AIBU to feel school has insulted my family

[DazeinDays]

I have 3 DC and we are soon to move home, and for them to move school.

We have loved the small village school that they all attend. We have been there for 6 years now, and it feels a big shift for us to leave.
I emailed the headteacher and class teachers to ask about what the process was on coming to an end, and anything we could prepare etc. I had an email back from one of the teachers, saying that they ‘didnt normally do or say anything when children left’ and it was ‘up to the children if they told their friends’.

I feel so upset by this, because surely for a child to vanish from class (very small classes too) without teachers guiding and supporting the class on how they cope with endings and change, is going to be damaging to all, on various levels? To me it is an important lesson in life, to learn about endings and adapting to new beginnings and given permission to feel sad, experience loss, etc. Why would school try and brush this under the carpet? And it feels like the time my kids have spent at the school is devalued in the teachers acting like it doesn’t matter at all that they are leaving.

What are other people’s experiences of leaving mid way through term and how that is managed? AIBU?

And yes I think shirt signing and sweets is perfectly acceptable. It's what they do when they leave together to go to secondary together - so why not when they are leaving to go elsewhere?

When two of mine left school to go to another one they got a lovely card.

About three months later they got another one saying they hoped they had settled in well etc. It was a lovely card with messages from their classes.

I really appreciated it but never expected anything.

With all due respect, it might seem a big deal to your kids but it's not to anyone else.

I'm a teacher and if it was my class we would give you a happy new beginnings card, signed by the class.

I'm just wondering, for those who are really taking the piss out of the OP. If you'd been working with a company for 6 years and left for whatever reason, and nobody acknowledged you were going until 5 minutes before your clocking off time on the Friday - how many of you would be on MN quite upset that nobody did much to see you off, and how many of the replies would be in agreement with you - that it was a bit shit that people didn't get you a card, or do anything to say goodbye?

People don't have a high regard for children? Yeah, that will be it! Everyone here on this parenting forum have zero regard for children
You might find (after your children have become so stressed they can't function), that the general attitude towards children leaving school is the healthy one. You're setting yours up for a fall.
There've been posts here about child loss in tragic circumstances but rather than use that a a reality check and acknowledge it, you've completely ignored those posters and posted more nonsense. You are disrespecting and insulting.

But some workplaces have policies that it happens exactly like that.

I worked somewhere where once you went to hand in your notice you were escorted off the premises. And paid your notice but you weren’t back on site.

And the kids can tell their friends, surely? It’s just that the op wants all the other children prepared for the great loss, and a whole who ha made of her kids leaving because all the other children will be devastated and the school have insukted her family.

That is ridiculous. Over inflated idea of their own importance springs to mind.

Apologies for typos, you get the gist. I haven't had my coffee!

My child's best friend left before the summer holidays cried for about a week....now they could not give a toss...sorry but children move on very quickly.

How odd.

We usually say today is so and so's last day and present them with a card signed by the whole class. That's it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Wow .just wow..entitled much

Plenty of children have come and gone from DS and DD class. Most give out sweets at the end and close friends usually give out things as well. None of them that have left have been close friends though

Until now - one of DD closest friends is leaving (Yr 5). She talks about it to DD, they will make plans to keep in contact and we will give her a leaving present. DD knows because her friend tells her and I am helping her through it not the school. Mainly by explaining its life that people come and go from and you move on.

OP - have your DC’s told their friends they are leaving? I don’t think anymore than that needs to happen and everyone can say goodbye to each other although children are fickle and move on quickly with their lifes. You are making too big an issue of this which is not helpful to anyone.

OP you need to take long hard look in the mirror.
You came on to ask AIBU.

Any (many) who disagreed with you are all 'trolls'.
Those who sympathised with you (but still not necessarily agreed) have 'answered reasonably'.

Is it my way or the highway in real life too?

My DH was in the ARMY when our kids were in school. The kids moved schools a lot - I'm sure that nothing in particular happened to mark the occasion. I think you're expecting a lot of the school - take a cold shower and move on.

I'm just wondering, for those who are really taking the piss out of the OP. If you'd been working with a company for 6 years and left for whatever reason, and nobody acknowledged you were going until 5 minutes before your clocking off time on the Friday - how many of you would be on MN quite upset that nobody did much to see you off, and how many of the replies would be in agreement with you - that it was a bit shit that people didn't get you a card, or do anything to say goodbye?

To be fair, zero chance of that happening for the OP, because she'd've been knocking on her boss's door a couple of weeks prior, asking what sort of fuss was going to be made of her.

Really OP ? As a 56 yr old with 3 children of 24, 21 &16 - I have been a school-age parent for the last 20yrs.

If my children were subject to some kind of 'do' - be that an assembly or shirt signing shenanigans for EVERY child from EVERY class they have ever been in (42 classes) I doubt they would have had much time for much else.

I can honestly say - as someone who also lives in a small rural area , village schools etc - that it is just part of life . The very best thing you can do is just stop making an issue of something that isn't and hasn't ever been an issue.

If they leave and miss school friends - then stay in touch. Communication in this day and age cannot be easier. There's social media for older children and FaceTime/ Skype for younger - with a huge number of alternatives in between.

The reality is - really close friends will stay in touch whilst 90% will forget you and your family a week after you have gone. As will you forget them. That's the best lesson to teach... move on !

Topsy and Tim's mum, is that you?

As a teacher, I would say " It's XXXX last day today- Hope it goes well- good luck! Say Hello if you see us around, I'm sure you'll keep in touch with your friends who can tell us what you're up to"

Remember as a teacher, we are trying to keep it normal and not spark hysteria and crying when the kids might be fine about it. It's only moving school, a fairly normal thing

Tbh OP I think things like this are better kept low key. Sometimes if you make a huge fuss out of something it will be a huge deal for DC. If you keep it a little more casual and no big deal I think they are less likely to be upset than if everyone is making a huge deal about something that happens regularly and will continue to happen through life in general.
Not making a fuss is also teaching them social skills, independence and good ways to handle emotions.
You could always get a card for the teacher/classroom if you want to put a mark to their leave.

Elfinablender just had to say you made me belly-laugh with the Marlon Brando comment - just the image of it!
OP I’m sure the school will encourage the classmates to make a farewell card and they probably just meant that a “process” isn’t applied in this instance. Teachers have transitional processes in place when children naturally move on from nursery to school, school to secondary school etc but with one family moving on I would think they assume that friends of the children moving would have a private farewell and discussion organised by the parents. If they observed that children where upset, only then would they become involved. I don’t think they have to be that proactive about it and it could actually be counterproductive if they went on about it.

When we were considering moving to another area, we gave the school the heads up. A friend who worked in the school told me that there was a bold message in the staff room stating, 'The Shoulhaves are leaving!!!'

We did not move in the end and the school had to put up with the little Shouldhaves for another two years!

I'm a teacher.

OP you are being ridiculous.

I think you've lost the plot OP

I think there is also good reason you can't do something big as a teacher, a kid could be devasted to leave, and it would make it worse, they could be shy, and hate it, they could be the one with few friends and it could embarrass them, they could have dditional needs and not cope well with it, and you can't do for one and not others, it will be done for them.

I think where people are reacting to the ops post is the words she's used, indicating that she thinks the other children will all feel loss, they will need support, that her kids leaving will be a major traumatic event for everyone, which is a bit much really.