*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

Well done op you are a very strong woman

Please report I suspect this isnt the first time and it wont be the last - multiple claims could help make a case

And yes he should go to jail, yes he did know what he was doing

You did no wrong, I am another woman who has been raped by her husband, he is now my ex. I didn't shout at him to stop because I was scared of waking the kids and the horror they would find if they did wake. You are not alone OP .

OP you are very strong and brave to not doubt yourself and to end the relationship. to you for what you went through.

I am astounded at how many posts have had to be deleted by MN. Is there really that many people ignorant in human behaviour in a crisis or who enjoy being cruel ?

OP I have nothing but admiration for how strong you are.

@PhilomenaButterfly

In the OP's case, very definitely. In my case, very definitely not.

Bu this thread is not about you. Are you seriously this dense and selfish?

ONG OP! You're a bloomin' superwoman for confronting him! And when your mum was there. Honestly a massive, massive well done. Very brave of you.

You KNOW. You know you know what happened. If you're in any doubt, your body will tell you by the way it responds if you think about lying next to him in bed - I bet it doesn't feel relaxed.

He may or may not come creeping back. If he does, remember that you KNOW what he did to you. He cannot take it back, even IF he genuinely feels bad. Which is actually doubtful.

You're amazing and you've had to be very strong these past few hours. IF you feel wobbly later that's because what he did is so very bad, not because you're weak. It's of people have a few counselling sessions to help them deal with it, not everybody though. Just like your reaction when it happened, there's no right or wrong, just do what YOU feel you want or need. x

Just read this thread and just wanted to offer my support to Op. You are a strong, brave woman

And to the random ignorant posters who had to have their disgusting posts deleted, shame on you.

Well done, Op! So incredibly brave and strong ♥️ Please, please be kind to yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for support.

I know you don’t know me but I’m proud of you, you’re doing so well. And your response is normal fwiw, I froze too. I never confronted him, it is one of my biggest regrets.

You’re an inspirational strong woman.

Well done OP for confronting him. I was also raped whilst I was sleeping by my now ex husband, I also froze. The police were supportive and although there wasn't enough evidence for a prosecution it will stay on his file and can be used against him if he does the same thing again to another woman. Please look after yourself

Well done OP! You’re amazing! Xxx

Maybe people should stop using the word "always". I was just correcting that. As someone said "it's rape if you think it is."

Philomena sex without consent is always rape

You have said your husband has consent to start touching you when asleep - but I assume you are always awake and consenting when penetration occurs. Its different and unhelpful

No Antigon, but people have used the word "always". Not always.

No Quartz, I'm not. We had the discussion before we ever had sex. Consent is understood.

Philomena the supreme court of canada certainly disagrees with you (and I would hope most other courts) advanced consent legally is not and never should be enough

YOU may be ok with it but legally it should not be ok because of what it potentially means. You do get that dont you the dangers of ever allowing advanced consent

Yes, but on the other hand, I've known DH for 14 years, been with him for 9, it wouldn't occur to him to do anything I didn't want.

Pudding you are an inspiration! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 For getting shot of the dirty b! I know of soooo many women who would have made excuses for the guy because they are in love.

Madfin2 just read your post. Exactly same thing happened to me and I have never forgotten the feeling of shame and revulsion even though it was 50 years ago. 😥. Reading your post made me feel physically sick. The thought of another little girl suffering like this.

To everyone who has suffered some form of sexual assault - female, male, transgender etc. - we are survivors and will continue to be so with brave people like Pudding leading the way.

@PhilomenaButterfly

It's not consent, but if you're okay with it, crack on, it's entirely your choice. But you're being goady in pressing the point on this thread, how is it helpful to the OP's situation?

Philomena not all woman's dh are nice and respectful. What happened to op was rape, she did not consent to it, and it was not what she wanted.

Read a lot of the pages earlier this morning and was so outraged by the victim blaming and horrendous comments that I refrained from posting, especially while @Pudding was still trying to make sense of the situation, as to not derail the thread even further. Also, it is so easy to whip yourself into outrage on behalf of and inadvertently pressure the OP to take action. I am so relieved for you that you found the strength to confront this guy and throw him out. Whatever happens next is entirely down to you. It really is a personal choice whether to report it or not and people need to stop pushing the OP to go to the police. It can be as traumatic or even more so and one has to be realistic about the chance of it even being prosecuted and even more so of leading to a conviction. For some people that is worth pursuing and others want to deal with it differently. Please stop hectoring the OP and just respect her choice. And FFS @PhilomenaButterfly how many times do you need telling how inappropriate it is to discuss your sexual preferences on a rape thread, are you completely devoid of any common sense, never mind empathy! I am so glad that there were so many supportive posters who helped you through the early hours. Hope you can move forward and deal with the emotional fallout of this.

I'm not trying to be goady Lizzie, but I won't be told that what I experience every so often is rape. What Puddingmama experienced was rape. It's not the same thing. If people hadn't jumped on me, we wouldn't still be talking about it.

He's a sexual predetor and should be reported, he tried for anal, and Pudding cried, he did not stop, yet carried on, and tried for anal again. He raped her in the most horrific fashion, and acted like it was normal.

Can I ask, has this happened before, could he have been sleep when he committed this crime, not that it excuses it at all in anyway. It would be well and truly over and I would be going to the Police.