CF tightarsedness

[BorisAndDoris]

Inspired by another thread, I'd love to hear your experiences of CFers being tight arses, never putting their greedy paws in their own pockets.

Mine was an ex when I was a youngster. Maybe 16? 17? I was financially independent (okay, skint on min wage but paid my way) and rented my own place.
CFBF and I were in the early stages of dating (maybe 1 or 2 months in).
I was running errands one day and needed to pick a few things up from the supermarket. He tagged along.

I went round the supermarket and he kept chucking items into the trolley. Fine with me, no point in 2 trolleys.
He put his stuff on the conveyor (sans divider!) whilst I was packing mine. I didn't notice until he said he needed to pop to the loo. He left me to pay for everything.! I was mortified and hadn't grown the lady balls yet to stand up for myself well. I paid and asked him for the money when he got back. He told me he forgot his wallet and would give it to me when he came next time. He didn't.

In fact the next time he showed up I was leaving for the cinema with my best friend. We told CFBF we already had plans. My Best friend was paying because it was his turn and I was skint (thanks to CFBF's shopping which he forgot to bring his money for again!)
I locked up the house and we all walked to the bus together. CFBF got on too as it was also his bus.

We got off in town. CFBF got off with us. Okaaaay...
We got to the cinema. CFBF still with us.
I asked if he was heading home and he said no, I'll come with you! Hmm.. whatever, I couldn't really stop him.

He walked in just ahead of us. The desk clerk had the tickets printed when we got there and best friend paid. It wasn't until we were at the concessions counter he realised he'd paid for three, not two. CFBF has asked for three tickets and not paid his one. It was so awkward that best friend couldn't bring himself to actually say anything.
I stopped answering the door to CFBF after that night and best friend and I have been laughing about him for 20 years now. I should have realised when he only turned up at mine in time for dinner and I'd feed him not wanting to be impolite!!

MIL dictated so much of my small budget wedding planning. Or should I say, tried to. Luckily I'm pretty strong willed.

She demanded a wedding car for her and FIL but my parents should be making their own way apparently.
Only DH and I were getting one as it was lent (free) by a friend and was just to take me to church and DH and I to the venue after. So that was my first "Hell no".

She demanded that we invite and pay for her entire extended family. People DH knew of but didn't really know. Another no.

She told us we had to book buses to pick up all of her family she wanted for evening guests (because DH and I had vetoed them being day guests). The bus was to go street to street. Most lived locally anyway and we live in a small village where the church and venue were all in walking distance.

She made me order corsages and boutonnieres (buttonhole flowers) for all the members of her family (at £10 a pop) including a special super-expensive silk one for her. Then she didn't actually wear it. My family paid for their own. We were only wanting to provide them for the wedding party.

She went behind my back and cancelled my buffet caterers because she wanted them to attend as her guests instead and when I asked who was making the food now, she told me my aunts and mum should. All of whom would be travelling for 4-8 hours to get to the wedding that was being held in MIL's village I might add.

If I had allowed her her own way at our wedding it would have cost at least three times more than my already stretched £3000 budget. She was the biggest CF when it came to spending other people's money. She never even offered a penny towards the wedding despite having tens of thousands squirrelled away under her mattress. Her money her choice but don't tell me I have have to take out credit cards and loans to make my big day her big day instead.

he went behind my back and cancelled my buffet caterers because she wanted them to attend as her guests instead and when I asked who was making the food now, she told me my aunts and mum should. All of whom would be travelling for 4-8 hours to get to the wedding that was being held in MIL's village I might add.

Who did do the food?!

My older ds is CF.. Whenever there is a big family birthday or funeral where there is the need to buy flowers,,its ' what are we doing about flowers for xys funeral'...er..... WE arent doing anything,,,iv already ordered mine, because she is famous for not producing her share. Or telling a family member that a gift is from her also, when she hasnt paid anything towards it.

My younger ds had a silver wedding anniversary party. Older DS arrives with no gift,,no money to buy herself a drink and spends all evening trying to cadge drinks from mine and various other husbands.

@Holidayshopping I told them there had been a mix up and I still needed them to cater it but would love for them to come spend the evening with us if they delegated the buffet to the rest of the staff.

What really baffles me about all these is that the CFs have no shame. Last week my friend ordered our food in a cafe as I was sotting bfing baby, I forgot to hand her the cash back and was mortified and felt like a CF. Text her apologising and offering to bank tramsfer it, she wasn't in the least worried and told me to buy next time.

How can people not feel shame with sponging off others?

