*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

And they will be crocodile tears, trying to manipulate. Evil. X

You are incredibly strong OP. xx

He said he didn’t. His surprise was realistic, he was disgusted with himself.

I told him that was bullshit and he’s destroyed everything. He’s packing now.

Op you are very strong. Well done in the face of this awful situation, a man you love doing this to you is just despicable, but also so confusing for you. Well done.

I’ve read your thread this morning. Thank god you confronted him. You don’t need to share the same space with this man for any longer. The more time that went on and he was ‘normal’ the more the risk of you minimising what happened would increase.

I’m so sorry for what you have been through. It’s entirely a personal decision whether you choose to report. But either way please access some support through rape crisis. There are no ‘nice’ rapes. Just because you weren’t (thankfully) beaten up or dragged into to a bush by a stranger doesn’t make it easier to cope with the aftermath. In fact being assaulted by someone you trusted is traumatic in itself.

Look after yourself as best you can. Lots of hot tea and try to eat little and often. You will also be grieving for the relationship you thought you had

Well done OP.

You are incredible. If your DD grows up with even a tenth of your strength, she will be an amazing individual.

Please don't you ever, EVER question yourself. Don't you ever let anyone try and minimise this and tell you that he was just a good guy and you were exaggerating. This is not good guy behaviour and you really are being very strong. I'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself and not letting him get away with this!

Good. It is bullshit. Last you night you said you felt weak, you've just proven yourself wrong. I'm so pleased you've done it and didn't wait until tomorrow. Well done x

And for the posters who have chosen to take the time to criticise the op, argue, minimise and basically attempt to derail this thread you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

@shriek I don’t include you in the above! From the posts I could read it seems that solo has a weird personal beef with you.

Well done OP. His reaction was excuses. Someone who "doesn't realise" doesn't try 3 times to repeat an action.

Please look at getting some support and make sure you get your key back.

Well done, OP. I applaud your strength. It's easy to make suggestions from behind a keyboard but following through with them takes courage. x

You are so strong op, well done for sending him packing and gaining to strength to stand up to him x

@MemoryOfSleep exactly!

I hope you are ok op. My friend has a seemingly lovely perfect bf, and early on in their relationship, similar to you, he did the same, she told me and exactly the same as your she was confused and horrified. She didn't know what to do, she didn't tell me for days. She finished it with him but she wouldn't report him as she didn't understand what had really happened, that it was rape. It's so sad.

I am so, so glad that you have told him to leave @Puddingmama2017

I hope your mum is able to stay with you for support. Be kind to yourself, none of this is your fault.

@Puddingmama2017 I've been following this thread all morning without commenting as there was a lot going on. I just want to say how brave you are, you have 100% done the right thing for you and your children

Oh OP, I'm glad to read your updates. I hope you've got lots of support from your mum. Take time to process what has happened, it's okay to feel hurt and confused for a while. Just know that you are so incredibly strong for even acknowledging what happened let alone going through with kicking him out. Well done you. I hope you're okay. Xx

OP I’m so impressed with your strength and determination to confront him about your assault! You did the right thing to get him out of your home. You’re going to need extra support so please reach out to your doctor or women’s aid or a rape crisis center.

I froze when it happened to me. I'm so sorry you've been through this pudding and glad you have some support with you.

Joining all the others in this thread to support you OP. Well done. You are incredibly strong and should feel proud. He deserves to be in jail.

OP you've been so strong to manage this the way you have. There is no pressure to report unless you want to but please be assured the police won't doubt you/react the way some posters here have. Your response is biologically common. The fight, fight or freeze response is a chemical reaction that comes from the amygdala one of the oldest parts of the human brain, a freeze reaction can be from your brain being overwhelmed by those chemicals (adrenaline and cortisol amongst others) which causes an almost paralysis despite your thoughts going into over drive. PPs have recommended some agencies who I've worked closely with many times and they really are fantastic, you can access them with no need to report. Please don't let a few idiots here make you doubt yourself. You know what you've been through and you've made good choices to deal with it.

*fight, flight or freeze

Well done, now you can begin the business of rebuilding and healing. Take it easy and know you did the right thing. If as he says he didn't realise and he's remorseful, hopefully you've prevented this happening to another women.

Not on the same scale but as a young girl staying at my friends house I remember the Dad coming in during the night with a wandering hand. I too froze and pretended to be asleep, I still haven't told anyone IRL and at the time I remember feeling embarrassed and that it was somehow my fault. I know now he was a disgusting man and I am only lucky it didn't go further probably because his dd was asleep in the same room.

Well done OP