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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 09/11/2018 17:55

As it’s NY with potentially hideous traffic, tricky parking and overcrowded public transport I don’t think he’s being U not to come to or drop you off at the airport. Especially if he would need time off work for this.

He is being tight not paying for a cab for you though!

Bellabonkers · 09/11/2018 17:56

O and if it turns out he was being unreasonable. Have a back up plan...great hotel for one and shopping Grin

blackchina · 09/11/2018 17:57

Wow what an arsehat. Doesn't sound like he cares about you much sorry OP!

I have had occasions when I couldn't get someone from the train station or airport. Very late at night (and I won't drive in the dark if I can avoid it!) or I haven't got the car - me and DH share and he has been at work on late shift - and I have asked the person to get a cab. Then when they get to me I pay for the fare.

If it's a boyfriend/partner and he is expecting you to get yourself from the airport AND fund it yourself, that is a bad sign imo.

Not saying men should pay for everything for women, but this is common courtesy and decency. Moreover, I would say the same if it was the woman asking a man to get himself to her from the airport and making him pay for his own cab.

Several people don't seem to care, but IMO, I think anyone who cares about their partner/the personal they're dating, would be happy to collect them, or pay for a taxi. If someone did this to me, I would not be taking the relationship very seriously, and probably wouldn't make any effort to travel to see him again tbh.

Sallystyle · 09/11/2018 17:58

It makes sense to just get a taxi.

If he has made plans and booked restaurants then I don't see the issue, personally. If he hadn't done that then I would wonder if he was 'that into you' anymore, but from the sounds of it he has made some lovely plans for the trip so he obviously cares.

I don't get the point in spending extra money on a taxi or waiting in traffic and struggling to park. He can get excited when he sees you at his. I wouldn't want my partner to drive in traffic and wait around in an airport when I can just get a taxi to his.

Choosegopse · 09/11/2018 17:59

Unless you’re arriving whilst he is working, he is being v unreasonable! He better be waiting in the flat with champagne and flowers. Though tbh I would expect the ‘chat’ to be coming ie the end

ChipsAndKetchup · 09/11/2018 18:01

NYC airports are a ball ache to get to. Just jump in a cab. I wouldn't expect someone to meet me - especially not at a NY airport.

daisy877 · 09/11/2018 18:03

I don't even understand why everyone's saying he should be for OPs cab ? Why the hell should he have to pay ? I'm guessing Op is staying with him so is getting free accommodation surley she can pay for her own taxi and not make him sit in hours of traffic

OliviaStabler · 09/11/2018 18:03

I do understand why you are disappointed but I've flown into JFK and getting a cab couldn't be easier. When I went I arranged a car as I was nervous about getting to the city as I was travelling alone, never been to NY before and was not meeting anyone there. However next time I'd just get a cab. Huge rank right outside, very easy.

I'd initially be upset at the lack of effort but then reflect that he has planned for my visit and clearly researched an itinerary and made reservations so there is care there.

BTW, try and go to Tavern on the Green for brunch if you can. Amazing food. I recommend the lobster benedict Grin

Branleuse · 09/11/2018 18:03

I actually would consider calling it off too.

I remember how let down and shit i felt when my dad didnt meet me at the train station after id travelled 7 hours to see him, and thats just my dad.
I think if someone has travelled a long way, its just what you do, and if you dont, it shows that youre not massively excited to see them.

derxa · 09/11/2018 18:03

I'd much rather be in a cab with a driver who knew what they were doing than in a car with someone who is stressed and unsure.

MobMoll · 09/11/2018 18:16

I will drive to Newark and Philadelphia airports but absolutely refuse to drive to JFK- for anyone. It’s an absolute nightmare. Getting a taxi or an Uber makes complete sense. I think you are overthinking this , it doesn’t have anything to do with how he feels about you!

Tobebythesea · 09/11/2018 18:21

YAB partly U. It’s a nightmare to drive to JFK but he could take the subway and get a taxi back with you.

blackchina · 09/11/2018 18:23

@Branleuse

I remember how let down and shit i felt when my dad didnt meet me at the train station after id travelled 7 hours to see him, and thats just my dad.

I think if someone has travelled a long way, its just what you do, and if you don't, it shows that you're not massively excited to see them.

My sentiments exactly. As I said, it sounds like the OP's 'boyfriend' or whatever he is, has very little interest in her.

As I said, if anyone did this to me, I would not be travelling to see them again. I wouldn't take the relationship very seriously tbh, as I would surmise from his actions that HE wasn't taking it very seriously........ Wink

1ndig0 · 09/11/2018 18:26

GreatDuck - I guess it’s just personal expectations when it comes to behaviour in a partner. This for me would be a “dealbreaker,” because I detest bad manners in a man, but I guess other people interpret things differently.

Housingcraze · 09/11/2018 18:26

Taxi fine

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 18:29

he has planned the itinerary, researched activities for us, booked restaurants etc so the effort has been made there

This would be more important in feeling he cares rather than not picking me up from a notoriously hell of a busy airport.

But we're all different I guess.

leonasa · 09/11/2018 18:33

I was in an LDR with an Italian. He used to buy budget flights for £30 but expect me to go to Stanstead to meet/collect him by train (I don't drive). So me buying 2 return tickets to Stanstead was costing me £50, so nearly twice his flight cost!

I had similar. I have to say I wouldn't have a particular issue with this, but I can also understand why you feel a bit hurt. That is to say, it's the kind of thing that some people would care about and not others. I don't think it necessarily means he isn't excited about you coming, he probably just saw it as more practical to do it that way. Would it also, as some have asked, require him rushing out early from work or something like that? Friday evening rush hour in NYC?

TheVanguardSix · 09/11/2018 18:36

When I was doing long distance with my husband for two year he picked me up from the airport everytime with a bunch of flowers. I would not be happy with that at all OP...

That is SO lovely! And to be honest, I'd really want that. OP, he really should be meeting you at the airport in a taxi. Even the taxi ride is time together! I don't travel at all really, but DH will take me to and from the airport, train station...
Every moment counts when your in a LDR.

mostdays · 09/11/2018 18:37

I'm a bit torn. I think I'd be a bit out out but having rtft there does seem to be agreement that you getting a cab would be so much simpler than him picking you up.

And maybe he's planning some sort of surprise welcome that needs him to be at home waiting for you?

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 09/11/2018 18:44

I think I would be annoyed if dp wasted a load of time mucking about to pick pick me up from the airport when he could be making a nice romantic meal for two and I could meet him there.

Branleuse · 09/11/2018 18:47

in a long distance relationship, gestures like this matter more than ever

Petitepamplemousse · 09/11/2018 18:47

It’s so much easier to hop into a taxi than meet someone at the airport. Ask him to pay for it in advance and have someone waiting with a sign- if he hasn’t offered already which I hope he has.

Petitepamplemousse · 09/11/2018 18:49

@daisy877- crikey you have low standards. It’s not ‘free’ accommodation, it’s staying with her boyfriend! And since she picked him up, he should of course pay for the taxi. It’s not a man-woman thing it’s common courtesy.

longwayoff · 09/11/2018 18:52

Would you drive to meet someone arriving at Victoria station in rush hour? Not unless you are deranged. He's in a foreign city and doesn't want to get caught up in traffic to a major transport hub. YABU

Antigon · 09/11/2018 18:58

The thing that irks here is he was perfectly happy to have you do the pickup/drop off at 6am when he visited you.

He should have said to you at the time that he would make his own way.

If you stay in the relationship I certainly wouldn't drop or pick up the selfish twat from the airport again.

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