Sick to the back teeth of being his alarm clock

[Hocusypocus]

Over the past 12-18 months since he has started working nights the responsibility of waking DP for work has fallen to me, before anybody suggests setting alarms he simply doesn't wake up to them. We've tried again and again and again. He tunes them out, no matter what the volume or tune is.

He's not getting enough sleep because he wants to do other things when he gets home instead of going to bed, which I can understand, but by the time he does retire to sleep he only gets 4-6 hours sleep. He won't stop doing that, I've already told him to.

When I go to wake him as requested I'm sat at the edge of the bed for 10-15-20 minutes repeatedly tapping him and saying his name upwards of 20 times, it's the most repetitive thing and is driving me mental.

Today was more of the same, I made his dinner got him up (it took forever and alot of patience that I don't have) he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa. I left him for thirty minutes then began the tedious process of trying to wake him again, he mutters and goes back to sleep. Acknowledges me then ignores and closes his eyes again.

Cue more slapping him on the arm and raising my voice to call his name. Rinse and repeat for another twenty minutes.

Nothing.

He's an hour and fifteen minutes late for work. I've had enough, am irritated and at the end of my damn tether.

AIBU to just bloody leave him there and let him deal with the repercussions, even though him losing his job would impact me and the DC.

There's no way on this earth he'd have his job if it weren't for me acting as his mother/personal alarm

[TheHandmaidsTail]

Totally Void. He'll end up depressed at best.

[heavenlypink]

Know where you are coming from @Hocusypocus

Considering buying my OH one of theses

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=ascdff_B000OOWZUK56908900/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22122&creativeASIN=B000OOWZUK&linkCode=df0&hvadid=218207226888&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12322445535125688027&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006948&hvtargid=pla-370740399108

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

I was going to suggest iced water over his genitals, but you seem to have the matter sorted . . . .

The next step would be boiling water over the genitals of course, but I doubt you'd have to resort to that after the ice . . . .

[WTFIsAGleepglorp]

If he lived by himself he's wake up.

He needs to go to bed at a reasonable time and use an alarm that wakes him up.

You know that, he needs to.

[WTFIsAGleepglorp]

he'd wake up...

[Hocusypocus]

@TheHandmaidsTail I'm working part time, have told him I'd happily find another FT job until babies born so he can take a different job during days, his pride is a problem and he doesn't want to seem like he's letting us down. I've told him that he wouldn't be, but he's very stubborn. Ultimately he's not happy to take home less than he is now and that's an issue because night work does pay considerably more.

@OneStepMoreFun have taken note of your suggestions and will try some of those, he's gotten so used to me shaking his arm and saying his name it never works anymore

[Nithead]

My mum would get a cold flannel that would shock us out of sleep. Occasionally ripping the duvet off.
If the D.C. are really bad i blast music but they like that and get up to dance

[Hocusypocus]

@heavenlypink I like the look of that, you may have found me one of his Christmas presents

[POPholditdown]

I don’t think many understand how much working nights fucks you up. Some posters should utilise google and find out how it affects your body.

I worked nights for nearly two years, it was atrocious. I was physically ill loads of
times.

Yes, there’s all the ‘sleep as soon as you get in’ but life didn’t sleep during the day because I needed to. I would lie awake for 3-4 hours trying to sleep, sometimes longer, but the truth is daylight had woke me up by the time I got home.

Cars had to drive past, neighbours have to do their diy, and my body was just not designed for it.

When I’d only get 3-4 hours sleep every day for weeks, I was dead to the world. And when I did eventually wake up, I’d feel or be sick. It was horrendous. It’s really not the same as having a long commute.

I’m glad my dp was never advised to slap me with full force or told I was useless.

Thankfully, I’m out of that position now and all I can advise is for your dp to try and do the same even if it means taking a cut in pay.

[TheVoidOfJanet]

Also he should get blackout blinds so the room is dark when he goes to sleep.

