Sick to the back teeth of being his alarm clock

[Hocusypocus]

Over the past 12-18 months since he has started working nights the responsibility of waking DP for work has fallen to me, before anybody suggests setting alarms he simply doesn't wake up to them. We've tried again and again and again. He tunes them out, no matter what the volume or tune is.

He's not getting enough sleep because he wants to do other things when he gets home instead of going to bed, which I can understand, but by the time he does retire to sleep he only gets 4-6 hours sleep. He won't stop doing that, I've already told him to.

When I go to wake him as requested I'm sat at the edge of the bed for 10-15-20 minutes repeatedly tapping him and saying his name upwards of 20 times, it's the most repetitive thing and is driving me mental.

Today was more of the same, I made his dinner got him up (it took forever and alot of patience that I don't have) he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa. I left him for thirty minutes then began the tedious process of trying to wake him again, he mutters and goes back to sleep. Acknowledges me then ignores and closes his eyes again.

Cue more slapping him on the arm and raising my voice to call his name. Rinse and repeat for another twenty minutes.

Nothing.

He's an hour and fifteen minutes late for work. I've had enough, am irritated and at the end of my damn tether.

AIBU to just bloody leave him there and let him deal with the repercussions, even though him losing his job would impact me and the DC.

There's no way on this earth he'd have his job if it weren't for me acting as his mother/personal alarm

[Hocusypocus]

@LittleScottieDog I actually tried recording it in jest one time! He wasn't impressed but neither was I repeating the same tiresome routine every day

[Weenurse]

He needs to plan 8 hours sleep in his day. When is up to him, but trying to run on 4-6 hours sleep continuously will do this to a person.
So says former night duty worker.

[MiniCooperLover]

This is ridiculous, as you already know OP. Was it him who stated you should perch on the side of the bed and slowly and gently wake him up ?!? 🙄. Absolutely fuck that !!! He's on the verge of being fired as it is I can almost guarantee you (I'm sorry). If he refuses to listen to alarm clocks then I don't know what to suggest, but it's not your responsibility

[RainbowBriteRules]

Some pretty harsh replies here! Working nights is a different ball game and in fact the advice is often for people to do something after work like you would on a ‘normal’ day shift.

If he is really doing 5 12 hour shifts a week and those shifts are nights then, unless he gets long sleep breaks at work, that is pretty relentless. Of course he is knackered. He needs a fancy alarm clock.

[SnuggleBug7]

My df always used a bugle to wake us up/call us for dinner/send us mad. Very effective, but not sure how expensive they are!

[dontalltalkatonce]

I couldn't live like this. Let him get sacked. Fuck that.

[SummersB]

This is nuts. I work a lot of night shifts and I have never had to rely on anyone getting me up to go to work! Surely the answer is simple: go to bed when you get home, wake up naturally and if there is time do your own shit/fanny around or whatever until it’s time to go to work again?! That’s what I do, except I don’t have time to fanny as usually by the time I get up the kids are on their way home from school and I’m busy doing housework/tea/etc. It sucks but so does most shiftwork. Your DP sounds totally selfish and a twat to boot.

[Hocusypocus]

It began as "could you give me a nudge at x'o clock please and wake me for work' I happily obliged as it wasn't a big ask to begin with.

On days that I didn't wake him I soon realised he'd massively oversleep and be late which resulted in me eventually going in to rouse him anyway.

I continued doing it so he didn't get in trouble at work, then it became to be expected and the norm so these days he'll tell me what time he wants waking up before he goes to bed.

I've told him that as of now I'm not doing it anymore, it's a pain in the arse and annoys the life out of me.

I'm jointly responsible because I've allowed it to continue, but had I not done so then there's no way he'd still have the job and it's not practical for him to not be in work.

He's applied for daytime shifts elsewhere but is reluctant to take the drop in earnings as night shifts are paid considerably more.

[petbear]

Fuck me I would have murdered him by now.

Get him a VERRRRRRY loud alarm clock, and tell him you will have no more responsibility for getting him up!

[AnyFucker]

Stop babying him. You are not his mother. He is a grown-ass man, right ?

[Hocusypocus]

@AnyFucker most definitely, but the alternative to me doing it is him loosing the job and us having to live from my part time wages.

I could happily return to work full time but would absolutely need his wage to help pay the childcare costs associated with doing that.

It's infuriating

[Holdingonbarely]

Let him lose his job

[BlahBlahRidiculous]

You sound like an intelligent woman... but I recognized your user name from a post the other day. That was terrible what he did to you the other weekend. And with the history of the relationship, And now this.
You deserve better. I'd say LTB, but I can appreciate how hard that would be with a little one and one on the way.

[Aquamarine1029]

Stop this madness. Tell him TODAY you will no longer be his personal mummy alarm clock. Tell him if he chooses to put your family in financial jeopardy because he isn't adult enough to wake up on time, he can fuck off and live somewhere else.

[Boyskeepswinging]

But why is it YOUR responsibility to keep him in employment? Why isn't he taking any responsibility for himself? That's what I don't understand.

[Maelstrop]

Unless he as some serious medical issue, it is ridiculous to have to spend 20 minutes trying to wake him up. He is choosing to not get up and choosing to fall asleep after food. I know not everyone is the same, but even if I do my usual got to bed at midnight, wake up at 4, I can still get out of bed for work at 6.

Open hand slap. Full strength. Right across the face. Leave a mark.

Fucking hell. Right, yeah, sure, great idea. NOT.

[AnyFucker]

I am currently having the hump with my 18yo about this kind of behaviour

Are you with an 18yo ?

[Chouetted]

I have sympathies with your DH, as when i was a teenager I had to resort to asking my mother to dump water on me in the morning so that I would actually wake up - alarm clocks didn't shift me at all.

Two points - in the short term, try dumping a basin of cold water on his head.

In the long term, he really needs to change jobs. Forget the money - his health will be suffering, mentally and physically. It's probably affecting him now.

[WarCat]

Why are the posters with the twattiest partners always pregnant.

[Hoopaloop]

Sounds like horrific working hours. Does he get to do anything apart from work?

[londonmummy1966]

Bucket of water every time until he agrees to wake himself up.

[AnyFucker]

Going off op's previous posts he gets plenty of time to do "other stuff". In the pub.

[BiscuitDrama]

I agree that you shouldn’t have to wake him, but would just yanking the duvet off and taking it with you be all that was needed?

[BatShitBitchChops]

Spray water bottle, just keep spraying him in the face. I would have had him under the patio by now.

[Hocusypocus]

He's saying if he got in at 10:00am and slept straight away for eight hours until 6:00 he'd only have an hour with me and DS. It's not ideal but it's how it is, isn't it? Work has to be the priority for now.

I'm hearing the PP's who mentioned my other thread BTW and it hasn't been forgotten about