AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

I used to feel like this a lot with both my DC. I felt that it would have helped if the teachers had conferred year on year to check who got the lead parts so they didn't always pick the same most confident children .

A friend and I hatched a plot to get our kids to steal the show and take a long time to die in their play year 3 play - but they wouldn't!

However in year 6 both my kids got lead parts in the end of year production and it felt like finally the nicer not so precocious kids got a chance. It was a nice re-balance.

I agree the most popular chosen ones fade in secondary school - maybe it's hard to just be one of the masses.

Ugh, I know this exact girl

I’ve experienced this from both sides - DS1 was a shy, easily distracted boy with a short attention span and never got picked for anything. DS2 was confident, articulate and had an amazing memory. He’s been the pick for everything throughout his whole school life.

I think the increased class sizes we have now mean that teachers have to do so much more with so much less resources that they simply can’t spare the time and attention to nurture those kids who need it most. They make the easier choice and pick the kids they know can do the job with minimal supervision and support. It’s a broken, crappy system but they have to work with what they have.

Yes I hear you OP and it is a problem. There are lots of kids who deserve a chance to shine but I think over-stretched teachers just go for the more obvious tried and tested kids.

My child has had a main role two years (out of six). I am not in the PTA, and am barely at the school gates. She never wins sports day or gets picked for dance or gym festivals. Drama is just her thing. She rehearsed for hours the day before the audition. That doesn't make her a diva or me a pushy parent. I go red if I am asked a question in a meeting and hate public speaking.

My other child, we were lucky to get in the shepherd outfit. We are kindred introverts.

I too have seen both sides of this. Throughout infant school, there was a precocious, over confident theatre school child, who was a daughter of the PTA chair, very much clones of each other. And she was chosen for pretty much...everything. She even left with such a sickeningly over enthusiastic school report at the end of year 2, her mother proudly read it out to everyone on the playground.
Fast forward a few years, and this child is now a much smaller fish in a bigger, less influential pond, and everything has changed. Most of the school representative choices are competition based, and let’s just say..my shy little girl is finally doing rather well

I have worked in two primary schools, in both it has been the most precocious kids with incredibly pushy parents that get chosen for everything. It is incredibly frustrating and unfair. A shy child in reception is never going to grow in confidence if they are continually overlooked in favour of a pushy child.
To dislike the unfairness of this situation doesn’t make someone jealous, I would choose my child to be shy over precocious every time.

Never mind. In real life ( after school) your DC will be recognised. My DD got the top mark in history and they gave a prize to a ‘tries hard’ candidate. She did not mind while I was incandescent. It isn’t important.

I say this and I’m a retired teacher! School really isn’t real life.

In DS2 primary school the same boy was picked as the lead every year for the school play right from reception to yr6. He was so quiet no one could ever hear him. None of the other children ever got the parts they wanted and when they asked to swap with eachother they were never allowed. Some parents queried it but school always just shrugged

I often wonder why schools go for the type of production which have a couple of leads and not much else. Particularly at primary age the best productions I've seen have been the ones with lots of roles, so no-one has to learn a ridiculous number of lines and lots of children get the chance to have a go.
Last year DS's school did do one where there were just a few leads, but rotated them at each scene change. There were really huge obvious props, so it remained obvious who was who, but each of the actors only did one song for their role. Sounds awful written down, but it worked brilliantly in practice, no-one fluffed any lines, as none of them had more than they could manage.
I wish more schools would be a bit more inventive, as there are ways of giving a wider range of children a chance without ruining it for the audience.

It isn't the girl's fault. It's the school's.

It's always the PTA parents, school governors and TAs kids at our school. The school doesn't even try to disguise it! My eyes just roll out of my head each week when I read the newsletter highlighting "stars of the week" etc - same names every time. I've thought about compiling a spreadsheet to prove it but my dd is leaving next year anyway, and it would seem petty on my part!

@TooManyBooksTooLittleTime

When I was in primary, many moons ago, the junior part of the school put on a production of Oliver Twist. Each class did a different song and scene, swapping out the leads throughout. Worked brilliantly. I was the Artful Dodger. Great fun! I was told I was amazing by the head of school governors. I was 9. One of my best school memories.

Another year, unfortunately, they decided to do a big carol concert. I had quite a loud little voice but had been praised outside school for good projection. I loved singing. During rehearsals I was dragged out of the class and told I would ruin the school production. I was put with the orchestra, but I didn't play an instrument so I was put with the severely disabled children in the special needs class and told to play a triangle. I was 8. Scared me for life.

