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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

330 replies

Earlgreyrose · 18/11/2018 14:14

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

OP posts:
zighazigha · 20/11/2018 11:43

But when you spend your time consoling a fair number of children who can barely walk wandering around teary eyed saying ‘mummy come’ you would understand why many would argue that leaving children there on your day off so you can potter around the house isn’t really fair.

Your nursery doesn't sound very nice. My son's nursery is nothing like that. I've only ever seen kids cry at drop off when they first start and when I pick him up and look in the window (before he can see me), they are all playing and laughing together with their amazing keyworkers, who are always down on the floor with them. The ladies who work there have been there for years and years - they love their jobs, they love the children, the children are happy.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/11/2018 11:43

@bumsex well they don't seem to be doing too badly. They charge more than other providers we looked at which is how they cover their extra costs. They have a ridiculously long waiting list - basically you need to register while your pregnant.
They're Ofsted outstanding and reviews from parents are faultless. The kids are all thriving. They do regular stay and plays for parents which means you get to see the kids during the day not just at drop off /pick up. The kids have a ball.
They must be doing something right!

jellycat1 · 20/11/2018 11:45

Where's OP gone?

beefchowmein · 20/11/2018 11:46

I have wondered about this. I currently work evenings (typical shift is 5pm til midnight, sometimes closer to 1am) as DH is finished work by that point so we don’t need childcare for our 2 year old. I do around 20 hours a week.
However I’ve put their name down for nursery at 3 and they’ve said I’ll be entitled to the full 30 hours childcare during daytime due to working. But of course I don’t really NEED those hours as I currently have them at home with me all the time. That said I do get very tired from the late shifts. I’m unsure whether or not to take the hours.

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 11:47

My little boy frequently kicks off about wanting to go to nursery on our days off together, that's how much he loves it. We once saw his keyworker in our local Sainsbury's and I've never in my life seen him so excited.

missyB1 · 20/11/2018 11:49

It's not about being "judgy" towards parents. Its about having children's best interests at heart and being honest. And it's not unusual for parents to get very defensive and to be in denial when we try to have honest conversations with them about how their children are coping. No doubt they go away saying "what a bunch of judgy bitches, wonder why they don't get another job".

Bottom line is some parents tell themselves what they want to believe I suppose.

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 11:52

I've never had a keyworker say anything to me about how my son is coping missy. Unless you think that that must mean that he is miserable and they just haven't told me, I would assume that means he is actually ok there

missyB1 · 20/11/2018 11:53

beefchowmein you dont have to take the full 30 hours, but it would probably benefit your 3 year old to do some sessions (a session is usually half a day), each week in a good nursery as a way of preparing for school.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/11/2018 11:57

But some children thrive in these settings@missy surely you must see those children too?
All my son's keyworkers tell me is what a happy little boy he is, how he loves learning and spending time with his friends. They genuinely care for him and he knows that.

KittyPerry77 · 20/11/2018 11:58

It isn't just about them having quality time with op. It's about them having down time where they don't have to get up and out the door but can stay in their own home.

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 12:00

Do the nurseries your kids go to not allow any downtime at all? My son's nursery has quiet time in the afternoon where the kids just veg out on the bean bags in their socks, have cuddles, read stories, watch a bit of TV.

ILikTheBred · 20/11/2018 12:04

If the cost differential is negligible OP then it’s a no brainer. Do it! It gives you options - you don’t HAVE to use it. There are days when it will make sense to leave them in nursery (even for part of the day) - every day life things such as shopping, hair cuts, errands, Christmas shopping even ! Sometimes even catching up on work is necessary.

I did it (and actually paid a five day rate). It was a life saver. I’d say I used it maybe 40% of the time for part of the day. No regrets whatsoever.

Bodicea · 20/11/2018 12:12

I would, if the cost was negligible you could always take them out the odd week if you felt they needed it/ wanted a day out or something. But then you could schedule hair appontments etc for that day and just keep the day shorter for them. And like others have said use the weekend to focus on family time.

Sunhill4 · 20/11/2018 12:22

I just don't understand why everybody thinks they should get a break from their own children!!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/11/2018 12:27

@sunhill well I don't understand why some people don't want/need a break.....but I don't judge. I understand we're all different.

paige789 · 20/11/2018 12:47

I can't believe some of the comments on here, so if you have children you have to have them 24/7 😂 honestly the childcare is being paid for, leave them all day and enjoy yourself they are being looked after don't feel bad about it. They will be playing with friends and doing activities etc. time to yourself is hugely important when you have children

RiverTam · 20/11/2018 12:59

I agree with that, but I also don't think 5 full days in a non-home environment is great either. If the child was at a childminder I might think differently, but I think at nursery children are 'on' the whole time, even when they are 'relaxing'. Can't really explain it.

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 13:00

I just don't understand why everybody thinks they should get a break from their own children!!

There's no should or shouldn't. But if you can and you want to, why shouldn't you? Or should parents never go anywhere without their children according to you?

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 13:01

If the child was at a childminder I might think differently, but I think at nursery children are 'on' the whole time, even when they are 'relaxing'.

My son was miserable at his childminders as she was always out and about at playgroups, picking kids up from school etc. At nursery he became a different child.

SilverDoe · 20/11/2018 13:02

Honestly I also work a 4 day week and I live for he extra day with the kids. If they are nursery age they must be tiny and nursery is tiring - why do you want to keep them in 5 days? They will be in school before you know it.

Sunhill4 · 20/11/2018 13:05

Totally agree SilverDoe. Makes you wonder why some people have children. They will be grown up before you know it and you can have as much time to yourselves as you want!!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/11/2018 13:14

I really can't understand the lack of comprehension on this thread. People unable ( or unwilling?) To understand that it's not an either / or situation. Admitting you like time to yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't have had children.
I'm guessing you're the same women who told me how awful it was that I 'had' to return to work full time then recoiled in horror when I said it was my choice. Funny how my husband was never asked to justify his working patterns.

ethelfleda · 20/11/2018 13:16

I don’t know how old your kids are - my son is only 1 and I couldn’t do it (he is still quite young though) he is nursery two days per week atm and I think it’s too much! Trying to figure out how to not send him in for 5 days next year!

Rather than pay for another day of childcare, I would (and do) pay for a cleaner - £20 per week and chores are all done. Time with DS and DH is then our own.

zighazigha · 20/11/2018 13:27

Makes you wonder why some people have children

Mainly to carry my shopping.

Dear god the pearl clutching.

Satsumaeater · 20/11/2018 13:39

Makes you wonder why some people have children

To send up the chimneys when they're 14, of course.