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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not 'cover up' when breastfeeding even though DH wants me to?

153 replies

PizzaPlanet2 · 11/11/2018 09:20

My opinion: Nobody cares about seeing a flash of nipple (and if they do they're idiots) and I shouldn't have to sit with a muslin or blanket over my baby's head. It's just a boob...

DH opinion: it's not appropriate for anyone to see my boob. Thinks I should cover up and nobody has any business seeing my nipple.

WIBU to ignore his opinion and just do what I want? I don't see why I have to cover up and faff with muslins etc.

Opinions?

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 11/11/2018 14:54

I have never ever seen any of these exhibitionist breast feeders. I have never really noticed anyone breastfeeding in public, you can't really tell if they are feeding or cuddling.
Perhaps I am not paying attention enough.

They are very rare, and you’d know if you’d seen one. I was in a cafe, bf in a corner. Woman came in, loudly. Sat bang in the middle of the cafe. Undid her top to let the boobs out then organised herself, muslins, told her friend her order, bag, purse on table, all with the boobs out. Got baby out of the buggy, sat and had a chat with it (about 10m old) before putting them to the breast. Obviously only one breast, the other was also uncovered. Once child had finished again big palaver putting child back in buggy, cleaning up, talking to friend, before doing her top back up. So both boobs were out for about 15 mins, child fed for about 5.

She would have drawn notice anyway, one of those people who stride about like they are very important.

disappointedyetagain · 11/11/2018 14:59

Long-time poster here, but first time posting on a BF thread.

My EXH was breast-obsessed. I was groomed and abused by him at a very young age and have scarring on my breasts from him.

I bf my daughter, but never in public. My EXH had the attitude that my breasts were his and only allowed me to BF for 6 months.

I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour when the penny FINALLY dropped that his behaviour was definitely not normal and my daughter and I were suffering because of it.

For those who say that men don't perve over breastfeeding women, you're very wrong. Some do.

The next time you bf in a cafe, just do a quick check around for an average-looking bloke reading a newspaper closely. Especially if there's a small hole in it.

I didn't specifically state this as one of his many unreasonable behaviours, but it was. I was shocked, horrified and disgusted when I realised this was what he was doing on his days off. He denied it obviously, but I had a friend go through his computer where he found breast-feeding/lactating porn. He also had videos from his phone on there that he'd clearly taken through the paper hole.

And, yes, exhibition bf is a thing, too. My EXH loved my friend came over - small A cup, but never wore a bra and loved wearing thin t-shirts. She became one of those flashing feeders. I stopped seeing her when I divorced as she thought I was being unreasonable divorcing him!

The world is full of weirdos of both sexes.

Sparklingbrook · 11/11/2018 14:59

I need to start going to new places. Never seen an exhibitionist breast feeder, nor an argument about parking spaces or shenanigans on a bus.

crispysausagerolls · 11/11/2018 15:11

If I’m not wearing one of those magical breastfeeding tops where you just pop the nipple through a hole, I sling a muslin over the large portion of breast/skin on show (currently a 34FF) - definitely NOT over my DS. I feel entitled to feed wherever and whenever I like, but I also don’t seek to make anyone feel uncomfortable, it isn’t necessary.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 15:18

@Husky I completely believe you. I myself like to take my bra and top off too. Sometimes I just get completely naked from the socks up and shoogle my breasts around.

I think the shoogling is good for my baby's hand eye coordination.

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 15:21

Actually, I used to put a tassel on the nipple not currently in service. It served a dual purpose of entertaining the watching multitudes (women's breasts are public property, after all) and being a handy reminder of which side I had fed from first.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 15:23

@Bertrand you can get them that spin and light up

Pumperthepumper · 11/11/2018 15:27

They are very rare, and you’d know if you’d seen one. I was in a cafe, bf in a corner. Woman came in, loudly. Sat bang in the middle of the cafe. Undid her top to let the boobs out then organised herself, muslins, told her friend her order, bag, purse on table, all with the boobs out. Got baby out of the buggy, sat and had a chat with it (about 10m old) before putting them to the breast. Obviously only one breast, the other was also uncovered. Once child had finished again big palaver putting child back in buggy, cleaning up, talking to friend, before doing her top back up. So both boobs were out for about 15 mins, child fed for about 5.

Also bollocks. Although I wish it was true, I wish we were all this comfortable breastfeeding in public. Then maybe women would be able to make a proper choice about who they’re covering up for.

