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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to retire

140 replies

SaucySpider · 14/11/2018 18:55

Don't get me wrong, I love DH dearly and enjoy spending time with him now the children have moved out. However he is currently semi retired (working 5 half days a week) but wants to completely retire so he can 'spend even more time with me'. Lovely sentiment that it is I'm not sure I am ready to have him at home full time yet. We are only in our late fifties. Am I being really selfish?

OP posts:
TacoLover · 14/11/2018 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thehop · 14/11/2018 18:59

Do you work OP?

Caselgarcia · 14/11/2018 19:00

You're not sure you are ready to have him home full time yet? Is it not his home too?

Glossymare · 14/11/2018 19:00

You sound lovely Hmm

fromnowhere · 14/11/2018 19:00

tacolover lot of assumptions you've made there Hmm

PotteryGirl · 14/11/2018 19:00

My husband will be working right up to and maybe beyond 65. That makes me feel sad..You're very, very lucky. Embrace it.

paintinmyhairAgain · 14/11/2018 19:01

have you been a sahm ? if so you are used to your routine and dh might disrupt that, but it would it be possible for him to cut hisdays down to maybe three so he has a sense of purpose? many men retire and find themselves lost afterwards once the novelty wears off.
does he have a hobby he could indulge or take up something new to do ? perhaps you could do something together, but i agree it would be very difficult under each others feet all the time. as much as i love dh i don't relish spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week together when he retires, it would be suffocating imo.

PotteryGirl · 14/11/2018 19:01

Taco...you went in a bit hard there..🤔.

Trills · 14/11/2018 19:02

You could get a job. then you wouldn't be around him all the time?

BonnieF · 14/11/2018 19:02

Get a job and out to work yourself, then.

Problem solved.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/11/2018 19:03

Do you have a job?

ApolloandDaphne · 14/11/2018 19:03

Saucy I get where you are coming from! I took early retirement 2 years ago and am mid 50's. DH is still working full time but is desperate to work less. He won't retire fully but take some non-exec positions meaning he will be home a LOT more. On the one hand it will be nice to have him around more, but on the other hand i am used to having the house to myself all day, doing what i want, when i want. He doesn't need to know that i sometimes curl up in bed during the afternoon and play games on my iPad!

paintinmyhairAgain · 14/11/2018 19:04

taco classy response, op knows it's his home but it's a big adjustment to both parties, it's not easy, op may come across as a bit selfish, but i think she's more worried about too much time together, everyone needs their space.

Trills · 14/11/2018 19:04

I wouldn't want to be around my partner all day every day either, but you don't get to decide that the house is yours and he has to go elsewhere.

nokidshere · 14/11/2018 19:05

I hear you!

DH is retiring in December and I'm fully expecting "teething problems". We still have a 17yr old at home and I work 3 hours 4 days (at home) so we won't be completely alone until sept 19. However, we have been together for 37 yrs and married for 31 of them and we have never spent 24/7 together for any length of time apart from the annual holiday.

I'm busy making plans for us. Work on the house that we can both do, time away individually, and things that he can do alone. But it will be a huge adjustment.

He is really looking forward to it after 58yrs of working and, whilst I am happy that he will be around more, I think our differences will be highlighted at least in the beginning.

Patience and space will be paramount in the beginning I think

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/11/2018 19:05

On the whole I’m with taco. But we need more details.

mrsmuddlepies · 14/11/2018 19:05

What about you volunteering and making an effort to do some classes so you can be out of the home (giving him some space) and allowing him a chance to enjoy retirement in his home.

BlueJava · 14/11/2018 19:06

You're really fortunate if you can both give up work in your late 50s. Why not enjoy it? I assume he, or you, or both of you have worked very hard in the past... why not take the rest that has been earned. I would be delighted if my OH and I could be at home.

Candlelights2345 · 14/11/2018 19:07

Are you in the home full time, or do you work?
If you are in the home full time it’s a bit rich to not want your DH to do the same!!

WitchesHatRim · 14/11/2018 19:08

YABU. How about you go out to work?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/11/2018 19:08

How old is he? I kind of get you OP tbf. I love my husband too.

PumpkinPie2016 · 14/11/2018 19:08

I think you are being a bit unreasonable (unless you are married to Victor Meldrew!)

However, I can see that it would be a big adjustment for you both and I can see why that might worry you.

I think the trick would be to build a new routine together rather than you trying to stick to your old one and your DH trying to do his own new routine alongside.

Come up with some things you could both do and some things you can do separately as well.

FWIWy aunty and her partner retired last year and they are both busier than ever - jointly and individually!

TidyDancer · 14/11/2018 19:09

Do you work? This is an important detail. You can't expect him to continue working if you don't.

Iloveacurry · 14/11/2018 19:09

Do you work still?

SerenDippitty · 14/11/2018 19:10

My DH is semi retired and I’m hoping to take voluntary early severance next year (I’m 57). DH says he will retire fully when I quit, except for some freelance work, and I’m looking forward to us being together more. Mind you we have no DC so it’s only ever been the two of us.