AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

amkin it could be that some children bloom later than others and only come into their own at secondary

If that ONE child wasn't in that class/year group than another child would have to be chosen -

So why isn't it shared more fairly

For example if you have a child that struggles with instruction, then that child needs practise - they aren't going to get it if the teacher always chooses reliable Kate.
Same as if Kate answers all the maths questions then the atrugglinglh child doesn't bother - because he's never asked

Hmm, I’m involved with the PTA and at the last school play we were enthusiastically cheering Villager 8... It doesn’t always follow! But DD is quiet, reserved and easy to overlook. I worry for her.

I’d have a word. Or if you want to be very direct and name names, put an anonymous note in the suggestion box!

I haven't read all the posts, I switched off due to all the negativity

Our son was picked for most of the roles throughout primary school. Leading roles in plays, team captain, pupil parliament etc etc
Both me and my partner would both be very proud but also a little embarrassed that yet again our son was picked. We are not pushy parents, but for some reason he has the confidence to stand on stage, face all the parents on school play night and deliver his lines confidently with dramatic conviction without faltering. Me nor my partner has that kind of confidence, so we are at a loss where it comes from. Our son has just started secondary and again has already been put forward for various roles.
It isn't our fault and nor is it his fault.

He was put into full time nursery from 3 moths old 8am-6pm 5 days, pw, has done numerous after school activities as well. I suspect it's a combination of both of these. However he is popular and has a very wide circle of friends from either schooling or sports.

At my DCs' school it's the governors' children. Every time.

Same at my son's school. When he started in reception (now yr1) he asked if he could take his very rare pet in. Teachers said they would sort it out and it sounds lovely and interesting. Nothing ever came of it. Next thing, the child who gets picked for everything and who's mum gets picked to help on all the school trips got to take their pet in!

I haven't read all the posts, I switched off due to all the negativity

But you want everyone else to read your post mrcharlie ? You won't mind that I switched off when I sensed a stealth boast.

Its a life lesson though really- this will continue to happen- some kids excel, whether through their own efforts or luck, and some dont. Just like every workforce they are ever going to join. Participation medals and everyone waiting quietly for their turn, sadly, isn't what we have as adults. The best person (or the most popular, or loudest) gets the promotion, gets the opportunities. Sounds utterly negative, I know. But it's not worth getting bitter over. The school isnt stupid. They see it's the same kids every time. They just don't care.

@Everyoneiswingingit
It wasn't a boast at all, as I say we are both at a loss. But I wanted to quash this idea that it somehow involved brown nosing school teachers.

@mrcharlie
Wow, bore off... ..bet you’re popular as your DS too?

Well maybe others weren't being negative, just expressing their opinion and their experience and they are also at a loss!

@pennyarcade
Bet your child is picked for everything??
Every child should have a chance to shine!!

I've already said my dd attends am dram classes twice a week. She also dances and sings and has done since 3 years old. She is now 16. Yes she was always picked for a main role for the school productions. She refused to perform the main roles, preferring to either sing in the choir or be a sheep.

She played her first lead role in year 2 - "The Upsy Daisy Angel" Following that experience her friends were no longer allowed to have her over their houses to play, their parents all thought their dd's should have been the lead, and they little sneered at her at pick up time. Since then she refused to play lead role in school productions. She gets her time, on stage, outside school.

She has never made the sports team, never had a Headteachers Award, never been on school Council, never been a prefect. She was picked for ECO Council once but didn't want the role. She found out at an early age that kids ostracised anyone who were given 'important roles'.

Eldest son was in the school rugby team. Never picked for anything else.

My other 2 weren't picked for anything, ever. One brought home a "Good Work" sticker a few times. Probably because he was very lazy and didn't usually put much effort into his work.

Whereas his sister was very meticulous with her work, always got the right answer. Always had a glowing report....but nope, never had a sticker or award. She wouldn't have coped with speaking in a primary school concert. She found her confidence in year 9 secondary school. She still preferred to work backstage.

I keep a list and make sure I mix it up so different children get 'things'. Performance parts are sometimes tricky - some kids don't want them for example, some kids naturally gifted, but I try and at least offer the option.

