To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

[Earlgreyrose]

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

but I'm not getting a break at work 4 days a week
And neither is a child in Nursery 5 days a week. What about their break? Nursery is like their work.

Mine comes out leaping about full of beans

Yes because they all get excited and perk up a lot when mum/ dad arrive. Some of ours get so excited they burst into tears at pick up time. Honestly by Thursday our full timers are drooping and emotional.

Who has said that their children aren't their priority? Having children and making them a priority doesn't mean spending every waking moment with them.
There is nothing wrong with adults making themselves a priority every now and then.

In what world is nursery like their work? At nursery they play all day with their friends. If they stayed home they’d be dragged around doing the shopping, left while we get in with housework etc. I know which one my kids would prefer.

Haha nursery is not like work. My DS is a full timer at nursery. He does not display the behaviour you describe and neither do his friends.

Yes because spending 3 days (a minority of the week) is the same as spending every waking moment with them.
If you would be spending a minority of your time with your children without a ‘break’ an extra day isn’t giving you a break! The break is the weekend when you have a 2 day break from not seeing your kids!
If you genuinely do need to spend the majority of your time child free to be able to function then maybe don’t have kids?

@zighazigha
Well it's not quite that black and white is it? I don't have mental health "problems" but I do get very down if I don't get any time to myself to just potter about, run errands, do life admin, read a book
I would say this is true of every parent to some extent, I think the problem comes when you have a parent that feels like this and a child that would benefit from spending less time in a childcare setting. Some children do get tired from long days in childcare and prefer spending time at home with their parents.

This is one of the reasons I don't agree with the phrase "happy mum, happy baby/child". Although it would be very convenient if it were true and we might often feel we can only be our best selves/parents when we feel refreshed but sometimes i think just being good enough and there for our children can be better for them.

I'm starting to think that people put their kids in Nursery but don't actually understand what they are doing there. Yes it is their work, they are learning through play, look up the EYFS, there are 3 prime and four specific areas of learning - it's what your children are doing at nursery! It's stimulating and hopefully fun but over the course of 5 days a week it's tiring - oh a bit like having a job then?!

I think on the whole children of age 3-4 cope better with full time, in my experience most under 3s struggle towards the end of the week.

Op it's up to you of course, but dont just base the decision on what you want for yourself, think about what might be in the best interests of your kids.

@bumsex who are you to suggest someone doesn't have kids?

I'll say this again - people CHOOSE to run they're families in a way that WORKS FOR THEM - as long as the whole family is happy and the children are thriving why does it matter that it's not how you would choose to do it.
Parents having time to refresh and relax shouldn't be seen as a bad thing. It's time we moved away from martyrdom parenting

Nursery is a necessary environment for a lot of kids so their parent/s can work. They are generally understaffed and the staff are poorly qualified and often young as it’s an entry level job and the nursery can pay them less. Even with the best staff in the world children’s needs go unmet a lot of the time purely down to stupidly high child to adult ratios and a lack of hands to do everything that needs doing. It isn’t an ideal environment for kids so young who really need their needs met consistently to develop properly. I say this having worked in and observed the practice in countless nurseries. The only children I have ever met who prefer to be there and don’t ask regularly when they’re being collected are the children whose home lives were awful. Those children are better off at nursery as much as possible imo.
As for children from regular families if you are in the position to give them an extra day of 1-1 attention it is much more worthwhile than a day of pottering with a book.

@missy how patronising. Of course most parents understand what their children are doing there ...our nursery is excellent at communication.
You appear incredibly judgemental towards parents who are actually keeping you in a job.

Well if you send your kids to a shitty nursery then that your problem. Our nursery is excellent, took us months to find and is a good drive out of our way each day but it was important to us that our kids went there.

@bumsex that is categorically not my experience of nurseries. The nursery my child goes to is excellent. I've also visited a number of childcare providers in a professional capacity over many years and there are some excellent providers out there. Yes of course there are also poor providers but the sweeping generalisations you are making simply aren't true.

My DS loves nursery and it can be hard to drag him away sometimes but I'm sensible enough to realise that isn't a reflection on his home life.

I’ve seen nurseries rated as outstanding and my thoughts are the same. They are businesses. They don’t employ more staff than the law requires.

Sounds like an amazing opportunity. Plus I found it helpful when I dropped my hours to have the flexibility to juggle my days if work needed me to without the worry of finding childcare on that extra day.

I would love to get all my jobs done Mon-Fri so we could enjoy the weekends more together with the freedom to do things, rather than doing household jobs I've run out of time midweek to do.

You can always pick up early or even ring and say he won't be coming in on the odd day if you wanted to do something together.

If the cost difference is negligible, I'd do it so I could be flexible with work - come in on my 'day off' if there was a big meeting or something - and keep the kids with me anyway. Just have it as a placeholder for if you ever need to swap days/are unwell/have a lot on or whatever. But tbh I would never use it unless I had to.

I would do it. You then have the option of them going 5 days on some weeks and 4 days /4.5 days on others. I think you would be able to find lots to do on your free day.

Again with the sweeping generalisations @bumsex our nursery employs far more than the legal requirements plus they pay for them to continuously update their qualifications - many of them are currently doing degrees in a related subject. Staff turnover is minimal.
It's bloody amazing

It's a good point that it does also mean you can be a bit more flexible over your workings days.

The nursery my kids went to was lovely with a mix of young and experienced staff. They really enjoyed their time there (albeit they weren't full time).

Would love to know where this business is that employs FAR more staff than they are required to. I expect they won’t be in business for long 😂
Even the best nurseries can’t replicate the 1-1 attention that a child gets at home which is the ideal for under 3’s. A day a week of that is priceless imo.

Yes because they all get excited and perk up a lot when mum/ dad arrive. Some of ours get so excited they burst into tears at pick up time. Honestly by Thursday our full timers are drooping and emotional

Hardly, he's like that when he gets there and all day too.

Why do you work at a nursery when you're so judgy towards the parents that use it? I'd try a change of career if I were you.

Even the best nurseries can’t replicate the 1-1 attention that a child gets at home which is the ideal for under 3’s. A day a week of that is priceless imo.

Do you come from a strange land where weekends don't exist?

Do it !! Personally I would probably sleep all day the chill out 😂

I’m not judgey about parents using nurseries. Generally they have no choice. But when you spend your time consoling a fair number of children who can barely walk wandering around teary eyed saying ‘mummy come’ you would understand why many would argue that leaving children there on your day off so you can potter around the house isn’t really fair.

NT children don’t need to have 1-1 attention all the time.
And what do you think I do with them before and after nursery? Ignore them and shut them in a cupboard?

If you genuinely do need to spend the majority of your time child free to be able to function then maybe don’t have kids?

You don't know what parenting is like before you have children. It's impossible.

I love my DS to bits, he is my world, but if I'd known what being a parent was like, I might not have chosen to do it. I don't mean the drudge bits, the nappy changing, the sleepless nights - those bits are fine. I mean the relentless, exhausting, overwhelming responsibility I feel day in day out. The terror of something happening to him (or to me, and leaving him motherless). The guilt I feel over the fact that actually, I choose to work when I could afford to stay at home with him (not helped by this thread!). Is he ok, is he happy, why does he do X, Y, Z? Is he eating too much of the wrong food? Does he watch too much TV (answer: yes)? Do we read to him enough? Do we play with him enough? It's never ending.

Shoot me for wanting a day on my own to recharge my batteries and thus be a better mother to him.