*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

Hold strong there love. You have one helluva thread here, bursting with validation for you all the other rubbish has gone

So so sorry you had to go through this . Freezing is a very normal reaction to trauma, not everyone fights , so do not blame yourself in any way.

You need to get him out , I know your mum has work but surely given the circumstance she can cancel and take the children out ?

He has only been living with you 4 months and he has done this, he is not a safe person for you or your children to be around. I would urge you to call the police but understand that may be very very difficult for you.

I admire your courage to stay strong for the children but you are a person too and need to protect you all from this monster.

Do you own think as much as possible but try to keep light, as much as can be humanly possible under the circumstances! Not long now..
Is he off for his paper in a mo, at least you can relax then!

Please don't doubt yourself. Be strong, allow your mom to help and get rid.
Tomorrow get to the Drs and disclose plus seek some counselling for yourself x

You know. Don’t let him plant the slightest seed of doubt. You know.

💐🌷🌹🥀🌺🌸🌼🌻

Don't doubt yourself. He's trying to get you to go along as normal. You know you're not going to report it, but he doesn't. He knows that if you've gone along as normal the next day it strengthens his defence if it does go to court. That's probably also why you had sex the night before, tbh- rape kits are less likely to be able to identify that non-consensual sex has occurred if consensual sex occurred right beforehand, and any semen has a legitimate reason to be there. He is trying to conver his tracks. Manipulative, evil man.

Philomena I'm presuming the lovely you describe is at least being spoken to or touched prior to penetration! This was shockingly different.

@PhilomenaButterfly

Really not helpful.
I'm amazed at some posters coming on the thread posting nonsense like this. Are you all surrendered wives'?

There wasn't any...please RTFT, this is quite sensitive for OP

memoryofsleep

I have rtwt and I cant believe some peoples reactions

Do whats right for you and your children, you have been very brave

@PhilomenaButterfly
i think we can see this wasn’t the case for the Op

I don't understand the posters saying he might have thought she was OK with it. He tried for anal without getting her ready (it hurt) she showed she was awake by crying out, then continued not to respond to him having sex with her. Any loving partner would see that she was not responding in her normal way. Then he tried anal again twice, after she had cried out.

He did not give a shit about her comfort or enjoyment. He was just using her.

OP, he is behaving like nothing is wrong because he doesn't want to acknowledge what he did to you was not acceptable. He is hoping he got away with it.

@shriek you called?

I am so sorry that this has happened to you @Puddingmama2017

You know what he did. He knows what he did. And now you are both doing a strange "everything is normal" dance, albeit for very different reasons.

I understand why you need to wait until Monday, and I understand that you want to shield your children.

But you know what he did. Don't let the "everything is normal" dance confuse you.

I had forgotten to put your name on that post ^...so had to post it on its own, sorry for confusion

Sorry this happened to you OP. You've already gotten good advice here, so I just want to tell you to stay strong

Op, I have been in the same position. The same happened to me. Same reaction the next day.

I ended the relationship thereafter. Bizzarly though, I came up with a different reason for the split. Never told anyone.

Deal with it in the way you want to, it just won't seem real yet. Maybe not for years.

The safest option though is not to have him in you house from today.

@shriek Ah, in that case, you're mistaken. Go back through the thread, the OP says they had sex three hours before the rape.

I think it's easy to feel that the DC are protected by now witnessing a row, but they're not. Truth is, seeing an argument and him leaving will be far more understandable for them than then coming home and he's gone, he's only been there 4/months. So him going whilst DM is there does make this the safe option for OP and the DC rather than another night alone.

Hoping DM is with you now mama

There's a rapist in your house, with your children.

I completely agree that he needs to go, now.

Just an hour of that dance has thrown confusion into the mix for OP...
Stay strong... Keep your safety in the front of your mind to help you focus through his lies and head mess

Yes they had the earlier, but not the later...

Never said that they'd had sex after the rape. Dunno where you got that from, shriek.