Not sure if I’ve been UR but either way, i feel a bit foolish and quite upset

[4men1lady]

Just to start, I am massively sleep deprived so my emotions are probably coming from lack of sleep.

Ds 4 is in nursery and is really well behaved which I am really pleased about. I have a really good relationship with all nursery staff and we often have a joke about how good ds is in comparison to how he is at home. Of course all children are different in their own environment. Ds is very highly strung and can throw the most horrendous tantrums. When I tell Nursery this, they never believe me and say the want proof, all light hearted.

Anyway, ds threw one of his almighty tantrums today, so as I do quite often, I videoed him as he likes to watch them back when he’s calmed down and we can laugh about it once I’ve explained that is not how he should act etc.

Any way, I uploaded the video on to parent zone for his key worker to see, still all very light hearted, I thought. I’ve told dh and he’s not impressed at all and says I shouldn’t have put it on as that’s not the child they see, and thinks they will look at him differently now.

And now I feel horrendous and think I’ve made a huge mistake and feel so bad for ds. For what it’s worth, I showed ds the video and told him I would show Nursery.

Please be gentle, I’ve been UR haven’t I.

It’s not the end of the world and I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. But i also think the obsession with videoing everything isn’t particularly helpful. At least you didn’t upload it to FB or insta which some parents do!

Nah. It’s fine. It’s for his keyworker, not the town square. Your DH is being daft - it’s not the first tantrum his KW will have seen FGS.

Can you delete it? Or call and ask them to in the morning.

Problem sass?

I feel in a way I’ve invaded his privacy and can’t find a way to delete it off parent zone.

I don’t think the nursery staff will think differently of your son, so I wouldn’t worry about it from that perspective. I do think you make a bad judgement call for uploading for the nursery staff to watch(but can’t put my finger on why?). For some reason it wouldn’t have been as bad to me if you’d have shown them in person when dropping him off at nursery. But what’s done is done...don’t beat yourself up, we all make an error of judgement as parents sometimes.

It’s done now so no point worrying but I agree with your DH. Personally, I think it’s a horrible thing to have done. Would you appreciate someone filiming you in a strop over something and sending it to a third party ?

I know exactly what you mean drink.
It was just a spur of the moment thing. I don’t even know why I did it, I don’t even have any social media so not in the habit of sharing anything.

I wouldn't have done that. I think it's a bit odd. I can't put my finger on why I think that though... I just do.
But, what's done is done. Hopefully the key worker will just laugh it off with you.

I find it hard to believe that a parent would film a child's tantrum and make them watch it. Even more unbelievable that they would show it to someone else.

I feel awful..

Sometimes the only way to get people to help/believe is to show them.

I know quite a few people that were dismissed by GP's and paediatricians until they showed video proof of what they were dealing with.

I wonder if some of the guilt you feel is because it was actually less light hearted and more "look!!this is what i have to deal with and no one fucking believes it!!"

I don’t make him watch it, he often looks through videos and photos.

Do you thinking filiming him while he’s having the tantrums might be encouraging him to act up. You’re making a big deal out of the tantrums by filiming and them showing your DS - maybe he’s going for bigger and better each time.

I will ask Nursery to delete the video.

Yes revel I think that’s it! If you show them in person you would likely have a light hearted conversation and a bit of a joke about it. There’s no context when it’s uploaded online.
OP please don’t stress over this. The key worker will likely watch it and chuckle at how he’s usually a little angel...make a joke about it next time he’s in nursery. [hugs] to you x

I sometimes video his tantrums to show dh when he gets home as sometimes I don’t think dh realises how hard my days can be.

I think it would have been better to show them in person if you were looking for their advice.

That said I had to record my DD’s cataplexy - which often happened when she was tantrumming - to make the doctors and people around me believe it was happening so I can understand why sometimes it’s the only option.

DS will carry on being good as gold at nursery and that's the main thing. I'm sure the staff aren't naïve enough to think he's an angel all the time, so a normal childish tantrum won't come as any surprise to them.

You filmed your child's tantrum instead of calming him down - so you could watch it later and laugh about it - with hi key worker. The you uploaded it onto some server so its now on the internet???? What the fuck is wrong with you????

You've done it now - i would assume you wouldnt do it again. I agree with your DH.

I've recorded my DS having a tantrum in the past (over daddy not bringing home chocolate milk because daddy wasn't home yet! Only videoed to show DH) but it would never occur to me to show his nursery whether in person or on parent zone but I appreciate what you meant by it, I often have similar conversations about my DS with nursery. What's done is done, maybe just mention the next time that is was a lighthearted thing if they bring it up

I understand your reasons, but perhaps with hindsight you should have done something different. I have no problem with you filming your own young child to show his key worker what he can be like, so they can understand where you're coming from. I've had parents show me films of their children behaving appallingly, in front of the child, the. Expect me as their teacher to chastise them. Now that IS bad.
Let it go, ask them to remove it when you can, and move on.

I find it weird that you would film your child having a tantrum.

But I'm probably just old.

I think it’s the fact that you’ve kind of done it for entertainment that sits uncomfortably with me.

If it were a case of needing to film a particular behaviour as evidence for a doctor, that would be quite different.

This just feels a bit wrong and invasive.
If your son continue to be well behaved when he’s older at school, but sometimes has meltdowns at home, would you film them then and show them to his teachers? Or is it just that he’s young enough to not really speak out against it?

Thank you.
I will specifically ask Nursery not to talk to him about the video too.