CF tightarsedness

[BorisAndDoris]

Inspired by another thread, I'd love to hear your experiences of CFers being tight arses, never putting their greedy paws in their own pockets.

Mine was an ex when I was a youngster. Maybe 16? 17? I was financially independent (okay, skint on min wage but paid my way) and rented my own place.
CFBF and I were in the early stages of dating (maybe 1 or 2 months in).
I was running errands one day and needed to pick a few things up from the supermarket. He tagged along.

I went round the supermarket and he kept chucking items into the trolley. Fine with me, no point in 2 trolleys.
He put his stuff on the conveyor (sans divider!) whilst I was packing mine. I didn't notice until he said he needed to pop to the loo. He left me to pay for everything.! I was mortified and hadn't grown the lady balls yet to stand up for myself well. I paid and asked him for the money when he got back. He told me he forgot his wallet and would give it to me when he came next time. He didn't.

In fact the next time he showed up I was leaving for the cinema with my best friend. We told CFBF we already had plans. My Best friend was paying because it was his turn and I was skint (thanks to CFBF's shopping which he forgot to bring his money for again!)
I locked up the house and we all walked to the bus together. CFBF got on too as it was also his bus.

We got off in town. CFBF got off with us. Okaaaay...
We got to the cinema. CFBF still with us.
I asked if he was heading home and he said no, I'll come with you! Hmm.. whatever, I couldn't really stop him.

He walked in just ahead of us. The desk clerk had the tickets printed when we got there and best friend paid. It wasn't until we were at the concessions counter he realised he'd paid for three, not two. CFBF has asked for three tickets and not paid his one. It was so awkward that best friend couldn't bring himself to actually say anything.
I stopped answering the door to CFBF after that night and best friend and I have been laughing about him for 20 years now. I should have realised when he only turned up at mine in time for dinner and I'd feed him not wanting to be impolite!!

What did she say when you said no @saffyBoo ?

She didn't respond to me. I'm 100% sure she actually thought I would pay her £10 a day. I believe she also charged other parents when their kids went to play I.e. if she took them to soft play she asked for the money. I hate stingy people, I think it's the nastiest personality trait ever.

I had a CF flatmate attempt. She tried to stiff me with a huge phone bill (this was back in the 80s). So I took all her stuff to the pawn shop - stereo equipment, telly, phone, whatever I found in her room. Quasi legal but I told her to go ahead and call the police or whatever, or pay up. She paid up and I redeemed her stuff. Bitch.

LOL @ Sunflower. Don't know why people put up with her for so long, though. Just don't loan the money. She comes with no wallet, 'That's a pity, we'll have to cancel I can't afford to pay for you,' or if she springs it on you, 'Oh, that's too bad. I can't afford to pay for you. You didn't ask permission, I'm afraid it's not my responsibility.' Just fuck that.

I have a CF story. I think it's a CF story - Maybe IABU?

A few years ago a then colleague who actually did roughly the same job as I do but who was very senior to me in terms of job title and pay traveled to London with his wife. Suggests dinner - we are all looking forward to it. He was a close colleague - we would message most days about case work, office gossip etc. Considered him something of a mentor, it would be fair to say. But again - in terms of job titles technically quite a bit senior to me. I also turned up with some posh chocs for them, etc.

Anyway, the bill comes and he offers to pay. Now here's where it could be a bit cultural - my husband says no and puts his card down. It was only after we'd paid that I found out from my husband the bill hadn't been split - we'd paid for the lot. ALL £280 worth! His wife had chosen the restaurant. I couldn't believe they would let us do that. I cannot even begin to imagine sticking anyone at all with a bill of that size let alone a junior colleague. "We'll treat you when you next across the pond." Right, well seeing as there are four of us (DH and me and two DCs) the chances of that day coming soon are slim indeed. I think it is common to pick up the tab in the US, more common at least than it would be here. But nearly three hundred quid????? Seriously?

I just found out they were back over here. "We went to [the exact same restaurant] again and thought fondly of you guys. It was a really quick trip, sorry we couldn't see you" was the message I received once they returned home...Yes, I'm sure there was no time to meet up or God forbid treat us...

I was actually quite hurt at the time, more than anything else. And I can't quite believe they said they went to the same place...

I think it is common to pick up the tab in the US, more common at least than it would be here.

No, it's far more common to pay for only what you ordered/have separate bills. They completely shafted you.

If this person is not still a colleague and has no bearing on your job I'd not have hesitated to write back. 'Yes, I still think, not as fondly, of how you allowed us to pay a nearly £300 bill without a quibble, said you'd treat us next time, and then don't. Lesson learned!'

Actually, you should have stood up and said something. Again, this always blows my mind, just how many people have a spare 300 quid to throw at a CF.

don't are you American? I am. I have noticed this trait before but I am wondering if it's a 'NY/NJ thing...'

Actually, you should have stood up and said something. Again, this always blows my mind, just how many people have a spare 300 quid to throw at a CF.

My DH settled the tab and I found out what had happened in the car. I would said "let's split it" if I had been the one putting the card down. My DH felt he should go along with it and not risk offending my much senior colleague. It just didn't occur to me that we hadn't split.

