AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

I am really aware of this now that DS is at school. He is shy, but loves the stage, is quite a pretty boy, megawatt smile, very academic, wants to be an actor. He gets picked for NOTHING. Seriously, it's madness, the lengths they seem to go to to leave him out. Outside of school, he's in a theatre group and does really well there, but in school, nope, always the same kids picked.

The thing that's weird for me is that when I was at school, I was totally the kid that got picked for everything - from age 5 to 18.

I wasn't a bonnie kid, and my parents were not handing out brown envelopes, but I was clever and I suppose not easily rattled. I hesitate to say confident, because that sounds like I was cocky. I wasn't. But I did wonder myself why I got picked for everything.

If it's any comfort to people, this status didn't follow me into the world of work - I get picked for nowt at work and have never been promoted, etc.

But any teachers reading this, I hope you know how ridiculous it is that confident kids get all the roles, and how much the shyer kids and their parents see you doing this and resent it hugely

It's to do with being sensible, learning lines etc Hmm I watched dd's school production last week. The girl playing the main part YET AGAIN forgot major parts of her lines and needed prompting several times. This was on top of mumbling the ones she knew. If she was wow at acting and singing fine. But actually she was mediocre and surrounded by lots of children in smaller roles trying really hard.

Perhaps, the ones who get chosen are the ones who can do it

So you switched from state to private? So we can assume that the drama department folded and no longer hold productions because your child left the school?

Please don't assume the parent has been "pulling strings", if you don't absolutely know for sure. It can get back to the child (I have known this happen). Also please don't take it out on the child or encourage your DCs to do so. They aren't the decision-maker and it's hurtful to be shunned for being given things to do, or to have it assumed that dubious "networking" by your parents must have been involved! But by all means, speak in confidence to the teachers about opportunities for everyone to have a go and be equally involved.

The OP isn’t assuming that a parent has been pulling strings or that it’s for nefarious reasons of the PTA. I would raise it with the school as sometimes they just haven’t realised that it’s always the same people, as is clear from some other posters’ comments where school policy changed. I always keep records of who has won prizes etc in my subject so that I can spread them around a bit (especially effort/improvement, as opposed to ability where it is generally the same people, unavoidably). I think similar could be done with junior school productions. And I speak as someone whose son would probably still not benefit, as he can be silly and isn’t a very actory child or skilled musically. It’s still boring seeing it be the same children every year, whether they are mine or not.

I remember how annoying it used to be to see the same children picked for everything. It does ease off a bit by secondary but the confidence damage is done by then.
Just a word on behalf of the PTA though - the reason they have to reserve seats is because they are busy serving drinks, taking tickets and helping your children right up until the concert starts. If they didn't reserve seats, they wouldn't get any.
There is many a concert at our school where we have been shopping to stock the bar, bought the snacks, set up the bar, got the float and been at the school humping furniture at least two hours before the "guests" arrive. We are still there when you have taken your children home, putting everything back and taking crateloads of glasses home to wash. Don't you think the PTA deserve a seat?

Perhaps, the ones who get chosen are the ones who can do it. But hey, shall we give everyone a week as PM and or a week as a CEO of a top ftse company. Probably not. They couldn't do it
Again. Yawn.
It's not a case of 'give it to the one child who is talented vs give it to a child who clearly isn't able to manage it'.

It's a case of 'be open to the fact that more than one child might actually be good'.

I did performing arts as a teen. Having a grade 8 in an instrument or 2 wasn't exceptional. Most people played 2 or 3. At least a dozen people i was friends with were doing national choirs, national youth theatre, professional contracts for shows. There were others who were as talented but weren't doing as many 'big' things because they had other hobbies or part time jobs or didn't fancy it. Funnily enough our performing arts group was able to give a range of roles to a range of talented teens who were hard working, reliable, polite, talented etc.

I teach in a school where we have lots of very talented children. Again, we manage not to have set kids who always get everything without compromising standards.

Ambereeree

I was TOBKIS too and was made to be Aladdin.
I feel your pain.

One of my children is the one who always gets picked. The other two aren't. I was really embarrassed for a bit, but another mother in the class pointed out to me that i shouldn't be embarrassed: he's ridiculously hardworking, self-motivated, reliable, trustworthy, and kind.
One of my others is the only child in the infants who has been told she isn't in the Nativity because she "won't cope." I'm gutted, but it's true, she would struggle with being on stage.

