*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

If I said something it would become real and I’d break the illusion.

Look, everyone reacts to traumatic situations differently. OP it's sounds like you froze like a rabbit in the headlights when it was happening. It's one of many normal reactions to something like this. Trust me, I know this...

Go easy on the OP people, everyone us different. It's easy for us to say "why didn't you ... " when it didn't involve us..

Look after yourself first and foremost OP

I have, thankfully, never been raped.

But when someone drove a car straight at me, I froze on the spot and didn't try to move out of the way, and didn't scream, even though I was terrified. So the idea that a rape victim might totally freeze seems very plausible to me.

Ohsolomio, you know perfectly well that if you think anyone is a troll you should report it to MN. Why not just go and do that?

You are hating on the OP and hating on me.

You have said some appalling things and for what? ohsolomio

The sooner MN HQ get out of bed and delete OhSolomio's disgraceful posts of 'you didn't do X so it wasn't rape and makes a mockery out of genuine rape' the better. Are you Ken Clarke by any chance?

If you think the OP is a troll hit the report button. No need for such victim blaming and perpetuating the myth that it isn't rape if you don't cry out.

!!!
This is dreadful. Ohsolomio - stop. Just stop. How dare you? I hope MNHQ log on soon.

You don’t need the OP’s help in making yourself look an idiot.

I agree, the sooner MN delete the comments and ban her the better.

This is why actual rape cases rarely even go to trial and even then are rarely won

No, it's down to attitudes like yours.

What OP describes is actual rape
Clearly they don't all happen the same as yours
But this is rape too, its just different to your s and doesn't diminish yours but that still doesn't answer why you've been stalking me across threads?

Thank you everyone for their support.

I’am not stupid. This is exactly why I won’t report it. Because I refuse to be seen as what I’ve been described as here. I have not, could not and would not make this up. I have to live with it, deal with it and find a way to make peace with it.

I’ll always wonder if I was wrong to freeze, what would’ve changed if I had said something.

But at the end of the day, he was already doing it. It would have changed nothing.

It was fucking rape if she was asleep! You cannot consent if you’re asleep - troll or not, and I don’t think she is, it is FACTUAL that sex with someone while they are asleep is rape.

Even if you don’t believe this post, do you not think other rape victims in the same situation might search for advice and read your disgusting comments.

You’re the fucking idiot.

She not 'screaming rape' she was fucking raped.

You need help.

I froze, puddingmama.

It doesn't matter about all the what ifs. What matters is keeping you safe and strong. Can you and the DC's go out today? Some kind of outing he won't come on?

@Ariadne why wouldn't there be a risk to the daughter? Paedophilia is far more common than we like to think. There is a child or teenager asleep on a sofa, easily accessible and unsupervised. Seems too much of a risk to take imo. I certainly wouldn't be allowing a rapist to share a house with my child for any length of time. And if I had to, I'm damn sure I wouldn't be leaving dc unsupervised. When you work with kids you become far more alert to the possibility. Once that happens to a child the psychological damage can be irreparable.

Could they go to their dad's or your mum's, OP?

I don't think women do scream, or shriek, rape at every opportunity.
What is your deal with me?
Why would you?