"Sorry, we have plans today" - the most secretive, worst humble-brag snub

[IdiotsIdiotsEverywhere]

I have a family member who says this when she is not free. Always.

I always think it's said in a way as if they are better than us! Also, why the secrecy? Just say what you are doing!

I get it as an occasional turn of phrase when pushed for time but used regularly it's comes across really stuck up.

The type of person who is using this is always reluctant to do things with friends with her partner, often without partner but at weekends it's all about 'my little family' and meeting up with other families is a no-no.

Why not say you “have stuff to do” and maybe, just maybe add a socially acceptable “Sorry”? How difficult can it be to be?

You are not important so other people do not require your ludicrously formal response.

If they actually do want to see you, they should say "I can't do Tuesday. But how would Thursday suit you?"

If they just say "no, busy" then they don't want to see you and/or are lacking social skills.

Why not say you “have stuff to do” and maybe, just maybe, add a socially acceptable “Sorry”? How difficult can it be?

You are not important so other people do not require your ludicrously formal response.

It doesn’t sound at all bad written down. It’s polite, and gives you all the information you need. She doesn’t have to explain to you what her plans are so that you can judge whether they’re good enough to justify not seeing you, or find a way of working yourself into them.

YABU this is a totally normal thing to say - no adult needs to explain what their plans are they simply need to politely decline. I don't expect my friends to give me a run down of their plans for the day if they can't accept an invitation, as long as they reply promptly to decline that is fine with or without an explanation.

I'm mostly an introvert. I like my own space. I can be very sociable but it often gets a bit too much and I need peace and quiet. It used to be Sundays but is now a couple of days in the week.

I hate having to make excuses when people won't accept a 'no'. I don't want to justify why I I just want wine and snacks in front of a film on my own. I don't want to make conversation or be a host.

Why not say you “have stuff to do” and maybe, just maybe add a socially acceptable “Sorry”? How difficult can it be to be?

Why is that any different to ‘we have plans’? We must live in very different areas if you think ‘we have plans’ is ‘ludicrously formal’.

I've actually started saying this more rather than go into convoluted detail about exactly why I can't do something. I always felt like I was having to justify why I was already committed and actually it really was just as simple as "sorry, I've got plans". Obviously to a certain extent it does depend who is asking the question but I figured that not everyone needs to know the often boring details!

What she is actually doing aside, I don't see this as a brag in any way whatsoever.

Why does she need to tell you her plans?
Also there's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time 'her little family' rather than socialising. Maybe she values her family time, what's the problem?

SoyDora

Why not say you “have stuff to do” and maybe, just maybe add a socially acceptable “Sorry”? How difficult can it be to be?

Why is that any different to ‘we have plans’? We must live in very different areas if you think ‘we have plans’ is ‘ludicrously formal’.

Don’t you realise that the noun “stuff” Is informal whereas the word “plans” is formal?

I doubt very much that you live in my sort of area.

So do I.

Huh?

It's approaching business speak to me.

Cold, but as long as that is meant where is the argument?

Why do some posters need to be reassured it's universally well received?

If it gets you your freedom from annoying people what's the issue?

Some people just don't like being sociable, prefer their own company. Nothing wrong with that , it's how they are. Think no more about it. Don't telephone but write a note if you want to invite, they'll turn up to big things like weddings.

Huh what? You said you very much doubt I live in your sort of area. I said ‘so do I’. Not complicated.

I respond that way to people like the OP.
People I trust not to try to make me change my plans, or join mine, will get an explanation of why.

Look to your own behaviour OP.

Maybe look up Miss Manners too, not giving an explanation is not against decorum!

Anyhow I have plans.
Bye.

I always say I have plans when I have..... Plans!
I never think anyone else is interested in what I am doing so I always say I have plans. Why do you feel you need to know what the plans are?

Love the idea that 'plans' is ludicrously formal but 'stuff' is fine

Honestly if you find yourself agonising over which noun us sufficiently informal then you have too much time on your hands!

And I certainly don't want to come up with solutions for me to do your thing as well as, my own.... I already have plans thank you

I get it OP. I think it’s a little bit excluding. I have a plan and it doesn’t involve YOU. also, it’s the kind of thing it’s fine to say sometimes, but if it’s repeated or just said in that ‘wrong way’ it has an unpleasant, self-important flavour.

Lol at plans being business speak

I say this if I think the person won't take no for an answer/ will try and invite themselves along/ I just don't want to go. It's not a stealth brag, I just don't see why I should have to go into any details. Why is it anyone's business? I have plans is better than I want to binge watch Netflix/ Go for a walk but don't want you to come too/ Going out with family but don't feel like telling you about it).

Some people just aren’t into the family friendships thing?