MIL. Goes on holidays we can't afford but demands DH (we) pay her very expensive gym membership each month.

Often invites us out for dinner and we only realise at the end of the meal she is expecting us to pay for it.

DH has finally cottoned on and is stopping it now. I wouldn't care but she's better off than we are!

Often invites us out for dinner and we only realise at the end of the meal she is expecting us to pay for it.

That would happen only once with me! How have you let it get to ‘often’?

My daughter and I once went to visit a castle with a friend and her daughter. I stopped to get petrol and she said she didn’t have any cash to contribute but would pay me back. She then went into the shop and used her card to buy breakfast and lunch food for them both - they did offer us some bits to be fair.

Got to the castle and she’s got no money to get in and her bank account is empty after buying the food, so, again I paid and she was going to give it back. Thing is, I was on a tight budget at the time and only had a certain amount of cash on me so that left me broke. I told my daughter she couldn’t have anything from the gift shop or cafe today and she was a bit disappointed but ok with it.

Then, we’re heading back to the car at the end of the visit and we’re a little behind them as we’d taken longer in the toilet and friend is waiting by the shop. She said, oh sorry, could you hang on a minute as I found a £5 note in the bottom of my bag when I was looking for the pen and [her daughter] has just popped into the shop to get a book she really wants!!!

I did walk into the shop to see if I could do anything about it but her daughter was already paying for the book. My daughter then had to spend the journey back listening to her friend talk about this new book!

It still winds me up and this was several years ago now! Never got the petrol or entrance money back either! It actually took 3 or 4 of these kind of days before I put my foot down and said cash up front because I didn’t want to believe it was deliberate.

@Holidayshopping I've fumed about it for years (she's had thousands and thousands from DH) but he wouldn't accept it and it would cause arguments between us so I let it go on and I would seethe about it.

Now we have a DC and much lower income he's finally closing up the bank- or saying he will anyway. MIL has always tried to be very close to me but I can't get over the resentment I hold regarding her CF behaviour, I don't think she even thinks she's wrong she feels perfectly entitled to have us fund her lifestyle.

One of the mum's at DS primary school was a true CF. She had a dodgy relationship with someone I knew & accused him of assault & rape, while the case was waiting to come to court she met someone else & started a new relationship, they booked a holiday, one morning I got a text from her, could I lend her £300 as her ex had blocked her bank account & she was going away the day after? My DP went mad & said don't lend her the money, I said no but she kept on messaging me until I lent her the £300. When she came back off holiday she gave me £150 in cash & a cheque for £150, the cheque bounced & I messaged her asking for the money, she said I was harassing her & eventually gave me £20, I never got the other £130 back. A few months later, I had a knock at my door very late one evening, it was the police, she had accused me of pushing her daughter down in a puddle in the playground & stamping on her when the kids came out of school, I asked when this was supposed to have taken place, I was told over 3 months ago, when I worked out the day it was supposed to have happened, I hadn't picked up DS, my DP had gone in school to collect him as I wasn't well, I asked if there were any witnesses or CCTV of the event, there weren't any, my DP told the police he had collected DS that day, & told them what had happened with the money, I showed them the text messages & asked why it had taken over 3 months for her to report it? They left apologising for disturbing us late at night. I never spoke to her again & DS wouldn't have anything to do with her daughter at school. Last year there was a court case in our local paper, it was the CF, she had stolen £48000 from her DS trust fund from his dad who had died. She was sentenced to 30 months in prison, she will be due out soon, I just hope I never see her again.

