Sick to the back teeth of being his alarm clock

[Hocusypocus]

Over the past 12-18 months since he has started working nights the responsibility of waking DP for work has fallen to me, before anybody suggests setting alarms he simply doesn't wake up to them. We've tried again and again and again. He tunes them out, no matter what the volume or tune is.

He's not getting enough sleep because he wants to do other things when he gets home instead of going to bed, which I can understand, but by the time he does retire to sleep he only gets 4-6 hours sleep. He won't stop doing that, I've already told him to.

When I go to wake him as requested I'm sat at the edge of the bed for 10-15-20 minutes repeatedly tapping him and saying his name upwards of 20 times, it's the most repetitive thing and is driving me mental.

Today was more of the same, I made his dinner got him up (it took forever and alot of patience that I don't have) he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa. I left him for thirty minutes then began the tedious process of trying to wake him again, he mutters and goes back to sleep. Acknowledges me then ignores and closes his eyes again.

Cue more slapping him on the arm and raising my voice to call his name. Rinse and repeat for another twenty minutes.

Nothing.

He's an hour and fifteen minutes late for work. I've had enough, am irritated and at the end of my damn tether.

AIBU to just bloody leave him there and let him deal with the repercussions, even though him losing his job would impact me and the DC.

There's no way on this earth he'd have his job if it weren't for me acting as his mother/personal alarm

[Hocusypocus]

@Pebblespony mine has done the same on a handful of occasions, stayed up because he would've got so little sleep after doing what needed to be done in the day, he wouldn't have got up. He reasoned that he might as well just ride it out and get what sleep he can the next day but I can't imagine the toll two consecutive night shifts with no sleep will take on somebodies mental and physical health.

I'm hoping after Christmas he'll reconsider because it's not sustainable to continue in that job the way things are.

[Hocusypocus]

I'm reading and appreciate every one of your replies BTW, struggling to respond to everybody directly in a timely manner but am taking on board all of your opinions and suggestions

[TenForward82]

What is he doing that "needs to be done"? Fucking off down the pub?

[GabsAlot]

thats what i thought ten

[Hocusypocus]

@TenForward82 spending time with DS mainly but several mornings a week he goes to check in with his elderly DF who's not in the best of health.

Spending the afternoon at the pub has only happened once, he's been for a pint after football no more than three times in the last few years but not stayed for any more than one until last Sunday when he took the piss.

[Ollivander84]

He needs to think of it as getting in after a days work. So I'll use my old shifts as an example!
Start at 7pm, finish at 7am
So I would get home, eat, watch TV, nip out if I needed to and in bed for 9.30am/10am. Sleep until 5pm then up, food, brew, "morning" routine then back to work

[POPholditdown]

You’ve said exactly what I used to say- it’s not sustainable.

I was the same with money for a while, and was reluctant to leave. In my mind the job was ‘easier’ at night as there were less people/interruptions etc and I was paid a shift premium. I buried my head in the sand about the toll it took on me.

I only ended up leaving because of a redundancy consultation. I wasn’t due a pay out (not there long enough) but took voluntary anyway, without another to go to (which I appreciate he can’t do). But my point is it was only being on the verge of redundancy that made me reevaluate and see that I could afford a pay cut. It was like a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hopefully he will see it too. Can you sit down and go through your income and come up with an amount you can afford to lose?

[LellyMcKelly]

Buy a Bluetooth speaker and place it carefully on a piece of furniture out of arms reach. Put on Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On full blast on a loop. Close the door. Do nothing else.

[nutellaontoastgirl]

I just realised I am a grown ass woman who expects her husband to wake her up every morning to get the dc ready for school. been doing this for five years now !

Time to use my alarm ! 😂

[speakingtruthfully]

I have sympathy with your DP it sounds like he's endlessly working then cannot switch off when he gets home enough to sleep , sometimes when you are worn out it becomes impossible to stop , switch off and sleep even if he's exhausted his body is plodding on , it's now become a habit / routine and very difficult for him to break out of..... really not good for him long term
I know it's frustrating for you and cannot be much fun but you say you need the money ....

