I can't help but think that they must be wilfully deluding themselves if they can't see the effect the regime is having in their kids.

Conversely I have a SAHM friend who doesn't want to send her DC to nursery or preschool at all, despite him being entitled to free hours. Her son would clearly benefit from the social interaction and change of scene as the mother does no groups or activities that involve other children so he really gets very limited opportunity to be around other kids his age. He's three now and craves the interaction but yet his mum insists that he is happy just being with her and his baby brother all the time. I think it's clear to see that he is quite an extrovert and needs more than his limited surroundings to meet his wants and needs.

Both cases where in my opinion the children are struggling with the choices their parents have made and yet the parents would swear blind that they have made the best choices for their children.

Makes you wonder why some people have children

I didn't want to leave all my worldly possessions to the local cats home when I die.

Oh the martyrs here do make me chuckle. OP, do it. If both you and your children are happy, do it.

It depends on the parent and child. If both are happy there is no problem. Parents are allowed to want freedom since they’re not just parents. There is no manual that says your child must be glued to you 24/7, else you be judged as not wanting your kids.

But when you spend your time consoling a fair number of children who can barely walk wandering around teary eyed saying ‘mummy come’ you would understand why many would argue that leaving children there on your day off so you can potter around the house isn’t really fair.

What a horrid place that nursery sounds. My ds goes to preschool 5 days a week, 8-1pm.

Pick up at 1. Home by 5 past.
10 past, Ds - 'mummy, I sad'
Me - 'why, what's the matter?'
Ds - 'I miss school'

🤷‍♀️

Sounds like a good idea to me.

You can do some errands and have a bit of a rest, then pick them up early and have a nice afternoon together.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

Bumpity that's a very good, measured post.

I suppose my outlook is coloured by the fact that the only kids I know who have been in full time childcare for ever (oldest now 8, younger 3 or 4) are two of the angriest, most badly behaved kids I know. Both NT but just absolute horrors. I actually think these kids are being failed quite a bit (I also think the school they are at is a poor fit for them).

Mum, at any rate, don't see dad so much, just shrugs it off. But they must be rung on a weekly basis by the school or nursery about their kids' behaviour.

I am not a martyr but I would not consider doing this.
So sue me.

I am not a martyr but I would not consider doing this.
So sue me.

That's fine, as long as you're not saying that because you wouldn't want to do it then no one else should either.

Simple really no?

@rivertam and there's the crux of it. People go off their own experiences and draw conclusions from that - some people then apply these to society as a whole. This results in broad assumptions being made which lack any real evidence.

Knowing what I do about child development I suspect in the example you're giving the issues are caused by homelife as opposed to their early experiences in childcare.

@sunhill I'm guessing your silence speaks a thousand words.....I suspect working patterns and childcare is a stick used to purely beat women with leaving men to persue their careers without interruption or the need to consider childcare issues.

Not at all a silence.ni just have other things to do during my day lol. & no when my children were small i didn't dump them on anybody else so i could go out and do something without them. I enjoyed every minute i spent with them and they have all grown up to be very nice well rounded people. English people (in general) are too quick to want time without their children. For example many other countries actually enjoy mealtimes with their children rather than feeding them in front of the tv then getting them off to bed. They are part of your family not an inconvenience.

Bla yes, no doubt. But I don't think being in full time care out of the home from the age of under 1 has done these kids much good.

The oldest is extremely bright, and could do very well in the right environment. But at the moment he's teaching the other kids all the swear words under the sun (parents don't have an issue with him doing this) and continuing his hitting behaviour from nursery with putting other children in a headlock. It all sounds deeply attention-seeking to me.

4 minutes of silence Blaa. You got some work to do in your very important job?

I wouldn't want to wake them for it or rush around in the morning, but if they liked it a lot I'd do a half-day.