😳

I got stung by the cf bug at uni.
First time was a girl we were living with. Total kleptomaniac - she would steal food, hair brushes, paper, pens. If it was in the living room or kitchen she would take it. She didn’t even need to use it, she just had to have it. Once me and the other girls I lived with had a friends’ birthday party in our flat. Klepto girl was invited but declined the offer. We all chipped in £20 each to cover food (pizzas) and booze before we went out on the lash. We’d come home next morning to find all the booze (there was a fair bit leftover) and the leftover pizza wasn’t in the kitchen, after ‘breaking in’ to the girls room (my key used to be a master type of key and opened all the girls doors) we found all the missing food, booze, half eaten packets of crackers, boxes of cornflakes with our names on!
The second time we were living with another girl who used to let her boyfriend into our house. He would sit and watch tv all day, scratching his balls and not doing anything. According to our lease agreement, guests were ok, as long as they left after 3 days/4 nights. He never left. He would eat everything (and I mean everything) after our experience with klepto girl we ended up labelling everything and trying to lock the cupboards. Somehow every night we’d get back from uni and there he’d be, beer in hand, food scattered all over the coffee table and empty cans around him. He was supposed to be looking for a job that never materialised and he would demand that whoever was cooking would cook for him too. We were all too scared to say no, so he would get free bed and board and meals and never did a thing in return. I asked him once to help us take some rubbish out after a heavy session and he just sat there and said that he hadn’t been invited so he wasn’t going to clear up, despite him attending and most of the rubbish being his!
We eventually spoke to the residents association and had him and his girlfriend kicked out, as we were so sick of him freeloading off students who could hardly afford loo roll. I was working 3 part time jobs and completed 2 degrees and he couldn’t be arsed to hoover occasionally!
Third time a man in the next house was dating one of my friends, needed money for a train ticket. Didn’t get given his grant until the next day, but I had budgeted (really wanted to get my boyfriend something amazing for Christmas) and happened to have some spare. He borrowed the money for the train fare, plus some food money and a bit extra just in case, came to £80. Never saw it again, but when he offered me a lift back from Tesco, the git had the audacity to ask me for £20 petrol. It was a 20 min tram ride which I got for free! Luckily said friend ditched him pretty quickly after that.

Changed my user name for this for if my pals read this they will know it is me for sure.

A friend asked if her friend (who I did not know) could let her adult child come and stay with me until she and boyfriend got established. I am in another country and they had working holiday visas.

Well they came, I collected them from airport, paid the very expensive parking. They just wandered away to wait while I paid.
Oh and it was midnight- never said thanks.

Then.....
They ate a loaf of bread a day- so I was always out of bread when I wanted toast. They made lunchtime sandwiches to save money, emptying my fridge.

I bought my DH a 3 ltr bottle of expensive juice. In the evening I could not find it- one of CF guests, glibly said ' ah yes I drank that' - the whole bottle in less than a day. No embarrassment (and bear in mind they had never met me til 2 days prior).

They used my phone to call overseas.

They left cooling on all day to make sure their room was cool at night.
Went for dinner with friends who could not put them up- never invited us.
Transferred GBP20k to give themselves spending money.
Never cooked a meal, never bought so much as a pint of milk.
Drank our wine, ate our food.
And so on.....

When they left after 3 weeks, they gave us nothing. NOTHING.
Did not even get a thank you card.
Then the mum came for a visit to her kid and the boyfriend- did not even give me a "thank you phone call'. Just tagged me in FB photos to show what a fab time they had.

No more favours for friends of friends. I will do anything for friends, but other than that- NO.

some of these are really bad :(

One 'friend' (let's call him Mark ) used to come round to ours, with other mates of DH's, to watch the live football. We used to provide some drinks and snacks. He used to bring four cans of beer, eat and drink what we provided, then take his four cans home. He's no longer invited.

Another set of 'friends' (let's call them Sue and Ian ) stayed at our home many times, for the weekend or short holidays (we live by the sea in a lovely holiday place). We would cater for them, full cooked breakfasts, nice lunches, lovely home made dinners, they contributed by bringing a bottle of wine and some chocolates . All we asked was that we all went out for one of the nights, for a pub meal, to give us a break from all the cooking and washing up. So far so good, until the time we went out (three couples, we had other friends staying too) and 'Ian' decides they can't afford anything on the menu and will go back to ours. To avoid an embarrassing scene, we agree that the two couples will pay for Sue and Ian's meals. The very next day, they go into town and spend £60 on presents to take back from their lovely weekend break. Not invited again.

SIL (let's call her Emma) deserves a thread if her very own. Amongst many episodes of CFuckery, I once mentioned in passing that I was going to get a new suit for work (new job, management grade, back in the nineties) and she said she had one and would bring it round. Promptly asked me for £5 for it and I was so gobsmacked I paid her. Turned up at several family occasions (where free food and drink were on offer) with a face like a smacked arse. Could not bear to enjoy herself, thought it might mean she owed us in some way. She had a 40th birthday gathering, 14 guests met for an Italian meal. She arranged for us to have 14 separate bills, down to the last penny, didn't even buy a drink for any of us, we had all turned up with cards, gifts and flowers. It was lovely DPIL's 51st wedding anniversary, she didn't even get them a card, as it 'wasn't a special one'. Her meanness know no bounds.

@crumbill demands DH (we) pay her very expensive gym membership each month.

how does that conversation go? i cant imagine saying that to someone or having it said to me so genuinely curious!