*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

@ohsolomio actually you are wrong. There is no normal response to rape, a lot of people freeze, a lot of people fight and some people can do nothing but cry and wait for it to be done. There are plenty of articles you can educate yourself with.

Cosmo did a good one talking about the reasons our body's react that way... mostly it is a defence mechanism as the victim feels unable to control or change the situation so has a sort of play dead responce.

Unfortunately it also makes a lot of rape victims unsure if they were raped as they never said no. But if you never said Yes throughout the whole thing then it was rape.

I'm not convinced about the whole drug/anaesthetic/rape thing.
I think this was just a big misunderstanding. He probably thought you were enjoying it if you didn't speak but were clearly awake. If you love and trust this man in every other respect I imagine he would be mortified to think you considered it rape.

I can't believe I just read that.

So, back to Mama how're you doing there?

Hope you can get some support from rape crisis and your mum today and get him out of your house as quickly as you can

I don't need to educate myself. I was violently raped twice. Don't talk to me about articles.

Yes, treacle..best ignored, shocker!
Really quite upsetting to think that some find it acceptable, or do you think it s a sick joke?

OP....I think he is more likely yclaim that he thought you were awake and agreeing to it, particularly as you say when he tried for anal , you resisted that. However, I would say it is pretty clear to most human beings as to whether someone is engaging in sex or not so even that does not excuse him.

Reported. Especially for claiming it’s a myth people freeze. Ohsolimio, I’m desperately sorry that you were raped and I absolutely understand your reaction but everyone's reaction to danger is different.

OP - I understand how you’re feeling and I am so sorry this is happening to you. But I don’t think your plan is a flyer. You will not be able to fake it for 25 hours - no-one could. Your best action is to tell him right now - before the children wake - and tell him you need some space for today. Don’t do the full chuck-out if you really can’t, just tell him you are upset that he would use your body like that and you need him to be somewhere else for today. Not that I care about him, but just in practical terms - where would he go?

"he thought I was asleep"

You were raped and yes other men have raped thier partner in their sleep, I have read couple of these on Mumnet in the past two months.

You say he was the 'perfect man' but he obviously has a very sinister and dark side to him. Considering you have children, I would be concerned about their safety. For now, all bets are off regarding his behaviour.

@Ohsolomio please start a thread so you can talk or get help or get angry, whatever you want, but please respect OPs thread.
...and prefacing something with with respect and then following it with... well, pretty meaningless.
I did actually mean my sentiments to you and I'm sorry you are feeling more angered by it, but its not helping OP, and its her thread.

Please let’s just all concentrate on puddingmama and her situation and not get sidetracked

I cannot think of any way that him staying another 24 hrs will benefit you and your DC especially as you have a DD lying downstairs on the sofa.
You now realise at least part of a much more sinister side to him, you have not seen the rest, so best advice is to not confront , but be pleasant get dressed get your DC and leave. Once you are all in the street in daylight you are safe. Your DM can be there tooif you text her.
Just choose your moment and go, and its done.

Hi OP this is horrific i’m so sorry. There is no right response to an attack so please don’t doubt yourself.

How do you know its a troll thread? Why would you say that?

Have you been stalking me today those things then?

Are you stalking me, because it sounds like it?

I have been with my husband nearly 20 years and not once has he done this!! You have lived with him for 4 months and he had sex with you while you were sleeping, if he was feeling aroused he should of woken you to see if you were feeling the same...to just start having sex with someone who is asleep is just wrong. Yes I think he raped you. Also I think he sounds a bit controlling. How long had you been together before he moved in?

To the OP say you feel like you’re coming down with somethjg and sleep in a different room tonight if you can’t do anything today.

I disagree with the poster saying the daighter is at risk of sexual harm from DH. Let’s not wind up,the OP to greater heights of fear

There is nothing to be gained saying another night alone with this man...rapist.

It's not a think it is actually rape sadly, and no its not ok to wake someone up whilst sleeping to see if they'll have sex with you.