Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby seeing husband naked AIBU?

278 replies

Supertiredmummy · 13/11/2018 22:01

My baby has just started walking and is running about already.
So today they ran into the bathroom whilst my husband was out the shower drying off and toweling his hair. He freaked out send told me to take her away. Initially I thought it was because she had scared him (ie. Not realising she was there nearly stepping on her ) by turns out it was purely because he was naked. I laughed this off explaining she had seen me naked plenty (hell Im still breast-feeding ) but he got very serious and doesn't feel comfortable about it.
AIBU to think this is strange? And trying to get him comfortable considering she might do this lots in the years to come?
X

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 14/11/2018 08:13

It does not seem remotely strange to me. I find the comments that there must be something wrong with him far stranger.

homeishere · 14/11/2018 08:17

Um... I’d just like to say that I when I said he might have been having a wank I wasn’t accusing him of being a pervert. Plenty of men wank and the bathroom is a fairly obvious place and time to do it.

Just explaining why he might have been a bit touchy about DD wondering in. Especially as this must be a little out of the norm for the OP to post on AIBU. If it happens in other scenarios (naked and getting dressed in the bedroom, changing when going swimming etc) and he only has an issue when he’s showering at home, then the most likely explanation is he’s using that time to have a wank.

TheRenegadeMaster · 14/11/2018 08:22

I will be like this. I was raised in a family where privacy was ripe and we weren't overly loving. Although I wish we were kissy and cuddly like most families are, we just weren't. Now I'm kind of programmed to be uncomfortable in those situations. Unfortunately even kissing kids/babies on lips tends to make my spine shiver Sad I don't think of the 'sexual' side to it, because obviously there are kids involved and kids aren't sexual beings - I think for me it's more the element of not being comfortable with anyone apart from my OH seeing my private bits. It's just how I am, everyone has different comfort zones.

Monestasi · 14/11/2018 08:24

It does not seem remotely strange to me. I find the comments that there must be something wrong with him far stranger

This.

It's very narrow minded to be using comments like 'he has issues', because he doesn't want his baby to see him naked. IME this is entirely cultural and dependant on upbringing. In general, Northern Europeans are more relaxed about nakedness. Just because someone doesn't want their children seeing them naked, it does not make them strange.

Charmlight · 14/11/2018 08:25

Better that way than waving it in her face IMO. Leave be.

FrumpyTrumpy · 14/11/2018 08:28

Well I'd love my son not to see me naked because that would mean I could wee or shower alone

Well exactly, funny how few women get to make this choice.

As for "his body his choice" he's not consenting to sex he's in front of a baby who isn't fucking looking.

FrumpyTrumpy · 14/11/2018 08:31

I will be like this

You have no way of knowing until you're in the situation but other people's children are nothign like your own.

More likely the child will emerge from your naked vagina and laid on your naked chest. Bearing in mind they will basically be a 7 pound visually impaired ham you aren't going to be worried about them looking at you naked. And from there on it's just what you're used to.

Sirzy · 14/11/2018 08:33

I always took efforts to make sure when I showered or went to the toilet I went alone. I don’t think someone wanting privacy is wrong.

As long as your not teaching a child to be embarrassed by their body then there is nothing wrong with someone respecting their own privacy and indeed it’s a good message to give children surely?

ListenLinda · 14/11/2018 08:33

My husband doesn’t like it either, whenever he is getting dressed or a shower he doesnt like DD to be roaming around. I guess it could be a male thing? As I don’t mind she usually roaming around when i’m getting ready in a morning.

FrumpyTrumpy · 14/11/2018 08:36

" will be like this"

If you genuinely think you will find it shiver inducing to physically affectionate with your own children why would you plan to have them? No one is obliged to have kids

toomuchtooold · 14/11/2018 08:38

Well I'd love my son not to see me naked because that would mean I could wee or shower alone

Yeah that's what I was thinking. It must be nice to be in a position to still have delicate feelings about things like this when you're a parent of a small child. Wish I'd known, when my kids were little I'd also have made known my feelings about snottery tissues and pieces of half eaten mandarin Envy (not envy) and also going to the park at 8.30 am and would've swerved all of that Grin

CrookedMe · 14/11/2018 08:40

"As for "his body his choice" he's not consenting to sex he's in front of a baby who isn't fucking looking."

So what? He's not comfortable with it. End of.

