Daughter not speaking to me AIBU

[Bogstandardbob]

My daughter has decided that she is not speaking to me after taking a comment I made the wrong way. The comment was a joke but she has completely over reacted and cut me out of her life. She used to phone me once a week but I haven’t heard from her for weeks now although she’s allowed my grandchild to contact me a few times. She’s sent me an email explaining why she’s so upset but I don’t understand why she can’t see it was a joke. I haven’t contacted her at all since this happened as I don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong. She’s taken it the wrong way so what can I do? AIBU?

You can apologise for it all, @Bogstandardbob -

I am truly sorry for anything I have said that has hurt you. I realise that my latest comment was the final straw, and I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

There - easy.

You will never get it but it's very clear to everyone here. You're an emotionally abusive parent and I'm glad she had the strength to break away from you and protect her daughter from your toxicity. Your jokes are actually a form of abuse as is your minimising her feelings.

Mum? Is that you?

OP, If this is a reverse then your mother is never going to get it. My advice would be to go low or no contact.

If you really are the mother and are as narcissistic as you sound, then my guess is that you’ve been making these types of “jokes” for years. Or saying things for your daughter’s “own good”. Take some advice from someone who knows: Apologise properly and sincerely for hurting your daughter’s feelings OR lose her and probably your grandchild too. Children don’t ask to be born and they owe their parents nothing. If you respected your daughter as a separate adult with actual feelings then you would not say hurtful things and pass them off as jokes. If you think in terms of “she owes me for everything I’ve ever done for her” and refuse to apologise immediately and sincerely then I forsee that you will end up a lonely old woman.

My mother left me no choice but to go no contact. That was several years ago and she still thinks she’s done nothing wrong.

You stupid stupid woman.

It’s not about apologising to be factual OP it’s about apologising because the small tiny child you gave birth to, and is now and adult, is so devastated by what you said (and obviously other stuff you’ve done now you’ve drop fed) she’s gone no contact. As a mother you should be wanting to do whatever it takes to make that better and make her feel happier again. The fact you don’t understand that makes me know she’s made the right decision. You keep making this about you but it’s about her.

Grow up.

Well, considering you've had 132 responses disagreeing with you perhaps you're entirely in the wrong, eh?

No one can help without knowing exactly what you said and the bk etc. My mum and I joke about her linking the dog and my bro best lol. Depends what you said.

I am a human and I make mistakes.

I say sorry to my kids now if I make a mistake. Why wouldn't I say sorry when they are older?

You may not have intended to hurt her - but you did and you cannot dismiss how she feels.

You need to decide if you want a relationship with your DD. Don;t ring her because you think you have to. Ring her because you love her and want her in your life and say sorry that you made a joke and had not realised the impact it had on her. Be genuine.

Or keep saying you have done nothing wrong and you'll lose her.

I stopped speaking to my Mum after a similar incident. After not speaking to her for a while, I discovered that my life was better without her in it. So many times I've been left upset or angry after phoning her, it was liberating to discover I didn't have to keep doing it.

If you want to have a relationship with your daughter and grandchild, then I suggest a big apology and a promise to make more effort. If you can't be bothered, then that's fine but accept that this is your choice and not be a victim about it.

I'm amazed how short-sighted you are being. Your daughter has spelt out exactly why she is hurt, but you are dismissing it as her overreacting and misunderstanding. You can't remember the incidents, but do they sound likely? You know, what with your kooky sense of humour.

And you won't apologise for what you don't remember, but you do remember the latest incident, but won't apologise for that either. That's amazing.

OP has gone and I'm sure won't respond again.

And it doesn't even appear she got the message despite the overwhelmingly YABVU views here.

Really hope this has given her pause for thought.

And very sad this doesn't appear to be a reverse

If this isn't a reverse, it sounds like the poor girl has had enough over the years and has finally been worn down by your hilarious jokes.

I joke with my dses about one of them being my favourite - it changes from day to day, depending on who has brought me chocolate or got something down for a high shelf without patting me patronisingly on the head.

Crucially, we all know it is a joke, and I love them all absolutely the same - and if one of them said that I had upset them, I would apologise immediately and would find another joke we could ALL enjoy.

I am truly shocked at the OP, just apologise to your dd, life is very short.

Another one with those phones that only accept calls, not make them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh for goodness sake just apologise! It doesn't matter if you meant It as a joke, your daughter didn't find it funny. She hasn't remotely overreacted, I'd be upset too if my mum told me she preferred my sister to me! Joke or not

If this isn't a reverse then you're being a total arsehole

My mother 'joked' I was adopted once. It was nearly 40 years ago but it still hurts.

I’m amazed at the responses here. I thought she would realise that she was over reacting and get over this misunderstanding.

I’m amazed you still think your daughter and the WHOLE of MN are wrong and you are right and that you still haven’t done anything wrong.

Yabvu

You've hurt your child & have not apologised. You've made it her fault. Sounds like you have issues you should address. You need to mean it when you apologise. Fact is you hurt her. If a child hurts someone accidentally they should still say sorry.

Do you believe the past incidents she's described even though you don't remember them? I can't imagine being that unaware of my dc's feelings. Hope you can progress from this

How can she be over-reacting when you haven't bothered to explain that it was intended as a joke?

Narc.