Teacher's really need to think of the lasting impact choices around school plays etc. make.

Teacher22, my dd is bright and hardworking and just gets on with school life....needless to say she very rarely comes home with any type of certificate for "good lunch time behaviour"/"achiever of the week" etc etc but I understand the flipside is that these are given out more to the less motivated or less academic pupils who need the extra boost.

The main speaking part at the christmas play has been given to the class bully at my children's school. The child that has caused hell to my child for years. Given the pain the child has cause mine, and the complaints I have raised and subsequent stress to my child (and the rest of the family)- I don't want to go. It feels like a slap in the face... and rewarding the wrong behaviour. but hey ho.

I remember this from my own childhood but thankfully not the case in my DCs, I assumed times had changed.
They do a KS1 and KS2 play every Christmas with the oldest class having all the parts (a couple of lines for each child) and the younger ones doing songs and dances.
For awards each child is singled out at some point during the year and recognised for their achievement, be it sporty, accedemic, being kind etc.
Then in y6 each child takes a role within school, head girl etc, not sure how they find 30 odd jobs but they do.

Alpha female maybe? I have accepted the fact that my child is a Beta. Could be the same with you perhaps. Don't fret your child is still a player, just in a different strata.

don't think it's about favouritism. The school wants to put on the best play

So much for 'inclusion' and 'every child matters' and 'everyone is equal and will be treated fairly'?

Every child matters until the school wants to shine for their own 'awards'

I think some kids just attract it. Dds friend is like this she is always picked for everything praise rains down. Teacher after teacher adores her. I can see why tbh but we eye roll abit.

Can I defend teachers kids - having a parent teach at your school particularly secondary is truly truly dire and mortifying for most normal teens. Any minor upside is not worth it.

One particular girl was unkind to dd for years. We had to see the teacher about it. Come nativity dd was Mary and unkind girl was her donkey. We bought the professional picture and get it out every Christmas to snigger at the karma

Not at primary achool though MsTSwift my son left primary school in the summer he had the misfortune ro be in the same class as the Deputy heads daughter and one of the teaching assistants son both kids were picked time and time again and both had a starring role in the end of uear six production cant be a coincidence surely? Hes much happier now hes at secondary school hes fimally coming out of himself

We had this at school so explicitly turned our energy into enrolling dc into activities outside of school. Enrolled them at Stage Coach to gain confidence and a couple of sports clubs. Turns out he can swim for his town club not never picked to represent school dispite having faster times than children chosen to represent school. Child chosen to represent school in his age group beaten into fifth place and two children ahead of him regularly beat by dc. But TA's child must be picked as needs confidence boost according to class teacher.when dc won a gala event I innocently sent in photo with medal, and asked if school wanted to put it in school magazine. I also sent in names of kids who came second and third. Same ones who beat schools representative. Dc was selected following year.

Happens in most schools. Even happened in our school which is a very small, almost family like set up - 142 on the roll when we were there.

There was lots of moaning about it, however everyone in year 6 (19 in DD's year) always had a speaking part in the end if year play so parents didn't really say anything to the school. Looking back, we should have said something as lots of the other children used to get upset - whether it was about the end of year school play, the Christmas production, choir, school council etc etc.

in yr 6 DD wanted to audition for Alice but said 'what's the point, we all know which 2 girls will get it' so she went for the Queen of Hearts instead. She was amazing, wowed everyone and afterwards the staff involved asked why she hadn't auditioned for Alice... I really had to bite my tongue!!!

And in response to the PTA bashing going on - the reason they are always front row is because they volunteer time and energy without which these events wouldn't take place. When everyone arrives to take their seats, most of the PTA have been there for hours helping with setting up (and they stay it help clear up too). They've planned events all year to raise funds to pay for the costumes, programmes lighting, PA system etc. Being on the PTA is a mostly thankless, stressful, time consuming commitment AND those who don't join usually bitch about how cliquey the PTA are. At the very least when they're there setting up the least they should be able to do is save seats in the front row.

Yet another OP “hit and run” thread.

With all this preferential treatment they get you'd think there would be queues of people desperate to do PTA stuff. Instead of the same 3 folding raffle tickets and wrapping presents from Father Christmas and making the tea......