To think my MIL is a drama queen?

[gladstonefive]

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

Why would you give children alcohol?? Just why? I’m so confused by this if I’m honest. I’m with your mother in law. I would have questioned it too. I don’t get why it was necessary. Why was it even a question that you would give G&T to a 14 and 12 year old? Alcohol is not easy for adult bodies to process never mind adolescents/preteens. And IMO the small amount give is irrelevant. It’s just so unnecessary.

not wanting to give a 12 year old gin is now pearl-clutching? I wish I had known earlier that so little was required of me as a parent.

I would not have given both "children" a gin. I do not agree with under 18s drinking alcohol. That shite allowing them to drink in moderation in front of their parents is bollix, would the same parents let their kids smoke??

Hard alcohol for 12 and 14 year olds?

I think you're displaying remarkably poor judgement, personally.

Aside from your views on giving a little taste pouring a 12 yr old their own gin and tonic is just completely normalising drinking from a young age. Why would you want to normalise that? They’ll still be curious about getting drunk and will have developed a taste for alcohol by the time they’re 18. Why would anyone think that would lead to sensible drinking in a society notorious for binge drinking?
It seems MIL isn’t allowed to show concern for her grandchildren. She wasn’t intervening over something minor. She obviously loves her grandchildren and cares about them. And the vast majority on here agree with her. I hope she gets an apology op. And be grateful you have a mil who cares enough for her Gc to speak up even if it doesn’t make her popular.

Not only pearl clutching but highly hypocritical.

I'm trying to get the logic of "because sugar is very bad for you, it is ok to give a 12 year old gin"

Grandmother gets upset at 12 year old grandchild being given alcohol and gets told to leave?!
What a git caring about her, eh?

Pallise so what is the difference in the way the liver deals with both substances?

Probably because I don't drink so alcohol never features in my life.

But throwing your Mil out seems an extreme reaction when you have invited her round to eat with you.

How much alcohol had you had before hand yourself? Are you big drinkers? I.E do you stick to the government guidelines or do you and your dp drink more than 2 small drinks per day everyday?

Pallise so what is the difference in the way the liver deals with both substances?

No idea. Presumably there is none. So that makes it hypocritical and pearl-clutching to think giving a 12 year old a gin and tonic is wrong?

Here's a novel thought - you can actually think that as 12 year olds with a G&T is utterly ridiculous AND think children shouldn't eat sugar.

Thing with alcohol is it is restricted by intoxication, unlike drinking sugar which isn’t inhibited by becoming drunk so far larger quantities are drunk

What on earth do people on this thread think 1 g&t will actually do to a 12 year olds liver? It’s just a pointless discussion isn’t it? It won’t do anything!

Caprisun you are missing the point. It isn’t at this stage about the physical effects on the liver.

It is about making alcohol seem like a normal thing to drink with a meal and where it might lead.
By giving alcohol to children it is making it acceptable for them to drink and I wonder if there is some sort of pressure to get the children to drink to keep the parents happy.

Like a smoker giving a cigarette to their children so they can join the parent in the garden for a fag and a chat.

I have been around drinkers and the amount some teens drink now is not the same. The pressure to drink by their mates is far greater than years ago.

Whilst I was in the minority sticking to pineapple juice. People only drank on a night out in the pub 2 or 3 pints of beer, women had half’s. Gin and vodka was for the older generation.

If someone ordered a G&T they were probably getting on for 30 at the youngest. I could almost tell their age by what people ordered.

Now young teens are making bottles of spirits the first port of call

Several of dds friends had mothers, when she was in school, who berated me for my stance on alcohol.

Dd hasn’t touched a drop. She tends to work serving alcohol rather than on the other side of the bar. She is slim and healthy.

A lot of her friends who were supposedly taught to drink by their parents have spent time in A&E being treated for alcohol poisoning and a lot considering how slim they were before being taught to drink look really bloated and fat and are never seen with out a drink in their hands.

But why give a 12 and 14 year old gin? Why would you even think to do that? I think it's odd and quite remarkable behaviour.

Actually I think better the devil you know. Kids aren't stupid. If you say no, they'll be down the park sipping goodness knows what with goodness knows who. Better tried in a safe environment in a controlled amount. I think it was reasonable tbh.

Oliversmumsarmy tbh I think you seem a little niaeve. I had strict parents. Kids find a way around this. The whole slim healthy bit is a bit insulting. I hardly hit 8 stone well into my 20s, I still drank, not crazy amounts and am perfectly healthy. I don't expect my children to be perfect, and would rather an honest relationship where I can try and offer advice rather than blindly pretend they never entered a pub before 18, then sipped on juice all night tbh.

Pallisers there's nothing wrong with sugar, you practically can't avoid it, just like alcohol it only become a problem when you overconsume it.

If you say no, they'll be down the park sipping goodness knows what with goodness knows who.

And if you say yes they'll be doing the same. Do people really think the kids down the park sipping goodness knows what are doing it because mum and dad won't give them a light g&t with sunday dinner? it is a teenage thing - - they want to hang with "goodness knows who". It is not a need that can be fulfilled by having a sherry with granny on a sunday.

Tantrumschmantrum I know dd certainly wasn’t down the park passing round the vodka. I know she doesn’t drink. During her teens every spare minute was taken up with a certain pastime which if she drank (not that she had time) would have really not been a good idea.

Now she is either driving, or in charge of the bar and catering for big events or working on her business.

Some people don’t actually drink.

Yes not everyone drinks and that's fine if that's what you want, but it's not wrong to drink, it's a personal preference as is anything else in life.

Many European countries believe in introducing something sensibly, i.e a small amount over a meal with family at home. I believe we have much worse alcohol problems here than many of these countries because they have a far better method of introduction.

Our pubs are different from when my parents were young where you had a good mix of ages, the youth being kept in check by the oldies. Village style pubs. They are more into town with a mainly younger crowd who are out to get hammered. Your DC may choose to abstain, but the average kid wants to fit in so better they learn from granny over a g&t their limits and when to stop than to be peer pressured into silly situations.

My parents were as I said strict. I towed the line for the main part, but if I did want to go to a specific party which I knew they wouldn't agree, I would attend a sleep over at my BMs house (a girl they approve of and over 20 years on is still my bestie) and they'd be none the wiser.

Oliversmummy yet research at St Andrews University shows that teens are drinking dramatically far less now than generations before them and peer pressure is not to drink alcohol

ivykatie44 that might be the case in St Andrews but from a rl POV all I hear is that someone’s dd or Ds who was supposedly taught to drink sensibly is off their heads drunk or in a&e being treated for alcohol poisoning.

I think also dd has gone a different route to her peers.
She has her own business and is working and drives around in a very nice car and has her sights firmly on her business. Whilst her peers were running around different unis off their faces on freshers week.

Alcohol damages developing brains.

www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122765890&t=1542363702211

She is being a drama queen! If you want to give your kids a drink then what's it got to do with her! Personally I don't think 12 is too young for a small amount of alcohol.