AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

I'm confused about this thread. Op did you just want it aknowldge as in class saying bye and may be a card or did you want a huge bug deal like school party etc as this thread suggests?

Nobody will be ‘damaged’ if the teacher doesn’t bother with a formal goodbye.

Fictional children can be very sensitive.

OP you seem to have forgotten that it is you withdrawing your children from this school, and moving away. The school hasn't rejected or refused you. If you really think it's so traumatic for your kids to be torn away from this wonderful school, then why are you removing them? It seems to me the school have accepted your decision and are carrying on as normal with their other, existing pupils - as any right minded person would expect. If you want a goodbye party for your children, maybe you could arrange and hold one? You could invite the teachers/staff as a thankyou too.

Dammit, late to the party

Agree with Stompy. Focusing on people leaving and not coming back just upsets some children.
And we spend a fair amount of time teaching them NOT to draw on each other’s shirts.
Surely much better to leave goodbyes for outside school, and stick to the routine.
Good luck with the move.

School where I hear readers:
Teacher: Henry has some special news to share with us today. Part of the news is a bit sad and part is very happy.
Henry: My Family is moving to xxxxx because my dad has a new job. The sad bit is I have to go to a new school and the happy bit is my new garden with a tree in it.
Teacher: We will miss Henry very much. Shall we all make a goodbye card for him and he can draw his new house and his tree to put on the wall.
I thought that was just right.

Nobody will give a shit after the first day. They’ll b well forgotten by the end of the week so why would they make a fuss?

Wow. I also think the OP is being a bit overdramatic, but this is a very unkind and rude thing to say.

It really is quite the night on MN!

If you want to have a leaving party for your DC and their friends it is up to you to arrange this outside school.

Bloody Norah. They're moving. They're not dead- I think you're overthinking it- talking about loss and insult. Kids move. Stay in touch if you want to with some of them. I think you're overthinking this. If you want a party- organise one before you go? If that's appropriate.

I do think it is nice for a teacher to mark the occasion of a child leaving by giving it a brief mention, maybe getting the class to sign a card but it could be the school are keeping it low key so the child's friends are less likely to feel unsettled and sad.

Sometimes bigging things up too much can make a child feel worse.

without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels?

I promise you there will be no damage done to anyone. It's three children moving from one school to another school. That's it. The end.

I have to say I feel for the OP.

Its normal in some pre-schools to spend time with the final year adapting the children for their transition to the next school which is lovely when its done right.

Maybe it wasn't done so well in this instance so I do feel for her.

hmm, ok, maybe OP is a bit overdramatic, but why would the school say no to her kids handing out sweets as a ay of saying good-bye? it seems unnecessary to refuse.

And how often do people on here complain about leaving a job and not being acknowledged? and usually people respond by saying that's not on! why would it be different for children?

My DCs often have long periods away form their school because of our travels, and everytime we leave it is acknowledged by the school, nothing extravagant, a card and yes, we give out sweets, why not? and we are not even leaving for good!

Our school is a small school but in a very transient area, so we have had a lot of kids leaving, often to go overseas, or go back overseas, it is always acknowledged, and my DCs have at times been sad and asked about their friends going, and with some we have kept in touch. Kids may be resilient, but they do have feelings!

My family moved a lot when I was a child and when i started secondary school it was my 7th school.

I think the teachers said bye to me at the end of my last day and that was it. Honestly I doubt they remembered my name after a couple of weeks and I cannot not remember theirs.

I cannot even remember my best friends name - and assume they cannot remember mine.

Insulted your family?

Are you in the Peaky Blinders?

I moved countries twice as a child. Kids who go to international schools are very resilient and tend to weather storms well. We said goodbye in the way we wanted to the people we wanted. No management needed from the school at all.

DD's friend left recently. We made him cupcakes. But the school wasn't involved.

I think it wasn’t a kind or caring remark to make oP.
I understand as I worked in several small schools 17 - 40 and my children went to one which was 38children. I work in a large school now. It depends on the teacher and sometimes the children as to how leavers are treated.
In my experience most children make and sign a card. In a small school it might be talked about in assembly.
To the poster that says “No one cares.”
That isn’t actually true. I asked some children if they had heard from two recently departed and we had quite a discussion about it. I care and I am sure some of the other staff do. The children certainly did. Another family went back to Germany and some of the children are still writing to them eight years later.

OP I hope the move goes well and your children settle in well.

Look forward to your new life instead.

Hopefully the new school will halt important maths and English lessons and hold a special assembly for your arrival.

The children will all stand as you and your family are lead in and seated in specially reserved seats at the front next to the Head Teacher. Each child will read out a short paragraph explaining why your arrival is important to them and how it will enrich their lives. There will be funds made available to bring in an Ed Pysch who will help the children adapt to having a new class mate, as some children will find it difficult to adapt. Afterwards there will be a coffee morning so you can be presented to the existing parents who will, at first. find it difficult to approach you, but others will want you to be a future chair of the PITA PTS. Each teacher.....OK I;m getting carried away now.

Do none of you have any friends you knew from primary school or have children who have/had significant friendships at their school?

Fuck no, who the hell would still be friends with someone with whom you happened to share a primary school with unless both of you were so stuck in FOG that you didn't move out of your home towns after finishing school?

TBF my DS still occasionally talks on social media to one of his classmates from when he was 14-16 but it's not something I encourage.

Teachers have got enough to do without pandering to your bloated sense of self importance. Nobody is stopping your children from telling their friends, you don't need teachers to get involved.

I have just remembered that I moved primary school in year 4.

I genuinely had forgotten that as it was such a small deal. I can't remember anyone from either school and certainly didn't get any kind of goodbye.

Some people on this thread are being real dicks. OP was just asking the head teacher - i.e. the expert here - if she could or should do anything to manage what will be quite a big event for her kids and their friends. She hasn’t asked the school to declare a day of mourning.

I expect the teachers will deal with it on an ad hoc basis, but it wasn’t a stupid question to ask the head. It was thoughtful. And tbh I think the head teacher should be reassuring people in OP’s position that they’ll be actively managing the transition.

*Fuck no, who the hell would still be friends with someone with whom you happened to share a primary school with unless both of you were so stuck in FOG that you didn't move out of your home towns after finishing school?

hmm, I have moved 8 times in the past 8 years and lived in three different continents, I still am friends with some people that were in primary school with me, they are lovely people and we have met in different parts of the world when the occasion arose, it is a special kind of friendship to have with somebody who has known you all your life, knows your history, has seen your kids grow up, what would be so strange about it?

There are some very odd responses on this thread, I understand that the OP's tone was maybe unfortunate but the replies are also quite unreasonable

The OP is well overdramatic, but I am equally amused by some of the people on this thread who seem to be positively proud of their inability to form lasting or memorable friendships at school or remember the names of classmates or teachers.