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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby seeing husband naked AIBU?

278 replies

Supertiredmummy · 13/11/2018 22:01

My baby has just started walking and is running about already.
So today they ran into the bathroom whilst my husband was out the shower drying off and toweling his hair. He freaked out send told me to take her away. Initially I thought it was because she had scared him (ie. Not realising she was there nearly stepping on her ) by turns out it was purely because he was naked. I laughed this off explaining she had seen me naked plenty (hell Im still breast-feeding ) but he got very serious and doesn't feel comfortable about it.
AIBU to think this is strange? And trying to get him comfortable considering she might do this lots in the years to come?
X

OP posts:
recraft · 14/11/2018 11:08

MicroManaged, she's just copying what she's seen you do I reckon.

Steakandkidney · 14/11/2018 11:13

my 16 yr old DS still sees me naked. I don't walk about naked (much) but bath with the door open and he never knocks when coming into my room
My DS would be incredibly uncomfortable with that but it's down to the child. I think all children should be taught to knock though. Likewise I wouldn't walk in on them without knocking, that's just basic respect of privacy, and something which needs to be learned.

Original poster
Supertiredmummy · 14/11/2018 11:15

Thank you for all the replies some of them are interesting to read, some are funny and some jump to crazy conclusion s! I do find it a little unfair that he hasn't spent full days alone with her so he hasn't had to deal with going to the toilet , having to get changed erc. With her around as he can't put her in any room in the house on her own safely (ie. Shes trying to climb to, one look away and she's fallen off the sofa days!)
I think I was mainly concerned with a fact of how he was shouting for me to get her away . Before the baby he was absolutely fine with nudit,y he grew up with nudity around him, and he's very confident. But he reacted like he was scared of her, facing into the wardrobe etc. I think it just made me wonder if I reacted badly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Supertiredmummy · 14/11/2018 11:17

P.s she's 13 months old, she doesn't understand anything body wise apart from laughing at belly buttons

OP posts:
Steakandkidney · 14/11/2018 11:19

The thing is though it's very different for women. Our bodies are fully involved in babies being born, fed. We push them out onto our skin.
The only thing a man's body has to do with a baby is creating it through having sex. Therefore he isn't going to see his nakedness as natural in the same way as yours is, and that's the way I see it too.

BruegeITheElder · 14/11/2018 11:19

His reaction is a much bigger problem than his not wanting to be seen naked. She will definitely notice and be affected by that.

worridmum · 14/11/2018 11:25

You do know if a child says they saw their dads dangly bits in a nursery / school setting its a safe guarding matter right? And SS are normally informed. So if he is a teacher he has to be doubly careful. (yes i know the baby is too young to be talking but it should be a concern and something to watch out for when they reach toddler / speaking age).

TimeToRevolutionize · 14/11/2018 11:29

I get changed in front of my 2 year old DS! Got no choice anyway because he follows me every where! He will even sit and watch me shit if he could (I don't let it go that far lol). My DH doesn't, he'd rather do it privately.

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/11/2018 11:32

You do know if a child says they saw their dads dangly bits in a nursery / school setting its a safe guarding matter right?

Are you having a laugh? Pretty certain our ds has embarrassingly commented with unerring regularity, in multiple settings, on our wobbly bits. Never had a call from ss, never been raised as a safeguarding issue, by anyone. I'm fairly sure this comment is bollocks.

BruegeITheElder · 14/11/2018 11:32

You do know if a child says they saw their dads dangly bits in a nursery / school setting its a safe guarding matter right? And SS are normally informed

So what is the answer to that? Since most nursery/young school kids probably see their dads' "dangly bits" fairly regularly.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/11/2018 11:32

I never saw my parents naked and have only sisters, went to an all girls school. Funnily enough the male body wasn't that mystifying and when first boyfriend first took of his underwear I didn't scream and point. It's possibly to have a balance between not seeing your parents naked and being confused how men and women differ

00100001 · 14/11/2018 11:38

net time he can lock the door... if he doesn't want to be naked round his child, he needs to prevent that happening.

worridmum · 14/11/2018 11:39

I am saying from personal experience my youngest went into nursery and she said to a nursery worker what was my daddies bits that flop about (gah it was 8 years ago i cannot remember the exact wording but it was along those lines).

Anyway SS were informed and had to go into a stupid meeting about nothing (DD went into the bathroom when DH was having a shower).

