Daughter not speaking to me AIBU

[Bogstandardbob]

My daughter has decided that she is not speaking to me after taking a comment I made the wrong way. The comment was a joke but she has completely over reacted and cut me out of her life. She used to phone me once a week but I haven’t heard from her for weeks now although she’s allowed my grandchild to contact me a few times. She’s sent me an email explaining why she’s so upset but I don’t understand why she can’t see it was a joke. I haven’t contacted her at all since this happened as I don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong. She’s taken it the wrong way so what can I do? AIBU?

Don't worry OP, I am sure your son will be more than happy to accommodate you at Christmas. Perhaps phone him now and check? I am sure he wont be too busy working/away/otherwise engaged to host his darling Mother.

Quick heads up, your Daughter will certainly be too busy this year I believe, but it wont matter to you because you prefer your Son

It’s impossible for me to imagine a situation where I would willingly risk a relationship with a close family member because it was more important to me to have it recognised that the comment was a joke.

Children in primary school learn to apologise for jokes that hurt people’s feelings. There’s no excuse for an adult refusing to do so.

What an obtuse foolish person you are.

Just ring up and apologise. It is blatantly obvious that this was the straw that broke your daughters back.

You need to start mending you relationship with her, or you will end up a lonely, bitter, old woman.

Pick up the phone.

The overwhelming response is that you've been unreasonable.

You don't see any point in contacting her, its usually her that contacts you etc. She hasn't stopped talking to you, you've stopped talking to her!

You are in denial. This is a warning sign.

A joke, you say?! And she's mentioned similar incidents too.

Does this seriously not strike a chord with you or would you rather Bury your head in the sand and moan to strangers.

It's you that will lose out.

Sounds like the joke was hilarious 🙄

It'll be fine, OP.
Just give it a couple of weeks and send her an email asking if she is still sulking...

Sorry, don't believe this is real for a second.

Have you ever seen/read "King Lear"? You know, the one about someone too proud & stubborn to approach his own child having wronged her? It doesn't end well....

You sound just like my mum. I was always over reacting or too sensitive. Never had that problem with anyone else mind. I haven't spoken to her for years now.

You sound like my mother... Won't take responsibility and won't admit when they're in the wrong. You won't call her because she always calls you? Really? Pick up the phone you silly woman!!

Don't apologise, but prepare to lose the relationship with your daughter.

Commenting simply to see if OP ends up seeing the light. Love that she was almost universally told she was being a dick and just fucked off.

So was the joke worth loosing your daughter

You will return to this thread OP because you are a narcissist and you won't be able to help yourself. By the way, all those unpleasant comments that have been made to you? They're jokes. We are only joking.

I haven’t contacted her because she always phones me

Just phone! Say sorry. Make the first move.

i just don’t know what to do
You need to apologise unreservedly

i don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong
You don’t need to see it, you just need to apologise for it. Look, you’ve said something hurtful, and it sounds like you have form. The only way to move this forward is to apologise. If your poor daughter has had a lifetime of suspecting she is second best to her brother, then what you hav said is out of order.

Apologise, she will tell you all over again how shit it made her feel, you say nothing but” I know, I’m really sorry”, you just have to suck it up.

When it comes to my dc I'll be wrong anytime to prevent lasting pain.
Are You enjoying yourself being Right?
Seems like a very one sided relationship.
You've done loads and.... that doesn't mean she owes you or you can make hurtful comments.
Spending time with you gd and dd should be enjoyable not a IOU.

You've proven she's right by not apologising. You actually prefer yourself than her.
Odd thing,

Nothing worse than a parent who cannot see when they are wrong and so never they are sorry.

Apologise to your daughter.

Don't phone your daughter.

You're not sorry, and she's better off without your horrible comments jokes.

You sound like my mother, thought she could sweep her bad behaviour under the carpet, very dismissive of my feelings. No way would she apologise. I've been non contact for 3 yrs now. You are a cow.

Maybe she's felt like you do prefer her brother, maybe it's true? Or maybe it's how you've made her feel growing up, so when you said it as a "joke" it upset her because she's always felt like that, your her mother and should be the bigger person and apologise, it sounds like she would be better off without you in her life.
Grow up, pick up the phone and apologise to your daughter.

this is so depressing.

my whole life my mother invalidated my feelings and told me I was too sensitive, over reacting, being dramatic, foolish. I tried to make her respect a boundary about ten days ago and she reacted badly. How can a mother consider her daughter's feelings so irrelevant!?

You will return to this thread OP because you are a narcissist and you won't be able to help yourself. By the way, all those unpleasant comments that have been made to you? They're jokes. We are only joking
^ this

YABVU. She hasn’t overreacted and she deserves a grovelling apology off you, however she is much better off without you.

I don't think you should do anything. You sound like a complete twat and your daughter is better off without you.

Good grief!!!

It’s only a joke if everyone laughs.

You sound hard, and cold and mean.

Don’t ring her. You’re incapable of empathy.