SleepySofa · 14/11/2018 08:45

That is odd. DP and I walk around naked in front of DS who is about to turn 4, and always have done. Though maybe it'll be time for us to stop soon.

MyBrexitIsIll · 14/11/2018 08:48

He is way iver reacting because he is basically saying he is treating her as if she was a sexual being, from the opposite sex.
As this toddler is what?about 1 year old, this is a totally inappropriate way of reacting.

As for his body his choice... well he gave that up when he became a father. Just like mothers do. Sorry.
Unless you’re ubare saying that mothers have to give up a lot, and deal with all,the crap incl been seen by your ur dcs naked, like it or not but somehow fathers don’t....

recraft · 14/11/2018 08:48

This reminds me of the recent thread about posters saying they don't understand someone else's point of view, when what they really mean is that their own opinion is the correct one.

His choices about nudity are his to make.

Sirzy · 14/11/2018 08:50

ExCtly re.

I missed the memo which made being naked around your child compulsory!

SuperstarDJ · 14/11/2018 08:52

He is way iver reacting because he is basically saying he is treating her as if she was a sexual being, from the opposite sex

At what point did the OP say that her DP views his child as a sexual being? He’s not comfortable being naked so he’s treating his toddler as a sexual being?? What a leap to make HmmConfused I wouldn’t be comfortable being naked in front of a lot of people and it’s certainly not because of sexual reasons.

MyBrexitIsIll · 14/11/2018 08:53

Just because someone doesn't want their children seeing them naked, it does not make them strange.

Except that’s you need to take PRACTICALITIES into account.
Somehow most mothers learn to go to the loo with a toddler or baby with them. They learn to have their shower disturbed or have to rush naked to solve xx problem that happened whilst they were having their short shower.
It’s not always a choice. Hence why so many parents then ensure that, once their dcs are older, they never seen them naked again.

Which then brings me to another question?
Why wouod it be ok for a father to never be seen naked ‘because he doesn’t like it’ but a other has no choice?
Why is it that he hasn’t learnt that sometimes there is no choice and your toddler will have to see you naked? (I probably have the answer to that one. As the OP is still breastfeeding, he probably has never been left in his own with the Abby for long periods of time here issues such as ‘I can’t even pee in peace’ actually happened)

Sirzy · 14/11/2018 08:57

I am a mother. I made the choice not to let ds see me naked if I could (and 99% of the time I could)

Some parents make the choice to let their child see them naked.

Both are perfectly acceptable choices and some of the judgments from people who think because they are fine with nakedness everyone should be are down right nasty!

CrookedMe · 14/11/2018 08:59

Practicalities are one thing; the toddler wandering in while he has a wee.

But if he isn't comfortable being a naked parent then he doesn't have to be, I am baffled by the people arguing otherwise.

And to suggest that people who aren't comfortable naked around their children shouldn't become parents...fucking hell.

Spiderdemon · 14/11/2018 09:05

7 pound visually impaired ham

much lol Frumpy

Threewheeler1 · 14/11/2018 09:13

FrumpyTrumpy

"Bearing in mind they will basically be a 7 pound visually impaired ham..."

I can't thank you enough for this, it's an absolute gem.
Best description of a newborn I've ever heard.
I'll be laughing all day Grin

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 14/11/2018 09:18

I do find it irrational to worry about a tiny baby seeing you naked (more understandable for an older child) but I don't think it indicates anything sinister. Just an anxiety that is more likely to affect men than women.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 14/11/2018 09:21

We have always been naked around our son who is nearly 5 now,getting changed,lying in bed etc.dh may have felt differently if he was a girl I don't know we've never thought about it. It's just normal to us we are family.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/11/2018 09:25

As for "his body his choice" he's not consenting to sex he's in front of a baby who isn't fucking looking
And? Unless his choice is putting her in danger he still has a right to lock the door or put underwear on before going in to her. DH isn't overly bothered but he's more likely to lock the door or put on pants before going in to DS. I'm happy to wander round naked.

He is way iver reacting because he is basically saying he is treating her as if she was a sexual being, from the opposite sex.
As this toddler is what?about 1 year old, this is a totally inappropriate way of reacting
I don't want to be naked in front of my father, I'm 36. Is it because I see him as a sexual being of the opposite sex? Oh god am I Ophelia???? Or is he? I never actually studied the play. Actually dint wanna be naked in front of my mum either... Or the vicar. Or DS's teacher. So many SECUAL BEINGS What's wrong with me???