*triggering* Was I raped?

[Puddingmama2017]

I woke up to my partner having sex with me. I lay still and kept quiet. He didn’t know I was awake. I waited for him to ask or check. He tried to go for anal sex but I cried out so he went back to what he was doing. He tried twice more for anal before returning to what he had been doing. Then got up and left the room.

I’ve said before I didn’t mind him trying to wake me by touches and caresses. Is it my fault? Did he misunderstand? Did I give consent without meaning to? I’m so confused and feel so cold.

Is he the children's father? I don't see how you can not bring it up with him, it will be impossible to act normally

@MrsJane I reported a load of posts from OhSoloMio for victim blaming

I have all four today.

No he's not DCs F

Their father is out with his gf today. We have a fairly good relationship but short of someone dying he wouldn’t take the children today.

@keithschickrocks

Have you rtft?
Naive comment at best

@keithschickrocks Do you work for the DM?

4! What ages do you have, as it might be worth enlisting help from older ones with younger ones?

No deets, I mean just like mummy needs you to just listen and do as i ask so we can all get sorted quickly so I need your help with the little ones. So we can out to lunch quickly?!
Or lock the door behind him when he goes for paper. He can always have his stuff dropped off wherever he goes? At least he will then have all the daylight hours to sort himself out?

And if so, don't they at least teach you to how to create a better cover??? Guess not

Omg..@keithschickrocks
Do you really believe that?

OP watch out for your kids mate...

My 10 yr old is watching the baby. I’m cleaning the kitchen and making pain au chocolat. The other two are 8 and 6 and are watching a film. All normal so far

@Puddingmama2017 you’re doing great.
I’m so sorry for all of this. Just take it the way you need to and secure your safety.
Are there any emergency nannies around Near you? Could be an option?
Whatever you do remember it’s not your fault and we are all behind you

She shouted out when he tried to have anal, then he tries twice more?!!!!

Again, do you really believe that??

Thanks for the welcoming words though, doubt I will post again

What a relief!!

Also @keithschickrocks, totally cruel and unnecessary. If you’d read the whole thread you’d see the poor woman was in bits. Don’t be an asshole.
Sex without consent is rape. And as someone who has been raped by a long term partner its fucking awful.

I hope you don’t post again on this thread ‘keith’ and have reported your post for the most obvious of reasons.

I’m so sorry for everything that is happening at the moment OP.

I froze too op when my partner woke me up by groping me then he had sex with me. I didn't want it, we were close to breaking up the evening before and he knew i didnt want to have sex with him but I was so shocked by what he was doing I didn't know what to do - so I believe my brain chose for me and I stayed silent and still until it was over. It took me years to recognise it as rape and even longer, with the help of intensive therapy, to process it and realise it was not my fault.

Freezing is not a passive action in my opinion. Your brain was struggling to make sense of what was happening. Your children were in the house. Maybe you thought that in that moment, waking your children by making a fuss and telling him to get off would probably be worse than just letting him finish. Still rape, still not your fault. Also you didn't know he was capable of raping you. If you had fought back, what else might he be capable of?

You kept yourself safe from worse attack at that moment and your children safe. What is that if not strength? Now you just need to get him out as soon as possible. I do understand not reporting him. I never reported my ex. What's the point with the Victim blaming culture in the uk? Telling you it's not really rape because of x,y,z. Just remember this is not your fault and you did what you had to do in that moment to protect yourself and your children.

What time do you expect him to go out for his usual paper?

He’s not up yet. Normally he would be.

My mum’s coming around 9.

OP I've been raped more than once, in similar circumstances sometimes, and I froze every time.

You didn't do anything wrong by freezing. The guy is dangerous. Your brain responded to danger by not doing something which it somewhere knew could have made it worse. Freezing is a primal reaction. Animals do it when they're being attacked - think of a mouse caught by a cat that looks dead, but will suddenly run off. There are other ways we can respond too, but none are right or wrong.

YOU DID GOOD LAST NIGHT. NEVER DOUBT THAT.

Oh hallelujah Mama

Would this not be considered as your partner waking you up by making love/having sex with you? Is this now classed as rape?

Yes it would be considered that, therefore he started having sex when she was unconscious and therefore UNABLE TO CONSENT. If there had been discussion about it beforehand and she had consented then, it may have been different. There was no conversation.