AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

Blimey I think you are overreacting a tad.

It's up to you to console your children and to protect them from whatever trauma this move will cause. The other children aren't your concern.

As I keep saying I am not looking for a fuss or a party... just a normal class mention that the kids are going, and an opportunity to acknowledge that and for whatever that means or doesn’t mean to them.
It’s not an ego thing. It’s not just about my family (as I’ve said) just a school modelling decent respectful behaviour.
Nobody is gonna get traumatised... I never used that word. But not being open, upfront and real with kids is ultimately damaging...as with most human beings we like to be kept in the picture.

It’ll be exciting for all the kids to have new class mates.

I didn’t realise there were so many trolls on here!
Thank you again for those who have responded appropriately and especially shared your experience.

My first ever:

This is a much bigger deal for your family than it will be for their classmates. I would expect their class teachers to maybe make a brief comment about it being so-and-so's last day at home time, but that's about it.

Expecting the school to have some kind of formal process, or the rest of the class to need particular support or guidance seems very ott to me. It would never have occurred to me to involve the headteacher.

I imagine should any of the kids get upset, the teachers would talk to them about change and moving on though. I can see why they wouldn't want to make a big deal out of it as it's a bit like telling the children how they should feel, rather than letting them respond naturally.

I would focus on helping guide your children with making new friends, but also getting them to think about if there is anyone in particular they would like to keep in touch with and how they might go about this, writing letters, e-mails etc. A girl I was quite friendly with but not especially close to in Primary school moved to a different city for her dad's work. I was touched that she made a real effort to write to me regularly and we became quite close for a number of years as I was the only one from school to keep in regular contact with her. I did miss seeing her as often to an extent, but the move was clearly more emotionally difficult for her than me.

Insulted your family? Give over, that sounds so self-important.

Q

Hahaha this is bonkers

But OP surely your children have told their school friends and classmates that they are moving so leaving the school?

So they will all be prepared and ready to say goodbye, won't they!
It's not as if your children are going to disappear out of the blue is it!

Children moving and changing schools is not a "traumatic" event for those left behind.

I really cannot understand why you think this is such a big deal, and to claim you are "insulted" is frankly ridiculous.

Could it not be considered a breach of confidentiality? As many parents that might want others to know others might scream bloody murder.

I’m getting the impression a lot of people don’t actually have a very high regard for children in general here. The ‘it didn’t do me any harm’ attitude never helped anyone.

I didn’t change anything from my OP... it’s being misread. I provided more detail further down in my asking was their a process and examples of what kind of thing I was thinking (normal stuff and not necessarily using class time).

I’m surprised how shocking some find this post!

It's highly likely that the teachers concerned will acknowledge them leaving on some way. There may be a card, perhaps, or certainly a farewell at the end of the last day.
Would that not tick the boxes you've mentioned? Or were you hoping for more?
And are you saying that when you asked if it would be OK for your kids to bring in some sweets/something small on their last day, they specifically said no?

OP you don't appear to have answered this question

Have your children told their friends and classmates that they are leaving the school?

On the contrary, I think a lot of posters have a much higher regard for children and their resilience than you do OP.

I didn’t realise there were so many trolls on here!

I don’t think you have the foggiest idea what a troll is OP. Is it nice there on whatever planet it is you live on?

You are making a way too big of a deal of this. In some schools kids come and go frequently. Presumably this is one of those schools and they got tired of the fuss. The kids certainly won’t notice unless one of your children is their best friend of the moment.

I don't think it is the responsibility of the school to manage this in a whole class way. It is your business to announce to others that you are leaving and I think throwing party yourself is a good idea.

If a particular friend of your dc was upset after you left then yes school should manage that child and help them make new friends etc but you won't know if that happens unless you're in touch with that family and then you'd be aware of how they helped their child. The majority of the class won't be bothered though and will just move on and that is real life. It happens to all of us in work, neighbours even friends and you don't always know why, when etc especially if people have difficult circumstances. That is a better life lesson.

Some friends of my dc just left the village recently, no goodbye, no acknowledgment. I think there had been problems, but I don't know exactly what. My dc have missed them and still talk about them occasionally but I just have to say people move on for lots of reasons and we can't always know why.

School psych talks to parents, friends group of the kids and coordinates with form teacher to have a little ‘ceremony’ in the class on the last day. Usually there’s an art project of some sort with everyone writing something and drawing. Photos are taken. Mention in the school & parish newsletters.

Seriously NitPick ???
Once in over 30 years have the Ed Psychs offered to come in and support dc in schools I've taught in - that was when one of our pupils died in a house fire and some of the pupils saw the fire engines / ambulances and aftermath in the morning, and lost their classmate who died in a fire, with some of her siblings.
I can't seriously believe that any authority has so many spare EPs at it's disposal that it would in any way become involved in children / families moving on with their lives in a normal way.

Nobody will be ‘damaged’ if the teacher doesn’t bother with a formal goodbye.

lying limply consumed in our grief, declared it a day of mourning
🤣

Op if school won't do anything, have you thought about a street party or maybe a Red Arrows flypast? 😆

The comments aren't mean, OP, just a reality check. take someone out of the environment in which you've met them, and frequently the gap is quickly filled. Your kids and you will miss the school more than the school will miss you. You should be managing your DCs' friendships outside the classroom, not letting the school take that over.

One of my DC seems to have a habit of making friends with the more exotic members of the class, and over primary and secondary has lost friends to Sri Lanka, Switzerland, the US, South Korea and India. He's still in contact with the friend from Switzerland, due to efforts on the part of the parents. We were able to exchange contact details and keep in touch.

The US family was a little more distant and not so close a friendship for us. They hired the local swimming pool and arranged a picnic and swimming for anyone from the school who wanted to attend. I don't think any teachers went along.

Lol damaging 😂😂😂😂

Surely your dcs teacher will have them up front class on the last day, say farewell and give them a card?

It's a but mean not to do/say anything.

Oh please.
The class in general will be vaguely sad for a day and get over it. It's not a mass trauma - it's a much bigger deal to your family than to anyone else. And it is sensible for your children to tell others, if they choose. Some kids wouldnt want to talk about it in class, some may not know that they are moving (might only be told just before by parents).
If you want to help the class through this huge, earth shattering, life altering trauma, go hold a class party or something. Don't think you can add to the staff workload willy nilly.

I didn’t realise there were so many trolls on here!

We do get a lot of trolls on MN, but they are easy to spot. Allow me to help. Typically they:

• Are brand new posters (like you OP).
• Use an attention grabbing title.
• Write an OP which will either divide opinion or is so ridiculous that everyone will argue with them.
• Use hyperbolic language.
• Often stay on the thread to argue with people, enjoying winding up those who bite.

It amazes me that so many people seem unable to spot the more obvious trolls, but if you compare them to this list I think it becomes pretty clear when someone is just on a wind up.

I don’t think you have the foggiest idea what a troll is OP.

Ah, the irony.