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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is a drama queen?

284 replies

gladstonefive · 12/11/2018 19:46

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/11/2018 21:20

My siblings and I were given alcohol from the age of 12 (my DM was an alcoholic so it was easy to get hold of). There are four of us, three of us have no issues with alcohol, two of us don't drink at all. The other one does have an issue.

I don't know if drinking younger is linked with problems with alcohol or not however I definitely wouldn't be giving a 12 or 14 year old alcohol, no matter how little it is.

Mum2jenny · 12/11/2018 21:20

Ok in my book as it seems it was unlikely to be a unit of gin which was well diluted with tonic.

My dc wouldn't touch a g&t, and to be fair I didn't drink g&ts until I was well passed legal drinking age as I thought they were rank. Tbf I'm surprised they'd drink even straight tonic water at that age.

However as a parent it's your choice which is relevant not a PIL.

Justmuddlingalong · 12/11/2018 21:23

Are you trying to be a cool parent? Just because she asked, you could have said no. Did she have just a wee, tiny puff on a fag with her G&T?

EggysMom · 12/11/2018 21:24

YANBU to give incredibly diluted alcoholic drinks to your 12yo & 14yo children. You know them best.

Your MIL is entitled to her opinion (as are we all). It's how she expresses that opinion that turns it into an argument.

MakeAHouseAHome · 12/11/2018 21:25

I am all for letting adults decide when to introduce alcohol to their children, but that is more wine than hard spirits. Tbh i don't think it is appropriate to give a 12 or 14 year old spirits.

cheezeontoast · 12/11/2018 21:34

I can't think of any reason at all that 12 and 14 year olds should be provided with gin and tonic.

MrsRhettButler · 12/11/2018 21:38

Personally would have said no myself but I don't judge you and I don't think it's that big of a deal Confused

In your picture it's fuck all, I think you miscalculated and said 10% and that's made it sound worse to people maybe?
Some people are just much more uptight about these things than others.

Calling you a shit mum is completely ott.

MrsRhettButler · 12/11/2018 21:41

In fact, I may have said yes myself to that amount if my 13yo dd had asked 🤷‍♀️

Mum2jenny · 12/11/2018 21:55

I'd be very surprised if a 12-14 yo would finish a drink like that.

elliejjtiny · 12/11/2018 22:09

I'm surprised that a child would drink gin and tonic tbh, I think it's got quite a strong flavour. I know when I was 17/18/19 me and my friends would drink fruit flavoured alcohol drinks like alcopops and lambrini. My 12 year old hasn't asked to taste an alcoholic drink yet but I wouldn't be giving him gin at his age.

Rayn · 12/11/2018 22:14

Maybe just put in the tonic and lemon! Minus the gin!

theonetowalkinthesun · 12/11/2018 22:23

YANBU, I would have done the exact same OP.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 12/11/2018 22:24

My parents have always been very relaxed about alcohol encouraging us to have a bit from around high school age. It actually made me more responsible at around 16 when people were getting out of control drunk when their parents had gone on holiday and they'd never tried alcohol before.

I don't see a problem so long as you made it a weak one. If you were doing shots with her now I'd say different but having a weak drink with family, I don't see the issue. Your mil needs to but out, it's not up to her, you're the parents.

SpottingTheZebras · 12/11/2018 22:26

A taste of very diluted gin and tonic is one thing but, despite your drip feed, it sounds like you gave her a lot and an evening before she goes to school.

If I had been given gin and tonic at the age of 12, it probably would have put me off alcohol altogether. Tonic tastes awful and I don’t think it is a young teenage taste - isn’t that why alcopops are/were so popular?

Mum2jenny · 12/11/2018 23:07

That's why I say my dd wouldn't have drunk a g&t at that age as the tonic is so vile.

Helendee · 12/11/2018 23:42

Surely the livers of children won’t feel well with alcohol?

Helendee · 12/11/2018 23:42

Deal well I meant.

Petitepamplemousse · 12/11/2018 23:45

Your MIL is absolutely right. No need to teach a 12 yo that alcohol is exciting. It wasn’t even wine with a meal, which would be bad enough as much research shows the earlier you drink, the more likely you are to be addicted.

Petitepamplemousse · 12/11/2018 23:46

Also YABU for the 14 year old too.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/11/2018 23:54

Does anyone know if this would be considered a safeguarding issue if your DD mentioned it at school?

I agree with your MIL, completely inappropriate. The drinking at an early age thing seems to work in European countries because of their other traditions surrounding alcohol eg only drinking with food and limiting the amount they have.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 13/11/2018 00:05

I would definitely be required to pass the information on if I knew that a child of that age had been given a full gin and tonic to drink by a parent. Whether ss would think it warranted more than a phonecall I've no idea.

Petitepamplemousse · 13/11/2018 00:08

In answer to the question above.... I am a teacher. If a 12 year old said this, I think I’d probably refer it. That doesn’t mean SS would come swooping down on you, but the head of year or deputy head would certainly want a chat, and would tell you exactly what you’ve been told by most people. They would also make a record of it. The 14 year old I wouldn’t refer, even though I may privately disapprove, as sadly it’s quite common for even young ish teenagers to be allowed to drink alcohol.

Petitepamplemousse · 13/11/2018 00:09

The reason I say I would probably rather than definitely refer it is because it depends on how the child phrased it. If they said they’d had a few sips, maybe not... but if they said exactly what you’ve said in the OP yes I would refer this.

LoveWasAccidental · 13/11/2018 00:21

Ollivander, yes, it's anecdotal, but certain things increase likelihood of developing problems with alcohol. Early exposure is one of them.

theworldistoosmall · 13/11/2018 00:27

I allowed my dc's to drink at home. They are now adults and still are responsible when it comes to drinking because they were taught about responsible drinking. When their mates were passing out/vomiting when away from parents and having that freedom, mine never did that.
And if school/SS became involved they would have been referred back to government legislation with regards to drinking. From 5 at home, and from 16 in a pub/restaurant with a meal.
Would mine have drunk spirits at that age? No, because they didn't like spirits. I would rather them have their own very diluted drink than having a sip of mine that wasn't diluted.