I had a CF mate/flatmate. Took me a while to realise I was paying for all the food and cooking it a few times a week whilst he chatted away to me, but I never said anything as he was always friendly. I always ended up paying for two of the three rounds if we went to a pub, it was low level cfery but it was all the time, and I really didn't make great money. Then he borrowed some money and made no moves to pay it back, always an excuse, and I was a walkover.

Then he announced he was moving out and I thought I'm never seeing that money or you again am I. So I took a seamripper to every few stitches in the arse of all his work suits. Still makes me smile that he'll have had to pay for something finally.

I am not sure how I missed the card exchange. I thought I was 'over' this incident but their trip has brought it all back. I can sort of see why DH felt backed into it- knowing HIM and the situation. I am not sure what I would have done if the situation was reversed. Generally speaking I am blunter than DH. The message I sent was along the lines of 'don't worry we'll be sure to meet you NEXT TIME.'

Took me a while to realise I was paying for all the food and cooking it a few times a week whilst he chatted away to me, but I never said anything as he was always friendly.

How did it take you a while though?-see this is where I get baffled. Had I paid for the food more than once without a flat mate paying, I would have said ‘oi!’.

don't are you American?

No, but my husband is.

@Holiday... it was just chatting in the kitchen, what are you making/ that smells good/ I haven't stopped for a bite yet today sort of conversations that just led to me throwing in more food and dishing up an extra plate. Looking back, at that point in my life I suppose it was just really nice to have a friendly face and a chat at home.

Ovienna
Anyway, the bill comes and he offers to pay. Now here's where it could be a bit cultural - my husband says no and puts his card down

Your husband didn’t say ‘ let’s split it’ he offered to pay. They didn’t stick you with the bill your DH offered.

So I took a seamripper to every few stitches in the arse of all his work suits

My hero!

@Bringbackthestripes
Yes, I agree we should have been clearer. DH put his card down and TO US we had offered to split the bill. I think we may have said something like: "You can't do that." It would not be in our frame of reference that one couple would cover that scale of bill for both parties. It seemed like a leap to me at the time for them to assume that but I don't know - he probably had no idea what I earned relative to him. It was very stupid but for reasons I've explained above DH didn't feel able to clarify and just settled it.

My immediate thought @OVienna when you said your DH said, No and put his card down was that your DH was picking up the tab. And forgive me if I'm getting it wrong but the colleague had offered to pay for everything? So not so much a CFer than some miscommunication perhaps.

Though I would have felt sick at DH mistakingly offering to pay a full £300 bill.

Yes we fucked up. I still couldn't believe it though. I guess what prompted me to post was the fact they'd been back but were "too busy" to meet up with us again. One of the reasons I'd never let him pay was worrying about how we'd ever repay the hospitality. They did not share that concern.

It definitely is CFery to not return the favour when they came back.

I had a boyfriend who asked to borrow £60 from me 'until payday' to buy my birthday present. I reluctantly agreed (ah, young love....).
He bought me a cheap Ratners necklace (cost £12), and I never got the rest back. He was another of the 'forgot my wallet' brigade, too. The last straw was when he lost his job, and was living with me, so I was paying all of the rent. I found out he had a mate claim he was living there, and he was claiming rent allowance, then spending that to go out when I was at work.
I moved his stuff to his mates address, left it on the front door step, and flogged his widescreen telly.
Sad to say, he's not the only boyfriend who's done that type of thing to me, but he was the last.

When my sister and her family moved to the country they were a bit short of cash. But they wanted to go to the mall so met them there. My niece wanted some shoes but my sister said no they couldn't afford it. It was $20 so I bought it for her.
They decided they wanted McDonalds ice cream afterwards so we went there. She asked what I was getting I told her just a 50 cent ice cream cone. She lines up so I stand next to her thinking she was going to get it for me but then she orders hers her husbands and 2 kids ice cream sundaes pays and moves to the side so I can order and pay for my 50 ice cream on my card.

@dulcefarniente do you know my SIL?! that sounds exactly like her 😂

Flaffable was he a chancer or had he genuinely deluded himself that you owed him money?

I used to do multiple favours for a friend- pick her kids up from school and watch them for an hour twice a week, take her shopping as she doesn't drive, lots of other things too...
Anyway, she once and a party at her house for friends from a club she was in. They all brought wine and left quite a few bottles. She doesn't drink and next time I saw her she was wondering what to do with it all. I said " I like wine". She then said she would give it to her colleagues for Christmas presents. I got not one bottle of her unwanted wine ☹️

a week or so before our wedding i got asked by mil if brother in law could bring his girlfriend, I cannot even remember now if i had previously met her. anyway moved table plan around and sat her with husbands closest family, partway through the meal realized she had moved her chair onto the top table because she didn't know anybody!
she also ruined a special family meal where we had all agreed to split the bill including parents meals 3 ways between siblings, to shout and rant at the top of her voice that they hadn't had extras or starters etc. she now takes the bill, removes their meals and then adds a 'discount code' for just their meals.