I am a school Governor and chair of the PTA. My ds and dd have both been through the school, both had mediocre parts really on the front row or selected for major speaking roles. Ds hates things like that but dd does a lot of dance, singing and drama outside of school so knows how to learn lines, sing and learn a dance.
Not just once have I ever had a seat saved for me (not even when I am invited in to watch other classes performances as a governor!!). I think some schools kiss up to certain parents mine certainly doesn't and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dd was in a performance with the school last week had one line in every scene she appeared in, was the lead in the dance and spent most of the performance on the middle or back row!
I am glad that they aren't singled out but can see how some (slightly more stereotypical PTA parents) might expect it to happen!!

Sorry that should say rarely not really!!

Same at our school
Really annoying

DD1, the perma-narrator I mentioned is usually just irked cos she'd much rather be one of the angels and get to rock tinsel on her head and sod the speaking part incidentally.

DD2 fell flat on her arse in a sheep onesie trying to show the Head her snazzy Christmas socks at the end of their nativity - neglected to ensure that she had any balance or that the supporting leg had got the memo of her future intentions before lifting one leg up to show!

There is a child in my daughters year who has been picked for everything since nursery- and I mean, everything! Competitions, head child, counsellor, trips and freebies. Always, always the same child. The child in question is not deprived and does very well academically. It annoys me that they are chosen repeatedly for a certain type of freebie that our school is lucky to be given, when there are plenty of deprived children in the school who may never get to experience that particular event. The child also is well aware that they win everything and when there’s is a competition they are sometimes embarrassed to enter it because they know they will win. My other DC in the school don’t seem to have this problem in their years so I don’t understand why it happens in my DDs year- the parents are not involved in the school at all either. I have a position on the PTA but can assure you my children don’t seem to get picked often- as stated my eldest DD is pretty much never picked and my youngest is gutted they have never received one of the weekly certificates even after two years in the school.

Yep! The governors daughter and the girl who’s mum works at the school. I’ve run two very successful PTA’s and it never got my kids any perks.

My daughter is in year 6 and we have the same conversation! My daughter only gets picked for things like football the popular 2 girls don't go in for!

Like this in every school.

To be fair I think the pta deserve reserved seating as there are no other privileges and the whole school benefits from their efforts. I say that as a pta member of many years and just after I left they got the reserved seating and free disco entry. I don't agree with the free disco entry

Yep, had this, same two children picked for main roles in every single school play and performance, DD loves singing and acting and was disappointed every time so slowly lost her confidence ☹️

I’m remembering getting a bollocking in primary school when I was about 8 for innocently asking the teacher why the same girl was always allowed to do anything. It was definitely innocent I genuinely didn’t understand when I’d been taught to share and take turns why she got to do and got picked for everything.

I don’t think it will ever change unfornatley

Same in my DD’s school....drives me mad!!
PTA & TA’s kids are always picked for everything since reception. Teachers fault not kids. However, it’s left my DD without any confidence who was once a happy little soul in early years and now in year 6 has accepted she’s never going to picked so she ‘won’t waste her time as she’ll never get picked!!’ Looking forward to seeing the back of primary tbh!!

As a pp has said, such favourites will find secondary school a bit of shock.

I've got one child who is really confident and always got parts in the school play, and another child who isn't confident, so doesn't. I'm not in the pta and have little to do with school stuff. It was down to the confidence of the kids I guess.

Here we go again. This gets raised on MN about twice a month.

We had it too. My second child was that kid. I'm not PTA or a teacher/TA. But he did everything. Every sports team, sports.caotain, head boy, reading at church, plays, playground monitor, even manning reception in year 6. It was really awkward. There were four of them that got picked all the way through. He loved it though, so I didn't dare say anything. I don't know why the teachers didn't give other kids a go. I think laziness, knowing that those kids wouldn't let them down

The daughter of DD1’s drama teacher had the lead in every play in primary. She was Mary, Red Riding Hood, Alice in Wonderland, you name it. New headteacher put a stop to it, drama teacher had a hissy fit and resigned if his daughter couldn’t have the lead role. It was much better after he left (his daughter stayed at school and was relegated to the chorus and crowd scenes. She didn’t seem to mind, it was just her Dad!)