@penny arcade

Are you for real? A running commentary of your whole family, really??!

We always held auditions for our primary school productions, so all children had an equal chance of getting the part they wanted. They knew we were looking for loud clear voices and did their best. Everyone who wanted a speaking part got one but main parts were awarded to the children who could carry it off but we tried not to give the same children lead roles year after year. They understood why they didn’t get the main role and probably were relieved not to have the responsibility but some parents found it hard to accept that their child was not the star of the show. The parents position in the PTA never came into the decision making process.

In my DD's primary school it was always the same child, the one with the pushy parents and the temper tantrum according to the other children!
Parents always told everyone that their child was "gifted & talented" and needed the extra stimulation. Sadly the school played along and even told me once DD wasn't chosen for a speaking part because her voice wasn't loud enough.
At secondary school now ... and not so special any more.

The only way your guaranteed to get your child a part in our school is to join the pta

At our school pta kids never get anything, and no one I know joined the pta for that reason anyway.

OP I reckon it’s the same in every school, my son just left Primary in the summer and there were 3 events parents got invited to and the same kid had the main part in all of them. Nice enough kid but there are others who’d have been able to do it too! My son was a pretty perfect pupil, kind, caring, clever, hardworking and always put himself up for groups/committees/activities an never got anything. It’s really affected his self confidence tbh.

And I spent 7 years in the PTA and never got any special privileges because of it. I hate it when that line gets trotted out on these threads because I don't believe it is the norm.

Completely agree with this, I spent years on our PTA organising the biggest fundraiser of the year etc....I never asked for any special privileges and never received any. I am appalled to hear that this actually goes on in schools these days like we are back to the 1970s. And I do suspect that sometimes it is a line that is trotted out.

However I do agree that sometimes it is the teacher's favourite pupils who get the roles. I suspect this might happen in smaller schools where there are less staff involved in the play production, so whatever the lead teacher says, there are not so many other teachers to argue the point?

*@penny arcade

Are you for real? A running commentary of your whole family, really??!*

I was asked lol! With 4 kids I couldn't say a simple yes or no. Not all children have the same experiences or achievements 🙄

This has continued at secondary IME. Son's friend's mum is assistant head. Despite being a rather quiet and very average child, always gets picked for the school council, sports teams, wins sports boy of the year, has leading parts in the production and is on the school council. Most blatantly, and unsurprisingly following in the footsteps of his older brother, he is now one of 8 out of almost 200 15 year old to be chosen as senior prefect.

@Sussedyouout

If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

At our kids’ school, school council reps etc are voted for by the children - the staff have no influence. I’ve not seen the same children be voted in year-on-year. We really like that it’s peer choice/vote. Two of our three have had council rep roles, our middle one has never been interested in putting his name forward.

@pennyarcade
@mrcharlie

Get a grip!

We used to call our daughter the invisible child. He wasn’t chosen for anything. Always the same kiddie all the time. For the school class show all us mums used to call it the “ Clara“ ( not correct name) show cos we knew she would be lead and she always was. It was the same in the sports always the same kids chosen. My daughter is a gifted athlete and attends compétions etc outside of school but was never picked for sports. I did mention it in year 3 when other parents brought it up as to why. But I was dismissed by the teacher. So I left it and my daughter carried on excelling outside school. By year 6 some of the kids told the teacher and finally she was chosen. She absolutely stole the event. Winning everything and to see the look on the teacher face 👌. The sad thing was other children were crying as they had expected to win as they had for the last few years. I had so many comments as to why she hadn’t compted before !! If anything it helped my daughter. She never got cocky and just knuckled down.
So yes it happens in all schools sadly. Sad but it does.

Here we go again. This gets raised on MN about twice a month. - yep.

When I was at school the kids with the richest parents who donated most to the school always got all the parts, became prefects/head girl/boy etc etc.

At my DC's school every child gets a line consolation prize in every play... but - it's always the same child who is narrator/plays the main speaking part etc. It's so unfair on the others.

I don't think it's about favouritism. The school wants to put on the best play. They choose the children for roles that are most likely to suit them and that they are capable of.