Sick to the back teeth of being his alarm clock

[Hocusypocus]

Over the past 12-18 months since he has started working nights the responsibility of waking DP for work has fallen to me, before anybody suggests setting alarms he simply doesn't wake up to them. We've tried again and again and again. He tunes them out, no matter what the volume or tune is.

He's not getting enough sleep because he wants to do other things when he gets home instead of going to bed, which I can understand, but by the time he does retire to sleep he only gets 4-6 hours sleep. He won't stop doing that, I've already told him to.

When I go to wake him as requested I'm sat at the edge of the bed for 10-15-20 minutes repeatedly tapping him and saying his name upwards of 20 times, it's the most repetitive thing and is driving me mental.

Today was more of the same, I made his dinner got him up (it took forever and alot of patience that I don't have) he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa. I left him for thirty minutes then began the tedious process of trying to wake him again, he mutters and goes back to sleep. Acknowledges me then ignores and closes his eyes again.

Cue more slapping him on the arm and raising my voice to call his name. Rinse and repeat for another twenty minutes.

Nothing.

He's an hour and fifteen minutes late for work. I've had enough, am irritated and at the end of my damn tether.

AIBU to just bloody leave him there and let him deal with the repercussions, even though him losing his job would impact me and the DC.

There's no way on this earth he'd have his job if it weren't for me acting as his mother/personal alarm

No matter how many times you post about this pathetic man child waste of space, the answers are always going to be the same.

What are you going to do about it?

Bucket of water. You should only have to do it the once.

(If you are scared to do it because you think he will batter you for doing it, then you should not be in a relationship with him.)

I have problems getting my DS up for school sometimes. I tolerate this because DS is 14. I wouldn't tolerate it in an adult.

Why are the posters with the twattiest partners always pregnant.

They never learn, it's always baby no. 2, 3, whatever.

SnuggleBug7 - you can get one on amazon for less than £25

Here

I'd throw a bucket of cold water on him. And tell him that's how he'll be woken up from now on.

OP leave him to it.

Let him sleep.
If he gets fired then you need to ask whether you want to live your life with a man child.

Don't facilitate his adolescent behaviour.

I don’t understand how you could have sex with someone who behaves like a child and constantly get pregnant. It beggars belief

The pub incident the other day took the Royal piss. I'm still annoyed with him for that, too.

He happened to have two consecutive nights off on that occasion which allowed him to go swanning off for the day and didn't rely on me to get him up, but as far as free time is in general he doesn't get much of it (not condoning how he chose to spend it that day, just mentioning because its relevant to note how much his work takes over daily life %90 of the time)

Why is it the OPs responsibility to get him up?

I really do not understand what this man gives to your life. Other than his potent sperm

He's not suited to working nights. Can he change jobs?

He's not "helping" pay for his own child to get early years education

Let him lose his fucking job. He can just get another one

Other than his potent sperm

Nothing a Labrador couldn't do.

What a crock of shit! I worked nights at a hospital as an RN right out of nursing school and I never needed my husband to wake me up or wasted my time screwing around getting a few hours sleep either! I would drive home, eat breakfast and change into my pjs and go to sleep. Good grief OP your idea of acceptable behavior from a man are warped

I don't really get the 'joky, hilarious' posters who say AN AIRHORN A BUCKET OF WATER LOLOLOL like that's somehow showing him who's boss. It's not. It's just playing along with his infantile behaviour.

Sometimes I wake my husband up, sometimes he wakes me up, 99% of the time we wake up using an alarm clock because we're adults. My husband used to work similar hours (pretty normal for his country), he'd come home, maybe read or play on his phone for a bit, then go to bed.

Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. He will soon change his behaviour when there are actual consequences, because clearly he doesn't take you getting the hump with him seriously at all. Why would he? He doesn't respect you, so you getting in a mood doesn't bother him in the slightest.

I don't know why you're with this childish man. Go online and figure out what benefits you'd be entitled to without him, because in my opinion, once you stop facilitating his absurd behaviour, he'll be out the door.

He's the furthest thing from a perfect partner, he does have redeeming qualities obviously but I wouldn't be moaning on AIBU about those.

Regardless, it's not always as straight forward as just leaving or lobbing him out of the house and making him homeless.

Cold wet flannel on the face?

OP there are lots of people who work long hours plus a long commute. Many folk have to travel for their work and are therefore “on” for days at a time.

You have a young child, you are on duty 24hrs a day if needed.

You need to talk to him about this, it really is not unusual for people to work long hours and he needs to take responsibility for himself and get to bed at a reasonable time. He is not a child but he is acting like one.

Split up with my ex just a couple of weeks ago and this is one thing I don't miss. He had 3 different alarms all on snooze and would have them going off for over an hour before he got up in the morning - starting from 5 am. He'd still expect me to wake him as he would keep switching off the alarm.
One time last winter I feel asleep as well and he ended up late for work. I totally got the blame for that. He really had a go.
If I could go back in time I would just bloody well chuck him out and not try various solutions to get him to get up. Absolutely pathetic and infantile behaviour. Just another symptom of why the relationship couldn't work.
Tell your DP you are not an alarm clock and that's the end of it.

Oh, let me guess: he's a 'great dad'.

He's agreed he needs to go straight to bed after his shift and get a minimum of 7-8 hours so agreed to do that so he can catch up on sleep, but I don't think it'll make a difference initially as he's built up such a sleep debt I'm not convinced he's going to wake up of his own accord even then.

When he has a night off following a shift he easily sleeps for 12 hours before I shout him up for dinner or whatever else I require his presence for.

I've now suggested he get an alarm that vibrates, either under the pillow or on his wrist like the PP's suggested.

I'd prefer he took a drop in earnings and worked days elsewhere, I'd gladly take on more work to make up the difference.

Is it possible that he could drop a shift? Or would the financial impact make it not worthwhile? Could be the answer to a better work/life balance and give him chance to catch up on some sleep.

OK, he's a useless cocklodger and you would be happier and better off without him. Do you want advice on how to get rid? Yes, it is often more complicated than just telling a tiresome man to fuck off, depending on who owns your home or whose name is on the tenancy agreement, etc, but it can be done. The alternative - staying with a tiresome man, getting more and more miserable and resentful, or having his selfish behaviour gradually escalate into outright abuse - is much worse than being single.

If he works 12 hour shifts, gets 8 hours’ sleep and has any travel time at all then basic maths will show him he’s not got hours left to play with. He needs to change to a different t job and you all take the hit on finances, or he needs to accept he hasn’t time to spend to himself in the week and will need to adjust his pattern accordingly. There isn’t a magical third way to make more than 24 hours in a day.

Jesus, 60 hours a week?? Are you sure he;s doing 5 nights a week. that's hideous.