To think my MIL is a drama queen?

[gladstonefive]

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

I am also bemused at a parent watching her 12 year old to see if her behaviour had changed after giving her spirits. weird.

Not spirits there was no need, maybe a splash of wine or beer but no need for 40% proof at 12.

We got a small amount of wine sometimes diluted with water. A half measure of gin is not an unreasonable amount. I'm sure lots of parents give a half glass of champagne at christmas. A half measure of gin would be the same amount of alcohol.

To all the people banging on about spirits, it wasnt a shit of tequilla. It was heavily diluted with tonic, so weaker than wine.

YANBU I don’t understand how one small drink occasionally will do any harm.

You don't give 12 year olds gin.

MIL had a point.

must be a joke thread. No one gives a 12 year old gin and tonic. I would even baulk at the 14 year old, but the 12 year old is a joke. Not a funny one either.

Your MIL presumably loves them and so wants the best for them. Giving them gin at 12 / 14 isn’t the best for them in a lot of people’s opinions (mine included)— be grateful you have a mil who is willing to fight you to protect her grandkids.

A couple of sips maybe but a full glass is quite a lot and 10% really isn’t that small of an amount for a 12 year old

This can’t be serious

I would have judged you for that.
I think it’s fine to let them have a taste - for the demystifying thing. I would even let my 8yo dip a finger into a spirit and mixer and lick it.

Actually, first I’d say “smell it” and that would probably stop her wanting it. Then the finger thing - my experience is that when I say yes to trying, she then says “no thanks actually”.

But I wouldn’t be making her a glass up! It’s not the amount of gin, 10% or whatever. It’s the normalising of a 12yo (or 14yo) having a spirit based drink. I wouldn’t do one with 5% or 1%. All 10% is going to do, is make her think she likes G&T! And let her start forming a habit of drinking.

Tell them both no to a glass, yes to a taste.

I was allowed to drink (small) amounts of alcohol at home from about that age & think it is responsible parenting to introduce them to alcohol and demystify it.
If they never have it and see it as ‘forbidden’ they are much more likely to drink irresponsibly & potentially cause more problems for the future.

Even if I did agree with MiL (which is clearly don’t) it is not her place to tell you how to raise your children. The key is they are your children to raise as you and DH see fit.

I think 12 years old is definitely too young to be drinking gin (actually so is 14 IMO), so I'm with your MIL on this one. She shouldn't have argued with you in front of your DDs, though.

Yabu to encourage your dc to drink alcohol. I support you mil.

Your MIL was ridiculous

Some people.

And if I was your MIL, not only round I judge you for giving alcohol to a 12yo, I’d also assume it’s because you didn’t have the parenting skills to say “no” - and I’d judge that too.

Wow, 10% gin is about the ratio I make for myself. I’m sorry but I think giving a child a g and t of their own is completely different to letting them have a sip of wine or beer to demystify it. I would have felt very uncomfortable if I had been there (but probably wouldn’t have said anything as I’m a bit of a coward and hate confrontation),

I'm all for the introducing teenagers to alcohol thing, but in my mind that would usually be something like a shandy or white wine spritzer with a meal

Not gin

10% of 250ml is 25ml.

That’s a shot.

You gave your 12 year old a shot of gin.

OP I don't think you did anything wrong. Most people I know were given small quantities of alcohol at family gatherings etc growing up. I can remember having little glasses of white wine spritzers, or sips of my dads whisky and lemonade when I was little. I thoroughly believe it helps kids in the long run. It meant I didn't go crazy like you see some kids today who get over excited when they are old enough to drink and simply cannot handle it.

I find this baffling. No way would I give my 12 and 14 year old's a G and T. They are far too young.

Yikes. 12 is waaay too young.

Wow. YABVU.

12 years old ffs.

I think it was fine, it was only a tiny splash. My siblings and I have all been allowed alcohol from a similar age and none of us are big drinkers.