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AIBU?

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Original poster

*triggering* Was I raped?

612 replies

Puddingmama2017 · 18/11/2018 03:38

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 18/11/2018 08:48

You're being incredibly strong. Can't add much to help but just wanted you to know we are behind you and you can get rid of this asshole. Don't feed the trolls.

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 18/11/2018 08:49

I'm sorry that happened to you OP. I can't imagine how you must have felt and I have no idea how I would react in that situation.
Stay strong and good luck

OliviaStabler · 18/11/2018 08:49

Ask him to get a paper then lock him out. You and your mum can pack hus stuff and put it outside. Any final bits your Mum can deliver to him. Do it quick, don't put yourself through having to act fine all day Flowers

ZackPizzazz · 18/11/2018 08:49

Could people STFU with the criticism of Op for not performing "kicking rapist partner out" exactly as they want it performed? She has a plan and she's executing it.

Pudding you are doing amazingly. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Please stay safe and do what you need to do.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 18/11/2018 08:50

Your mum will.be there in 10 minutes.
When he goes to get the papers; text him and tell him not to.come back

C0untDucku1a · 18/11/2018 08:50

Youre doing so well mama.

Let your mum help you get rid of him.

Surely your ex would take the children if he knew you’d been raped?

Buggeritimgettingup · 18/11/2018 08:51

You're not wrong OP be strong, the fact that he's acting normally after raping you of chilling, he knows what he did be strong

JaffaBiscuitNotCake · 18/11/2018 08:51

So sorry this happened pudding Flowers

Please can people stop criticising her plans? I totally get not wanting a scene in front of the kids.

There's no need for anything but support on this thread

Shriek · 18/11/2018 08:51

You don't have to ask him. He's going out, your mother's coming.

You don't have to worry about doing this properly or perfectly, its an emergency so that's not required of you. You have a DD in the house; your DM will help you.
You have two perfect opportunities today whilst you are not alone, you will be alone with DC all night and in the morning g when you confront him, that's noba safe option

Today's two opportunities are safe options.

Shriek · 18/11/2018 08:52

*That's not a safe option (not noba!!!)

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 18/11/2018 08:53

^
What shriek said
I am a bit chilled that he pulled you on 5he bed for a "cuddle". He's totally in denial

GruciusMalfoy · 18/11/2018 08:53

OP, I fully believe you. He knows he's wrong. Don't allow him to weasel himself out of it by his acting "normal" this morning. You're a strong woman.

angieloumc · 18/11/2018 08:54

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. You are incredibly strong and you will get through this. How you get him to leave is totally your choice and what is right for you. Needing your mum is totally natural, I hope she is there by now.

geologyrocks · 18/11/2018 08:55

Ok I'm sorry this happened. You prob don't feel it but you are such a strong lady x

Shriek · 18/11/2018 08:57

There isn't any thing more important than keeping you all safe, thank goodness you have your DM too!!

DevonshireCreamTea · 18/11/2018 08:59

He raped you. It was not your fault. There is nothing you did to cause this, this is all him.

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 18/11/2018 09:00

Flowers I hope your mum can give you the rl support you need right now pudding

ShreddedBanksy · 18/11/2018 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 18/11/2018 09:00

He’s talking to me completely normally. Is it possible he thinks I agreed somehow? Could I be wrong? I’m so confused

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 18/11/2018 09:03

Bollocks. He looked over at his partner, completely fast asleep, and thought "ill stick my cock in that".

You may as well have been a hole in the sheet love.

He didn't give a fuck.

RedDeadRoach · 18/11/2018 09:03

No my darling. He knows you didn't consent. He's acting normally because he wants to do it again. He can't do that if he starts a conversation with you about it. No doubt he thinks he's got away with it.

Madfin2 · 18/11/2018 09:03

He most likely believes you were asleep and like some other misled posters above may not even recognise what he did was a crime. You're also sleep deprived and highly anxious (rightly so), so don't second guess yourself. If you're concerned you may backtrack remove yourself as much as possible and limit conversation until your Mum arrives.

OrchidInTheSun · 18/11/2018 09:04

No. You're not going mad. I was raped in similar circumstances and he said the following morning that he didn't understand what he'd done wrong.

But he knew, just as this bloke knows. He's a rapist

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 18/11/2018 09:04

You are not confused. He is gaslighting you so you think you imagined it. Believe me; you have 14 pages of your distress. I read your posts around 4am and I remember you saying you were silently crying.

Rogueone · 18/11/2018 09:04

Of course he is acting normally. You however are not, you did not consent, you feel violated by a man you thought you could trust. Don’t ignore these feelings... my worry from reading your thread is you have brought this man into your home where you have 4 DC. I worry the ‘charming man’ has fooled you and your DM. I wouldn’t trust him