Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter not speaking to me AIBU

230 replies

Bogstandardbob · 16/11/2018 19:48

My daughter has decided that she is not speaking to me after taking a comment I made the wrong way. The comment was a joke but she has completely over reacted and cut me out of her life. She used to phone me once a week but I haven’t heard from her for weeks now although she’s allowed my grandchild to contact me a few times. She’s sent me an email explaining why she’s so upset but I don’t understand why she can’t see it was a joke. I haven’t contacted her at all since this happened as I don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong. She’s taken it the wrong way so what can I do? AIBU?

OP posts:
Kelsoooo · 16/11/2018 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

chocolatecoveredraisons · 16/11/2018 19:58

Jokes are meant to be funny. That is never funny. I bet you would hit the roof if she told you she preferred her dad to you

Mokepon · 16/11/2018 19:58

I haven't contacted her because she always calls me..
Maybe she just cba always calling.
Me either hence have not spoken to M since April.

eloliphant · 16/11/2018 19:58

You made a " joke " that you preferred her to brother to her?! She's contacted you since explaining why she's upset and you haven't contacted her or apologised!

Poor girl, I feel sorry for your daughter.

Villanellesproudmum · 16/11/2018 19:59

You sound like my parents, they’ve had three children their “jokes” passive aggressive criticism has meant I’m the last one still in contact and that’s hanging on a thread. I could be wrong of course but if you cared you’d contact her back.

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/11/2018 19:59

My late mother always preferred my brother to me and never hid the fact . I cannot tell you how much it hurt me. Get in touch, tell her you never meant to upset her and reassure her that you love her just as much as her brother.

Hidillyho · 16/11/2018 20:00

If you hit someone, made them trip up by accident I’m guessing you would apologise for hurting that person.
Same when a joke backfires. A joke is only funny when everyone finds it funny. Your daughter didn’t.
Is potentially NC for the rest of your life worth it? I doubt it. Go an apologise to your daughter, listen to why it upset her and don’t turn it round on her to say she should have found it funny

Original poster
Bogstandardbob · 16/11/2018 20:00

I just don’t know what to do. In the email she mentioned other incidents similar to this that I don’t remember. I’ve done so much for her and her child but I’m hurt that she can do this. I don’t see how contacting her will help when she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to speak to me.

OP posts:
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 16/11/2018 20:01

So you said you preferred her brother and she was upset so you haven’t contacted her at all since despite her contacting you to explain why she was hurt?
Mum of the year

VaultDweller · 16/11/2018 20:02

Maybe she's realised that you're treating her like shit.

mylightbulbmoment · 16/11/2018 20:02

Don't phones work both ways then?

greendale17 · 16/11/2018 20:02

Sounds like she (daughter) needs to grow up

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 16/11/2018 20:02

Fucking hell. You apologise. You acknowledge that she is hurt. You reassure her that you love her. It is up to you to fix this. She is your daughter

PurpleDaisies · 16/11/2018 20:02

You need to contact her and apologise.

Strongmummy · 16/11/2018 20:02

People are telling you what to do OP. Call your daughter to apologise. This is either a joke or you’re thick

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/11/2018 20:03

Have you apologised?

There seems to be more to this one incident. These comments will be remembered by her, less so by you because you find them funny. They'll have hurt her and she'll remember everytime you say it, so it doesn't surprise me it's not the first time.

You need to apologise to her.

Grimbles · 16/11/2018 20:03

Apologise or get used to never seeing your daughter again. The latter seems to be what's best for her imo.

Junkmail · 16/11/2018 20:03

She always phones you? You never bother to contact her? Only one of the many, many reasons I stopped speaking to my own mother 4 years ago 🙄 Add to that the joke about you preferring her brother over her? No wonder she won’t speak to you.

SammySays · 16/11/2018 20:05

You sound dreadful. If you hurt or upset someone even if you didn’t mean to, the right thing to do is apologise. Surely a relationship with your daughter is more important than pride Hmm

Original poster
Bogstandardbob · 16/11/2018 20:06

I can’t believe the responses here. It was a joke. Do you get this upset every time someone makes a joke that you don’t like? Total over reaction on her part. I will phone her like you have all advised but I’m not apologising for her over reacting.

OP posts:
lorraine110 · 16/11/2018 20:06

just wait till her children do not find her jokes funny then you can remind her about this

peachgreen · 16/11/2018 20:06

So basically you DO prefer her brother?

PurpleDaisies · 16/11/2018 20:07

Did you not read and understand her email? The joke in isolation would haven probably been fine if she hadn’t already thought you preferred her brother.

JimandPam · 16/11/2018 20:07

I just don’t know what to do

Then none of us can help you...it's painfully obvious that you are BVVU and need to start building bridges

I am genuinely thinking this must be a reverse though?

LilMy33 · 16/11/2018 20:08

You’ve fucked up. I have no idea if your daughter will move past this but I can tell you as someone who’s mother can be a twat much like you seem to be, first thing to try is to say you are sorry and mean it. If she doesn’t answer the phone text or write a letter. But take responsibility for what you’ve said and done to upset her. Sounds like it goes way beyond this 1 (shitty pathetic) joke.