[Imissgmichael]

I’m finding it difficult to believe anyone in the U.K. is contracted to work five twelve hour shifts in every seven day cycle. Years ago I worked 12 hour shifts sometimes 7 at a time but it still didn’t add up weekly on average to what the op is saying. Can the IP elaborate.

[Miscible]

If he won't give up the job because he likes the money he earns from it, then it's up to him to do whatever it takes to keep the job - which includes getting to sleep early enough to be sure he can wake up in time to go to work, and arranging his own alarm calls. If you don't wake him and he does nothing to help himself, the decision will be taken out of his hands anyway.

[BasicUsername]

Some of the replies on this thread are insane.

Several people have suggested throwing a bucket of water over him. Who throws water over their own bed? Stupid suggestion.

@Sethis

"open handed, full force, slap across the face?"

That is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE you fucking monster. I hope you don't act so disproportionately in your own life.


OP, I see that you have previously discussed him getting a new job, and I really think that that is the only way to resolve this issue. I totally understand how annoying it must be for you to spend so much time and effort waking him every day, but I don't think it sounds like he is doing it on purpose.

I also don't see how he can realistically just go straight to bed as soon as he comes in from work. But the time he has done a 12 hour shift, travelled home, made / eaten food and wound down a bit, then done a bit of life admin, he is left with very little time left for sleep, even though it is incredibly important.

Him finding a new job is the only option he has in the long term, things can't carry on as they are indefinitely.

[Shoxfordian]

Yeah he does need to find a new job but he should also be making sure he can wake himself up. If you weren't with him then he'd have to do it himself so he should be able to..

[gamerchick]

@PippaRabbit that's some jealousy you've got going on there, nasty

[Foreverlexicon]

You can get an old fashioned metal ringing alarm clock for about £15 in Argos.

I used to have a similar problem of sleeping through alarm clocks - not laziness, I’m just a heavy sleeper and phone alarms just did nothing for me. I would set them on my phone and several old phones and it was just pot luck when I woke up!

Now this alarm is BRUTAL. It quite literally wakes the dead. I’m a shift worker and I live in a semi and I pity my neighbours. I literally launch myself out of bed to turn it off because it’s horrendous.

[Stillwishihadabs]

You have to stop doing this as others have said he is an adult. Being properly late for work a couple of times should sort it out.

[Puggles123]

He won’t sleep through this: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=asc_df_B000OOWZUK56916184/?hvlocphy=20339&linkCode=df0&hvnetw=g&hvadid=218207226888&creative=22122&creativeASIN=B000OOWZUK&hvpos=1o2&hvdev=m&hvtargid=pla-370740399108&hvrand=11510890228750426615&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Hisaishi]

pippa referring to another poster as 'it'?

Jealous or not, it's quite tittish behaviour.

[Namechanger55555]

I haven't read the thread but has he tried a vibrating watch?

www.amazon.co.uk/Alarm-Clock-Vibrating-Shake-N-Wake-Personal/dp/B0027A573Q?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

That would be difficult to ignore!

[Hisaishi]

namechanger First click 'show all messages' then control f, then enter 'vibrating' and you'll see if your suggestion has been mentioned.

Not being arsey, but just for next time.

[WTFIsAGleepglorp]

I've worked permanent nights in a couple of jobs.

The extra money is supposed to compensate for the lack of 'life'.

He needs to go to bed at an earlier time and get used to not being around.

He seems to be playing the martyr.

"Look how hard it is?"

"I'm doing this for us babe!"

He's sometimes hours late for work and mooching around sleep deprived which makes me wonder how competent he is and how close is je to getting fired.

He needs to give himself a shake and sort this out.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

He's sometimes hours late for work and mooching around sleep deprived which makes me wonder how competent he is and how close is je to getting fired.

This was exactly what went through my mind - and also - if he made a serious error through tiredness, could he, or anyone else, end up injured or dead?