AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

@pennyarcade
Bet your child is picked for everything??
Every child should have a chance to shine!!

If you don’t like it, go and see the head.

I did.

Last year.

Been fantastic since. So inclusive. The way they avoid giving the same kid the main role all the time is to have so many roles. It’s fab.

For those who say that it would not provide a very good show for the audience if they picked the shy ones completely misunderstand what primary school is about. It is about nurturing hidden talents and developing all children. Picking the shy kid for just one line might just do that.

I teach secondary. It is heart breaking to see those who have clearly labelled themselves as the ‘won’t bother as I’m not the right type’. It is really hard to undo that.

There are 15 girls in DDs class. 12 are the confident type. It is ridiculous to say that one or two should always get it. That is the point I made last year (very nicely but very firmly).

Try it. Make an appointment. What’s the worst that can happen? Just don’t make it about your child. Make it about all the children.

As a secondary school teacher, you can spot the primary favourites a mile off. They're normally cute looking, but with an entitled attitude and a desire to be the centre of attention - calling out, outraged if you ignore them.
I send home a 'Star of the week' postcard for one student in each of the 6 classes I teach. I often pick a quiet kid who never speaks up in class but just quietly gets on with their work without a fuss. They are always thrilled that somebody has noticed them.

The only way your guaranteed to get your child a part in our school is to join the pta. Those kids get everything. Their parents also get reserved seats in the front row

Not true. I’ve been on the PTA for years. My child never gets those things (it’s always the same two or three and has been since they started) and I’ve never got reserved seats either

My DD went for an autition for a senior dancer in with the local panto society. She's always been a reasonably graceful mover and has had lessons since 3 years. She was overlooked for children who were on the tubby side and seemed to have the grace of an elephant. Turns out their parents were in leading roles. I really don't know why they bothered with auditions.

I think our dcs go to same school @bonfireheart! Yup same girl for everything and her bloody parents moan if she doesn’t get chosen! And I mean going into school to complain not just bitching in playground. Only child syndrome me thinks!!

But do bear in mind that when you need someone who can be relied upon to turn up on time, have the right equipment , learn the lines and deliver them well, sometimes there aren't many to choose from!

Yep, found this at dc’s school too. Teacher’s kids and PTA kids always got priority with everything..
Remember when dd2 started school, children started first day in small groups 1/2 apart. Dd started same time as PTA chairman’s dc. Teacher asked all 4 children and their parents to come in, then spent next 20 minutes chatting to chairman and dc making sure she was happy. Other 3 were ignored. I eventually went up and said I was leaving and they just looked at me as if to say what a cheek I had interrupting them. Other 2 mother’s left as well without the teacher speaking to them either. That was just the start and it’s still the same.

Schools can be unfair places and I’d raise it with them if I were you. I had to do the same with my dd, I had the same problem with my dd constantly being overlooked for the weekly recognition awards. I kept a record of the school awards given out each week and brought it in to dd’s teacher. The following week amazingly dd won an award!! Sometimes schools need it pointed out to them when they’re making children feel left out.

It is the same everywhere sadly. I find it to generally be the children of parents that are school governors or the ones that are always sneaking in to have a 'chat' with the teacher/HT about some problem that their child has developed. Partly, selecting these childen gets the parent off their backs.
After 7 years of doing the primary school thing and I'm still going, I have worked out that you need to begin to make a bit of fuss ie not do homework, forget stuff, wear the wrong uniform, start not paying for things or attend PTA events. Your child seems to suddenly get noticed, it's cheaper for you and it's your own fingers up to them really 😄

Maybe pta “reserve” front row because they get there early and set everything up?

olbndansmummy I'm sorry but I object to your comment. I have an only child and I would never behave like that. I see parents who think their child is entitled to everything but they all have more than one child.

My DF was the Chairman of the PTA when I was at school. I don’t think I got any special favours apart from being allowed to present a bunch of flowers to the wife of the celeb who opened the school fete.

Having said that I did win every prize for the projects I did in my last year at primary school. I did work extremely hard though and still have the plastic rose brooch I won for my project on water.

Had a parent moan that their child hadn't had Star of the Week recently. It's only November and in a class of 30 , why do they think their child should have been selected above others?

I disagree that it is the 'only child' syndrome. Most of the single child families I encounter are the easiest to deal with.
Children themselves understand, it's the parents that cause most of the issues.

I'm so sorry not to have read the whole thread but just wanted to say this used to drive me MAD at dd's school. It was one of the same three - 2 girls and 1 boy - who got the lead roles on rotation. It was so cringe. Even the leaving play was the same. My dd never had a single talking part EVER.

The tragic thing is that she's shy but she longs to be an actress (she's now 16). Because of the lack of opportunity and encouragement, she's never taken drama classes and so now just sees it as having been a pointless dream. I find it unbelievable really. She was very good at English and yet the teachers all encouraged the kids who weren't good at English. Which is right. But they didn't encourage the ones who were shy to get better at drama.

I remain convinced to this day that parents attending would rather see a range of kids on the stage, the totally self-conscious ones and the star struck ones. It seems so much more real.

Please don’t tar all schools with the same brush. All our children have speaking parts in every school play. I write the play so that the lines are accessible to each child. Anyone who wants to sing a solo gets one, even if it’s only one line. School council is democratically voted on by the children. Adults have a vote too but it is democratic. All children play in sports events. We work hard to ensure they all have equal opportunities. Why is this important to me? My DD never ever had a speaking or singing part at school and neither did I. She had gd 6 violin and was a church chorister but she was quiet and unassuming. I got cross but left her there, knowing her time would come. It did. She is a teacher now and she ensures equality too. I moved my other DD to my school and she loved all the productions and opportunities. I would speak to the HT and say politely that you have noticed it’s always the same children. Might make a difference. If not look around x

I can only comment on the 6 schools that, between them, my children have attended.

Yup - same thing in every school . 100%. Every time.

I don’t do star of the week for this exact reason. Kids shouldn’t need extrinsic rewards to feel good about themselves. This comes from working hard and learning new things and having genuine, specific praise for their efforts imo.

Sadly, this sort of thing has been going on for decades...I went to school in the 70s and 80s and my friend was ‘chosen’ for absolutely everything. From primary all the way through to Senior school. She was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, she was also Carnival Queen, chosen to represent the school many times and was good at everything and I mean everything. There are always the chosen few.

Same child picked for everything in dd's primary school, child of pta member, yes. Very confident (arrogant?) And capable but so were many others in her year. But at high school so far, said child has been picked for nothing, and overlooked children from her old school are being picked and doing a great job showing they were capable all along. Such a shame at primary school...

This is why I'm convinced that lids should join other activity groups outside the school and make a fresh start.

Whether its sport, acting, cadets, scouts. It gives skills, experience, confidence, and they can be assessed on their ability rather than background.

I remember at my school a very keen lad was never allowed to open the batting in cricket matches, and was told it was because he wasn't good enough.

He was in a youth team for an outside club as well, and went on to play for England.

amkin it could be that some children bloom later than others and only come into their own at secondary.

I found this to be the case throughout the entirety of my eldest’s school career. He’s so relieved to be out of that environment now he’s at college and there are no longer “favourites”.

Dd has started complaining about this. Also in yr6. The same child was picked 3 years in the trot to be school councillor. Dd told me she was going round telling everyone to vote for her. The same girl gets leading roles in the play. Ditto another girl, who’s also always picked. Dd does lots of out of school activities. It helps.