He's using your child & your supposed 'weak parenting' as a fucking deflection to avoid discussing what the REAL issue is.
AND I suspect he's done this as you've possibly verbalised doubts about your parenting - which ALL parents have especially us single mums. To USE that to try and disrupt your emotions and distract you is unforgivable.
Bastard! Bin! Completely out of fucking order!
He's basically saying shite single mums have been hearing for years - "you should be grateful I'm even dating you as you've the 'baggage' of a child I have to put up with"
As for his next text where he's trying to make out he's "mr generosity" bullshit! I'd reply to that "and you've cost me £X in extra food, Gas&elec, petrol, pay per view boxing, loans that were never repaid..." Hit him with the hard facts of his "generosity"! Freeloading dick!
Glad you kept yourself right legally - but that is another expense you've incurred (extra 25% council tax how much is that?!) that he's not paid for!
Children do push boundaries at certain points it's not always useful to come down hard on that its part of natural development of independence. (Something frankly that your boyfriend seems yet to develop!)
Xenia are you reading a different thread to the rest of us?! I'm guessing you're not nor have been a single mum either. You seem to be saying that because op is a single mum she should just be grateful he was "willing to take on her and her child" and should accept such dreadful behaviour and attitude from him! Well here is news for you (and him) it's not the 60's any more where single mums are "damaged goods" who come "with baggage" who should be grateful if any man shows an interest! AND she should pay £££ for the privilege? I think not!
HE feels sick? That'll be the nausea due to his free ride coming to a sudden unexpected halt!
"What do I owe you?" Great! Take him up on this. At a CONSERVATIVE guess even NOT inc the council tax increase I estimate he owes you at least £1000! (£80 borrowed and not repaid, £20 boxing he never paid for, extra food, gas, electric, petrol, cleaning products, toiletries...) add the extra council tax and I dread to think what it comes to!
Oh and send him a list of all the times/places you went out where YOU paid!
He's been PLAYING at being a grown up. Actual grown ups know that the boring day to day costs of bills need to be paid fairly and are part of life!
You're right - he was living off you!
Half-heartedly "offering" rather than just bloody doing it is NOT the same as being an adult and paying your way!
A REAL adult man doesn't even offer - he just pays it! That's reminded me - my ex (army at the time) for whatever else I say about him when we'd been dating a few years and I had a flat near his barracks and he was staying over 3-4 nights a week never "offered" he'd just top up the meter, buy a WEEKLY shop (usually some extra treats in it too), give me £10 for my weeks transport to work on a regular basis. Enough that it worked out he was definitely paying his way - and he rarely let me pay on a night out then either.
"I offered" is pathetic!
"He’s referring there to my clothes/handbags/shoes which he makes a big fuss about. This has been on my mind all day." Which YOU Paid for with money YOU earned! None of his damn business how YOU spend YOUR money!
"according to him the most elite of the forces" aye right! Not how they're viewed by others btw - all brawn no brains more like! I once worked in a role that meant I was administrating matters across all the branches of the military and had to do so in such a way as "acknowledged the correct hierarchy" problem was EVERY branch thinks theirs are the best and they take priority. Flaming nightmare! The mistake many of them made was in thinking that as a civilian I knew nothing about the ranks/hierarchy - except I do as one side of my family all military - mostly army but a few in other branches too. Plus it was my job! So I was well acquainted with the ranks. So some argy sergeant trying to make out he was a "high ranking officer" who should be deferred to in ignorance of the needs of higher ranking soldiers soon got short shrift (plus in equivalency terms although I was civilian I outranked him!)
Ferrier - I'm guessing you're a navy/marines person or previous dependent of?
You're right that ex-military face difficulties in adjusting to "civvy st" but generally it's the longer serving ones, or those that have been injured/made ill by their service. That's why there's "resettlement" courses they're offered at the end of service and given access to welfare officers to find out certain things and get assistance eg with job and house hunting. Plus as you say charities that do similar work.
But there are some things that are just this guy being a dick! And attacking op's parenting and what she spends HER money on are just 2 of them.
Single serving in single accommodation (barracks - but essentially it's like a house share, when my ex was in he had his own room, which also contained a sink. Some have a small shared kitchen with basic equipment. Shared bathroom/shower facilities, communal living room - which was rarely used. Now many include en-suite bathroom but not everywhere yet it's changing gradually - and of course officer accommodation is being modernised first) pay rent (which includes ALL utilities and council tax - actually a payment "in lieu" of council tax but basically it's covered), food (which they get at the mess) - it's HEAVILY subsidised and the food is substantial and good quality. As I said upthread, basically when they get their pay (which is not bad for a single guy) it's theirs to spend, essentially disposable income.
Re when on op's - they still pay for accommodation & food because they are still being housed and fed! Albeit somewhere else. They get extra allowances to cover extra costs of being away to cover things like extra communication costs, travel, any costs incurred as a result of being away supposedly (not necessary in my opinion).
BUT if he wanted to know how much water, electric, gas, council tax, rent, food, cleaning products, toiletries etc cost HE COULD HAVE ASKED! He didn't even necessary need to ask you! He could've looked up averages for your area online (I believe zoopla holds data on average running costs by postcode) or even asked his mum what her costs were to get an idea. And of course he could have asked you.
Then you could easily have sat down with him with copies of your bills or even bank statements to show him "here's what X y z costs" I agree with perhaps him not paying toward direct costs of your sons, but really there's no reason other than miserliness not to go at least halves on everything else.
"No - what he wants is for his nice cushy little number to continue" totally agree
Knittedfairies- oh I hope he works with mners! If he's even suggested his actions are at all acceptable I'm fairly confident they'd put him straight!
And frankly - if his life in the marines was so great why did he leave? Or did he not have a choice?
I'd actually be tempted to send one last text - "this is me doing you a genuine favour. Ask your mum how much it REALLY Costs to have you living with her - and pay it! Also get your own place and learn to be an adult with adult responsibilities for bills & maintaining a home"
"Fuck that. Don't underestimate what it takes to be a 100% lone parent who works full time and is totally self sufficient." AbsoBLOODYlutely