He's not controlling in other ways. At all. He's a bit old-fashioned - brought up with mum as a housewife and dad as the breadwinner. Mum was expected to do all the housework etc.
It took him a few months to get used to me working longer hours than him and earning more. Also took him a while to get into the not coming home to having dinner on the table and sandwiches made for the following day. The usual settling into living with someone else who doesn't fit in with your normal family ways spats.
But we fit well, he doesn't control, shares finances now he earns more, is a walking wallet for my daughter (who he treats as his own - her own dad has never had anything to do with her).
And now for the bit you're not going to like. I have sex, sometimes when I don't feel like it. But he has sex sometimes when he doesn't really feel like it (if not intercourse then, foreplay and masturbation).
After the controlling, violent shit I went through with me EXH, I feel safe and happy with my DH. We both have differences of opinions but we work it out and there's give-and-take.
I don't believe a partner having an upper hand in a marriage. I've reacted to his concerns and heard his opinions, as he has mine. He has completely different life-experiences to me and I like to take advantage of them, as I would with anyone else's experiences.
It's good to see from another point of view at times. He told me about the perve in work, I wasn't that comfortable with bfing in public anyway (20 odd years ago), so I didn't. If I'd been comfortable, I would have - but I'd still have listened to his concerns and talked about it. I wouldn't have stomped all over his opinion, like he never stomps on mine.
I'm sorry for the over-use of the perve word. I can't think of any of name for blokes that remind me of my EXH.