So no i was not having a laugh it was bloody stressful and poor DH was being treated like a potential pedophile (we dont have locks on the bathroom doors simply because we have young children that like showering / bathing semi independently so we can get access instantly if needed).

diddl · 14/11/2018 11:41

"You do know if a child says they saw their dads dangly bits in a nursery / school setting its a safe guarding matter right? And SS are normally informed"

Oh good grief I hope not!

Surely it's about context anyway?

worridmum · 14/11/2018 11:42

Maybe it is dependent on nursery staff and their digression but i have seen safeguarding policies that state if children mention seeing parents genitals as potential safeguarding issue.

JudasPrudy · 14/11/2018 11:48

Some of these comments! He doesn't want to subject his DD to the sight of his cock and balls and I think that's probably all there is to it. Pity more men wouldn't consider if people want to see their penis or not (hint if any men are reading: no one does unless they specifically ask)

HoppingPavlova · 14/11/2018 11:49

My kids never got to the phase of being embarrassed seeing us naked or having us see them naked. Given they are now young adults and older teens I don’t think it will ever occur.

We all do the nudie walk from bathroom to bedroom to get changed (no one can be bothered taking a towel as then you need to stuff around with a wet towel in your bedroom and walk it back to the bathroom when done). The only time this doesn’t occur is when we gave guests which is a real pain in the arse. As no one is used to taking clothes to the bathroom with them, invariably there will always be someone yelling out from the bathroom asking if someone can go get them some clothes Grin. Weirdly, everyone except DH is fine doing the nudie walk if my mum is staying even young adult male but no one would think of doing it when in-laws stay. I’ve asked kids why and they say they don’t know, it’s just the way it is.

PasswordRejection · 14/11/2018 11:49

worridmum that is absolutely not true. SS would not care less about people being naked in front of their kids. That alone is not a safeguarding issue.

And are we assuming that it's ok for boys to see their Dads naked and girls to see their mums naked but not vice versa? What happens when you take your children swimming? Do you leave your toddler outside the changing room while you get dressed?

British culture can be so Victorian sometimes. Let's all cover up in front of our kids and then the first naked person they see can be some pornstar they find on YouTube Hmm

icouldwriteabook · 14/11/2018 11:50

the kids have seen me and DP with nothing on countless times! and they have just started school... everyone's different but they came from your body and were created by you, so seeing you naked is just natural surely?
I would have a chat with him about his views, is he one of those that wont have a wee in front of you?
his choice but weird, just tell him to get a lock on the bathroom.

HoppingPavlova · 14/11/2018 11:52

Forgot to add no one EVER shuts toilet door in our house either unless there are guests over. When the kids were young they would always bang in a shut toilet door and carry on so we found it easier to just leave it open, we actually had more peace on the loo that way. It’s a habit that remained. Same as bathroom door when in shower. Everyone is free to shut the toilet and bathroom doors but no one ever does (unless guests).

Aridane · 14/11/2018 11:52

A polite fuck off to posters suggesting DH has paedophilic tendencies

FantasticHarryPotter · 14/11/2018 11:54

I personally have no problems with my DC seeing me naked and neither does DH although he won't wander around naked if our eldest comes into the toilet whilst he's drying himself/getting in the shower it happens.

I don't think it's wrong or strange as such to not want your child see you makes. However, I don't think it's right to impose that view on your child.

worridmum · 14/11/2018 11:54

It is true we had a SS meeting (yes they came back with no concerns at all but we had to go to a bloody meeting about it. Maybe the nursery emblessed the report or something but we were told DD said roughly what i said and we were dragged into a meeting with a SS official ).

I agree the meeting was a waste of our time and SS time but i am telling you it did happen.

BruegeITheElder · 14/11/2018 11:55

We all do the nudie walk from bathroom to bedroom to get changed no one can be bothered taking a towel

Don't you end up dripping water all over the house?

A polite fuck off to posters suggesting DH has paedophilic tendencies

Who did?

NRPDad · 14/11/2018 11:56

It's an odd area for a man.

Some will be comfortable. Some not. Especially once child is old enough to tell other people - your daughter might go to nursery and say she sees daddy's willy at home.

I have a 3 year old and I'm not sure what to do when I take him swimming and have to get changed in front of him or if we're out somewhere and we both need a wee and so share a cubicle (I help him with sitting down and not falling into the toilet). I currently give him my phone with Fireman Sam on to distract him when its my turn to wee or change. I don't want him telling his mum or nursery about seeing daddy's willy - although personally I don't think its a big deal.

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