EwItsAHooman · 11/11/2018 15:30

I flop mine out with such vigour and flourish that I sometimes accidentally tit-slap people at neighbouring tables. I try really hard not to whomp or whap them out any more after I did exactly that in Costa and broke the table we were sitting at karate-chop style. It almost got us barred but thankfully I let all the perves in there have a good old leer so the manager let me off with a warning instead.

Top tip: save time on completely stripping off to do a feed by simply leaving the house naked every morning. Makes feeding so much easier because you can latch the baby on anytime, anywhere, with no faffing.

PizzaPlanet2 · 11/11/2018 15:30

I wish we were all this comfortable breastfeeding in public. Then maybe women would be able to make a proper choice about who they’re covering up for

Thank you 🙏🏽

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 11/11/2018 15:30

Exhibitionist breastfeeding? Pics or it didn't happen.

LaBelleSauvage · 11/11/2018 15:37

EwItsAHooman that's a top tip thanks

Ollivander84 · 11/11/2018 15:40

I don't have DC and I don't really bother what people do. I've noticed one woman BF, and that's because she was sat next to me
Never noticed anyone else and I'm pretty sure that's because they were just doing t, not because I live in some strange place where nobody BF!

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 15:46

And the chatty cafe lady was not only waving her boobs about- she was.....gasp..... feeding a 10 month old!.........

Pumperthepumper · 11/11/2018 16:01

Luckily the 32E woman got her just deserts by AGING (unseeemly for a woman) AND as an extra dose of karma lost her lingerie-model 32Es to...you’ll never believe it....breastfeeding! So all’s well that ends well.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/11/2018 16:24

I don't think I'm a very discreet breastfeeder - I don't use a muslin, or special nursing clothes, and DH has developed a charming habit of pulling on and off while shouting to attract maximum attention. Nonetheless when I was feeding him in M&S cafe the other day two separate women came up to admire him and then said 'oh he's eating, I thought he was asleep!'. From this I conclude that you have to achieve some pretty extreme (/clearly fictional) levels of ostentatious breastfeeding before it actually gets attention, let alone seeks it.

PizzaPlanet2 · 11/11/2018 16:27

You breastfeed your husband @LisaSimpsonsbff ? 😜

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/11/2018 16:31

Argh, I didn't notice that! Should have been DS... I will concede that breastfeeding a 32 year old would indeed be attention seeking (and about as common as someone stripping to the waist to feed...). Plus, random women in M&S never admire DH.

bigbuttnheels · 11/11/2018 18:09

Just point out to him that no one is able to see the nipple during actual feeding...

ToPlanZ · 11/11/2018 18:55

Why does no one on MN believe that some women uncover more than others when breast feeding? An old old friend of mine likes to fully unbutton and have both boobs out. It's hardly exhibitionism she's being a mum, feeding her baby and finds that way right for her. Surely it's a bit puritanical to deny the existence of women comfortable enough with breast feeding to not be swathed in extraneous material?

EwItsAHooman · 11/11/2018 19:54

Because those women are the exception rather than the norm yet stories about "my friend who gets naked to feed" are always trotted out as 'proof' that exhibitionism is part of breastfeeding. The stories are never positive, they're always retold with an air of scorn about it being show-off behaviour.

Pumperthepumper · 11/11/2018 20:01

Exactly Ew ...and also they always do it ‘in the middle’ of a cafe or restaurant. And for the male gaze.

Ohb0llocks · 11/11/2018 20:02

@LaBelleSauvage shoogling is my new favourite word. I'm always shoogling them about

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/11/2018 20:12

I’ve neve witnessed exhibitionist feeding. I do know some women become desensitised and forget about showing boob. I’ve seen the odd woman sit there having a full blown conversation for a fair while after the baby has finished feeding.

KewQueue
I used to feed from lowish cut tops the majority of the time. I have smallish breasts so not much to pull out. I was pretty discreet and I wore breastfeeding bras.

Huskylover1 · 14/11/2018 14:57

disappointedyetagain That is horrendous Flowers

It's so weird how people don't believe that something has happened, unless they see if with their own eyes. Confused

It's like thinking that murderers don't exist, just because you wouldn't dream of murdering someone.

Off topic (ish), but I also worked with a woman, who turned up to a works night out, with a mesh top on, and no bra underneath. Very tiny boobs, but nipples were poked through the mesh. I shit you not. And in that very British way, nobody said a word. She knew what she was doing. Some people just are like that.

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