Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is a drama queen?

284 replies

gladstonefive · 12/11/2018 19:46

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 13/11/2018 00:28

Allowing small amounts of alcohol, supervised amd moderated, takes away the mystery of alcohol and encourages young people to drink responsibly

How about not drinking at all.

MrsStrowman · 13/11/2018 00:33

Not sure why people are saying wine is better than gin, in a standard pub measure there is one unit in a G&T , at least two in a small glass of wine 125-150ml which is much smaller than even most small home glasses. I would've said yes to the 14 YO made it weak and one only, the 12 year old would've been a no from me

TooManyPaws · 13/11/2018 00:37

My parents were spectacularly unfussed about allowing me diluted drinks and wine as a teenager, particularly as we were in a society where children joined adult social circles as teenagers and so I was going to drinks parties with them and learning how to behave socially. I can easily take it or leave it and really don't get the binge drinking so prevalent.

CSIblonde · 13/11/2018 00:46

I think 12 is too young but 14 is OK, as its about not making it a forbidden & therefore more appealing 'taboo' & learning to drink responsibly. At 15 I was drinking a glass of wine or a G&T at weekends at home with a meal or out with friends in rural pubs. Very lax re age rules back then in village pubs & 15 was seen as OK by the majority of friend's parents .

BumsexAtTheBingo · 13/11/2018 00:46

Government regulations don't say let your 12 yr old have their own g&t! I suppose going by the same logic social services also wouldn't be interested in a 5 yr old drinking as much gin, vodka etc as a parent saw fit due to government regulations Hmm

LiquoricePickle · 13/11/2018 00:58

I don't think the discussion about whether anyone else would do it is relevant.

If you, add the parent, decided to do it and they weren't being put in any danger, then after her first comment your MIL should have minded her own business.

TuMeke · 13/11/2018 01:24

This whole thread is giving me Reeves & Mortimer flashbacks.

darceybussell · 13/11/2018 01:48

I'm quite surprised at the strong reactions on this thread! My grandma used to let me have an archers and lemonade at that age, but perhaps that was a different era and things have moved on.

I don't think it's a problem but I can see I'm going against the grain!

Alwaysbekind2014 · 13/11/2018 02:21

Jeez when I was 12 we all thought we were cool with our J20

Happypie · 13/11/2018 02:29

Grin Lol at Englishrose

Angrybird345 · 13/11/2018 05:45

Why the hell would you give a g&t to your kids??!!! Parent!!!

OutComeTheWolves · 13/11/2018 06:01

I'm really surprised by all the replies on this thread. My parents were ridiculously strict growing up - certainly the strictest out of all of my friends and I've always been allowed a small 'drink' for as long as I can remember really. They had a similar idea that once I started going out drinking, I wouldn't see it as anything exciting or 'cool because my mum had been allowing it for years.

GreenMeerkat · 13/11/2018 06:09

I think 12 is too young tbh.

BUT although I'm some years off yet I have 3 and 5 year old DDs and I do understand the frustration when the younger one wants everything the older one has. It's tough to say no to one and yes to the other.

AdoreTheBeach · 13/11/2018 06:34

Hi OP. I get what you were doing, demystifying the alcohol by allowing you DC weakened drink of what you all were having (and likely you've written wrong % of gin).

It’s usually watered (tonic) down wine or a shandy, not spirits, hence the responses you’re getting - and MIL reaction.

I’m originally from a culture very uptight about alcohol. Drinking age is 21. Of course kids try to get their hands on alcohol and binge quite a lot because it’s forbidden. I raised my DC in UK, they had spritzers, Buck’s Fizz etc during family gathering, toasts etc. Gin or other spirits were not big in our house while they were growing up so never offered. I do think if it were, I’d offer a very weak one. None (3 DC) have any issues with alcohol so I am a believer in the concept.

There’s also no alcoholism in our family history. I do believe there’s often family predisposition where there’s alcoholism (addiction). However, it didn’t stop them using my booze in later years for parties and watering down my gin or vodka instead of buying their own but that’s more selfishness than alcohol misuse related I suppose.

C0untDucku1a · 13/11/2018 06:41

Yabu to give spirits to children. You know you are or you wouldnt be now changing the amount

Groovee · 13/11/2018 07:03

Not sure why you posted seeing as you think you weren't unreasonable but 12 was a no no in the house. 14 we started the little amounts under our control.

Your MIL obviously had concerns and raised them!

Stuckinthemiddlehelp · 13/11/2018 07:18

I think you are fine in doing that. As long as its a tiny bit. Its important to teach kids responsible drinking. As in a social tipple rather than them suddenly going on the binge at 18. Its not the forbidden fruit by that ages then. Just explain then reason to MIL then ignore any further fuss. I hope she didnt make a scene in front of your kids

PeroniZucchini · 13/11/2018 07:19

I really don’t think that that tiny thimbleful of gin watered down by a large glass of tonic as a one-of treat renders you a shit parent.

Perspective please people.

What I do see as shit are the oblivious parents of my dd’s 14 year old friends who are getting smashed with their mates on vodka while pretending to be at innocent sleepovers because their parents are too uptight to allow or discuss any form of alcohol at home.

Jungster · 13/11/2018 07:26

"Demystifying" alcohol is given a huge standing ovation. Reminding underage kids that it's not something to work hard at growing to like / need should get a mention too.

Grimbles · 13/11/2018 07:27

I really don’t think that that tiny thimbleful of gin watered down by a large glass of tonic

People wear going by the amount originally given in the op, which was 10%. This was revised down a lot later in the thread.

RhiWrites · 13/11/2018 07:31

It might usually be a bit of wine but I think ag&t makes a lot of sense. I had friends who went mental with gin or vodka at 18. It’s a good idea to head that off at the pass with demystifying spirits and giving an idea what a measure is.

For the record, I drink my G&T like this. A splash of gin, dash of lime cordial and filled up with tonic. That way I can have lots of them.

I don’t think MIL was a drama queen though, OP. It’s completely possible she was genuinely shocked and worried.

Piratepolly · 13/11/2018 07:41

Your MIL definitely wasn't being a drama queen Confused more like a concerned GP.

You really need to rethink doing this again. Spirits are just not right for children.

BadgersBiggestFan · 13/11/2018 07:44

I can’t believe any young teen would enjoy drinking gin and tonic Shock

Piratepolly · 13/11/2018 07:48

All those normalising giving spirits to kids and it not having an effect later in life are missing the point that it can sometimes create a problem. A school friend of mine was given spirits as a child, it became the norm so she'd got used to it and started helping herself when her parents weren't there, it esculated and one social event she was so drunk on archers she had an epileptic fit and we had to call an ambulance. Very scary. She was ultimately okay but social workers got involved to monitor her. We were 13/14 at the time

Witchend · 13/11/2018 07:59

I doubt it was as much as 10% if it was a splash. Tiny bit in a full glass of tonic.
I wouldn't worry about it. I think children who have it like that are less likely to fall on alcohol when old enough.

I and my siblings grew up having a small amount with Sunday dinner and now none of us hardly drink.