to not 'cover up' when breastfeeding even though DH wants me to?

[PizzaPlanet2]

My opinion: Nobody cares about seeing a flash of nipple (and if they do they're idiots) and I shouldn't have to sit with a muslin or blanket over my baby's head. It's just a boob...

DH opinion: it's not appropriate for anyone to see my boob. Thinks I should cover up and nobody has any business seeing my nipple.

WIBU to ignore his opinion and just do what I want? I don't see why I have to cover up and faff with muslins etc.

Opinions?

Argh!!!! Typo!! Muslin. Put muslin over husband’s head. hangs head in shame

Do whatever you need to do to make feeding the most stress-free experience possible. If that involves putting a sack over DH's head - well, we all have to make sacrifices.

Now im wondering how people ‘make a show’ of breastfeeding?

Wouldn't have worked for me, mine don't like having anything on their heads! In fact it could draw attention as they pull things off while unlatching and shouting.

Your DH needs to get over himself, it's a boob, breastfeeding makes many people so uncomfortable that they refuse to look at you and therefore they won't see anything.

Why does your husband think you need or want his input into what you do or don't do with your breasts? Did you ask for his opinion? No, thought not.

Additionally...

My friend told me a story about how she was out with husband and baby, feeding baby discreetly (as you can with a wriggly baby).
A random stranger complained to her that she should be covered up and her husband did nothing. Didn’t back her up, didn’t say a word.
I don’t think men realise how difficult breastfeeding is, not all babies like to be covered. I’d hope he’d back you up in public even if he didn’t agree. It’s totally changed my opinion on my friends husband

It’s all so ridiculous.
I have never seen anyone who didn’t bf like me: quick unhooking and the baby hoes to the breast as you nudge your top up. Nobody sees any more of your breast than they would if you were wearing a low cut dress or a bikini.

So why the hell breastfeefimg in particular should attract perving, I don’t know.

It’s a squeamish, controlling neurotic obsession. Why would a baby’s father try and Shane a bf mother into covering up?

Shame, not Shane.

A random perv would be sorely disappointed if he thought he was going to get a thrill from being in the vicinity of a breastfeeding woman. He'd be lucky if he caught a glimpse of nipple for more than a couple of seconds.

Me and my husband were opposite! He wasn't bothered (albeit he knew I'd be discrete - I'm Not one to lay it all out bare in any situation ) and I was super wrapped up but I'm quite shy (very deeply hidden - most don't realise!) and I'm not a 'point maker' - I suspect most people who saw me under a pile of Muslin and blankets thought 'get over yourself'

Don't be brazen to make a point, just be a mum and feed your baby - your husband will get over it

He doesn't own your boobs.

Just keep acting as though you don't understand him and carry on :o

The first few times I breastfed in public with DH there he kept being anxious and suggesting we wait until we get to the car or trying to move to somewhere "more comfy" (or walking off with DS2) while I stood there with a perplexed expression. He's not at all posessive so I have no idea where this came from except that he's not from a breastfeeding family so perhaps it made him nervous?

I just started doing it at strategic times, like just starting a feed without consulting him in the 2 minutes when he was busy elsewhere as though it hadn't occurred to me to move (which it wouldn't have, if I hadn't been conscious of his reticence) or pointedly making a suggestion "I'll just use this display chair" (Oh no you might not be allowed - Well I won't be very long and they can always ask me to move if they're bothered).

After a couple of times he has seen that

• Nobody comes over in an angry mood and demands that we leave
• Nobody letches and stares
• Most of the time nobody pays us any attention at all

And he has relaxed about it and doesn't make any suggestions at all, just trusts my judgement about whether it's an appropriate place now.

im wondering how people ‘make a show’ of breastfeeding?

Some babies make it into a complete performance, slewing their heads round to the audience with their teeth stretching your nipple and a cheesy grin on their faces.

Some babies get wildly excited and make enthusiastic squeaky glugging noises while pounding you with their fists.

Mind you, good luck with getting a muslin to stay over their heads while they do it.

My husband was amazed how discreet I was in public. Used nursing bras that covered top of the boob so you really didnt see anything and we usually picked a table in a quiet corner. He just had to get used to it. After a bit he was fine

Does he realise you’re nourishing his baby? This is an act of unconditional love and a big thing in terms of resources (time, dedication, pain, sleep loss etc).

And all he can say is he doesn’t like your nipple being on show for a split second. I’d have a few choice words.

@lancelottie

Hahaha, that could be my 8mo at the moment.

Seriously though, previous posters have said all there is to say about the matter.

Except the person who implied that breastfeeding in public gives random perves a right to peer.

I think men get a hard time, on this topic. It must be difficult to view your wife's breasts as sexual, and then switch that off entirely once a baby comes along. And, I can see how he would be uncomfortable if you are sitting with your boobs out, in front of his mates. I think it depends on what you are actually doing? Are you trying to be discrete at all, or just whopping them out for all to see?

For context, I had a friend who (before children) openly would say, that her breasts were her best asset. She had a point, she was a 32E and could have been a lingerie model. When she had a baby, she would strip to the waist to breastfeed, so both boobs were out, meaning that the baby was on one boob, and the other boob was totally bare. Men looked. She knew it. And liked it. She even pulled this shit in restaurants. Now I'm sorry, but that really irked me.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying, is that surely there is a middle ground. You can surely be discrete.

If anyone was trying to perve over my red half gummed nipples I would worry for them.

Your husband is an adult I assume. He needs to bloody act like one.

DD had an apron for a long while, she wouldn't go for it now. Any muslin has to be held in place by me, she thinks it's something to grab and wave around while feeding. She's also a pause, turn head, have a nosey, then back to boob feeder.

Still her head covers most of me, and any top bit exposed is no more than a strappy top or swimwear. When she swivels round I just cover the nipple with my hand (also in case of spray)

Strip to the waist to breastfeed with both boobs out?

I find that hard to believe.

Was the non feeding boob not dripping milk?

My DH was a bit twitchy about me bfing in public. To be fair although I tried to brazen it out, so was I.

It wasn't that DH was thinking about men perving on me, it was that he was worrying that other people (not just men) would feel awkward and not know where to look so that they didn't either get accused of perving or of not being supportive of bfing by not acknowledging it.

Bfing rates have been so low for so many years it is a culture shift that will take time to adjust, if it ever does.

I used one of those aprons. It saved everyone else feeling uncomfortable. I breastfed everywhere. Including pubs sat with a load of hairy arsed builders who work for us. No one felt awkward seeing a flash of the bosses nips. Baby was fed when he needed it. DH went from feeling awkward and anxious to bragging that bfing was going so well, how easy it was for us, how it was best for ds blah blah blah.

We should be able to bf in public without a fuss or stares or being to made feel awkward. But my own personal feelings (and those of my dh) come above what's best for the cause.

I bf until ds was 18 mnths, ebf to 6 months and I don't think I could have done that without a cover.

Pmsl Husky, that's a pretty unusual approach.

Why is it always women who refer to women as 'whopping them out'? It's such a nasty turn of phrase.

Yanbu OP. He has a lot of growing up to do.

I never understand why people claim they don't know where to look when someone is breastfeeding. You've got the whole room to look at, FFS. And if you're talking to them, what's wrong with looking at their face?

Oh another women who strips to the waist to BF in restaurants. Quite a few of those on MN apparently.