The only good thing is he is consistently on nights, rather than changing between Day/twilight/night shifts. That’s the worst thing you can do for someone;s metabolism.

[LegoandiPads]

Today I told my 11 and 9 year old children that I will no longer be responsible for their timekeeping. They have alarms, clocks, they know when breakfast is served and when they leave for school.

The grown ass man in the house sorts (or not) himself out.

[POPholditdown]

That’s not to say OP I don’t understand how stressful it is for you too, of cpurse it is. but it’s very unlikely that he’s doing it on purpose or because he’s lazy as some posters seem to want you to believe.

[TheVoidOfJanet]

Sunrise alarm clocks

www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/house-garden/bedroom/best-wake-up-light-alarm-clock-sunrise-dawn-simulator-dab-app-a8362131.html

[raviolidreaming]

Surely throwing water over him would effectively be throwing water over OP's own bed?

Anyway, I feel sorry for him. 4 hours sleep a day, 60 hour weeks, permanent nights - it's no wonder he's struggling to function. Not everyone is suited to nights, and not everyone can switch off straight away and go to sleep when they get home. He needs a new job before he keels over; this isn't sustainable.

[TheVoidOfJanet]

And AnyFucker you know teenagers need more sleep than adults due to the hormonal changes they undergo, right?

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sleep-newzzz/201709/your-teen-needs-more-sleep

[SouthernComforts]

I initially thought "What a childish lazy twat"... but reading on he's working a hell of a lot, he must be knackered and genuinely struggling to wake up.

He needs to be sensible though and go to sleep earlier, or he'll make himself ill.

[GabsAlot]

the man who left u standing out in the cold whilst he was in the pub?

tell him to grow up-my dh works shifts its his job he gets up like an adult with resonsibilites

[GabsAlot]

ah he doesnt want to let u down-whatever

[Weenurse]

Try to have a discussion about long term effects of night duty on the body as well to encourage him to find a day job. Also explain that you would like some help overnight when the baby is born.
Work out a budget on a lower income to prove to him that you can manage as a family with him in a day job.

[Pebblespony]

My DH does shifts like this. I am constantly worried about him looking his job. He's lost two already. Sometimes, he's so worried he won't wake up on time, he doesn't go to bed at all. I have to ring him from work to make sure he's up. I don't work far away so a few times I've actually had to leave work to come home to wake him. We're stuck like this for the time being and if he loses this job we're in big trouble but are planning a major change in a year which should solve it. You have my sympathies OP.

[bluefolder]

Jug of ice water. You’ll only need to do it once.

[Miscible]

Have got a text from him thanking me for dinner and apologising for not waking up earlier and telling me he can't help it because he's so drained.

But he can help it. He could just go to bed earlier.

[festivellama]

He says he wants to keep this job because if he earned less then he would be letting you down.

Doesn't he realise that he is doing that already by working these hours? What family life do you all have? What is he doing to his health? A lot of people work night shifts, but 12-hour shifts 5 nights a week? No wonder he is exhausted. There are legal limits on working hours for night workers, so you might want to check that out.

[Hocusypocus]

I agree he needs to change jobs and that needs to be a priority, we've discussed it many times but it always comes back to him saying he doesn't want to take home less money, he's doing it for me and the DC, I do enough etc.

@GabsAlot I can see the irony after last week's performance and it does make me raise an eyebrow myself.

I think overall its the money for him, he's gotten very accustomed to his current wage and doesn't want to accept any less. I'm trying to stress to him the point that the extra money isn't worth the stress, exhaustion and toll on family life.

[LannieDuck]

What does he suggest?

If you didn't happen to be around at the time he needs to wake up (appointment / visiting friends / out at work yourself or whatever), what would he do?

This is really his problem and for him to solve. If he can't work out a way to get himself up on time, he's going to have to swallow his pride and take a different job with hours that are better suited. You're a partnership, and just because he has a penis doesn't mean he always has to earn more than you. That's rather insulting.