To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

Your poor mum.

When my ex had an affair and left we had to sell our business which was also our home. I bought a large semi that needed lots of work but ex (who was a builder) said he would do the work. The relationship soon changed and I was left with a house with no kitchen or carpets. Ex paid no maintenance so even with a decent job there was no money to do the house. It was lovely but draughty and hard to heat.

I know my DC avoided inviting their friends round and I felt really bad. I often wished I had bought a smaller house as all the expenses would have been less. I was cheered up by one friend who said he loved our house as it felt so relaxed and welcoming but I only allowed very close friends to visit as I was embarrassed.

We’ve just sold our semi detached and moved into a new house which is an end terraced. The house is large, much larger than my previous house and as big as the 4 bed modern detached house I grew up in.
It is side on to the terrace too so doesn’t look terraced from the front door but although I adore it I am embarrassed to tell people it is terraced for some inexplicable reason. Somehow that adjoining wall matters!

I totally get it OP, it is daft and a non issue, but can see how it might feel for you. I’d move if you can afford to-buy your dream house and see if you love it. You can always move back!

I find the whole focus on the type of house really odd.

I’m just about to move from a semi to a terrace. The terrace is double the cost, bigger and in a much nicer area.

There are lovely terraced houses and shit ones. Lovely semis and shit ones. The main issue imo is the area not the house.

This post makes me sad OP. This isn’t about where you live or how many rooms your house has. It’s about your own deep rooted feelings of shame and inadequacy. If you won the premium bonds tomorrrow and moved straight into a fancy pants mansion those feelings would move in there with you.

I would suggest you get some counselling or therapy to help you come to terms with yourself and boost your self esteem/confidence etc.

You need to get over yourself. It's just a house.

Nothing wrong with a terraced house. After all, the Prime Minister lives in one.

Wow, all I dream about is owning a place myself. And if I could get on the property ladder, the ultimate dream would be to live somewhere with an upstairs and a downstairs! Loads of terraced houses in London are amazing and expensive so no stigma at all. I really think you need to realise how lucky you are to own a property never mind anything else.

Well there’s terraced houses and there’s terraced houses.
It’s all about location.
A pretty terrace in Chelsea is a world away from a terrace in a poorer run down area.

I think where you live is so important to overall happiness, and not many are strong enough to see through the crime, dirt, old fridges in the neighbours garden, to rise above it all.
Who wants to live in that sort of environment?

I brought my daughter up single handed in a small terraced house. All of her friends without exception lived in large semi/detached houses, some with pools, multiple cars etc.

She has told me on more than one occasion that out of all her friends she thinks she had the best childhood. It was the love and safety in our house that mattered , not the size of it.

I have previously lived in an end of terraced house and loved it. To be honest I never ever thought much about it.

Op hasn't even responded to all the advice! Her post never ever addressed the issue of why she chose to buy that. Having promised herself she wouldn't. Completely wierd.

Nor did she respond to all the suggestions of simply moving. Even more wierd.

Loads of Terraced houses round here. You do feel a bit like the 'poor boy' because there are also tonnes of semis, detached and huge million pound mansions aswell. But what can you do! It certainly shouldn't bother you!

I grew up in a small ex council 2 bed house, I now live in a small 4 in a block flat with my 2 kids, I understand how you feel. I am slightly embarrassed about where I live, in our area there are a lot of people with money and everytime I discover where someone else lives it's always in a big new build. I feel more for my kids, it seems to be very important to my older DS friends where they live and how much they have, they are 10! My DS never complains, we have a lovely house, it's just small but in a good location and good neighbours. We have no chance of moving. It gets me down a bit but I've decided not to give a shit anymore. Who cares what kind of house other people live in, doesn't mean they are better than anyone else.

This thread shows that comparison is definitely the thief of joy.
Most of us are lucky to have a roof over our heads.
Most people would be grateful to live in a terraced house with some garden space

I grew up in a 2 bed council flat with my DM. Aged 10 onwards, I attended private school (assisted place) and had friends who lived in huge detached 5 bedroom houses and wanted for nothing.

All of my friends loved coming to my house for tea and sleepovers. It didn't bother them that we only had 2 bedrooms, 1 toilet and no ground floor!

If friends care about the house you live in, they probably aren't friends... but it doesn't sound like they are the ones with the problem, the problem lies with you. Stop comparing yourself to others and be happy in the fact that you own your own house

Well I live in a rented flat with grotty carpets because we can’t afford to buy yet. Am I embarrassed? Nope.
And all of my friends own property. My in laws own a massive eight bedroom house.
I don’t hold myself up to some kind of “property standard” it doesn’t make me a better or worse person.
I keep my flat nice, it’s somewhere I enjoy coming home to and relaxing and although I do hope we get a house one day, it really won’t be the end of the world if we don’t.

It's natural to have hung ups left over from childhood. it's not healthy to carry these through to adulthood and allow it to knock your confidence. It's not about the terraced house it's an inferiority complex. It won't go away until you make peace with your childhood and reason this out properly. How you feel about a situation makes your own reality. If you moved to a bigger detached house you will still feel inferior because you will still have a history of terraced houses and will feel those old same feelings whenever it comes up in conversation and bites you in the ass. You have to tackle the real source of the problem which is WHY you feel terraced houses makes one inferior. For scale I tend to use homelessness as my marker. How can anyone feel anything but grateful when comparing their life to a homeless person with no food or shelter? Class systems, wealth and professional status are notional ideas on 'better than' another. It's a human thing. You don't NEED a bigger house, it makes financial sense to stay where you are. What you need is confidence and self esteem about your own situation. Your happiness at the moment is dependant on wealth, that's a very dicey place to be.

This is not really about terraced houses. It's all about your childhood and how you felt at that time. Are you still seeing a counsellor?

This is bound to be picked up by the Daily Mail, who love a good house-value story....!

On our second terraced place. Hate new builds. They're often badly made and lack downstairs space. We have an ex LA terrace. Well made, lovely village location and views.

Some terrace houses are massively expensive.

If I lived on my own I'd probably have one because I am not into gardening, so wouldn't want a garden, a back yard would suit me better.

The only thing that would really put me off a terrace house (apart from parking issues) is noise from next door.

I don’t think people care as much as you think they do and I suspect this is just a prejudice you picked up from your childhood. I live in a new build town house but I have friends who bought the kind of terraced house you’re talking about a couple of years ago and I never thought twice about it when I visit them tbh. They’ve got it all set up nicely and it never occurred to me that their house was “shit”. I’d bet your friends don’t care either. If you love your home and you’re happy there then that’s all that matters.

OP you sound lovely. I admire your good sense and honesty. And I’m surprised at those who are reproaching you about your attitude to your mum when you write of her with love and gratitude.

There is no point in judging feelings. We don’t choose them and we don’t control them. You clearly have feelings of shame dating back to your childhood, and you are strong to acknowledge and admit them. And to explore them. That’s the quickest way to overcome them.

Whether you choose to buy a detached house or whether you choose to make your peace with your terrace , you are creating a lovely home for yourself that you can be proud of. But you can be proudest of all about your honesty and integrity in exploring your values and choices. All the best to you.

I grew up in a small flat - 4 of us in 1 bedroom. As an adult I have a house. I am grateful. Op you will always find people vastly richer than you, and ones who haven’t done as well as you. Perspective is needed. Please also try not to give your children the same inferiority complex you have.

You mentioned your tiny mortgage and how beautiful your house is inside. When you live in a house you don't spend all your time stood in the garden admiring the attractiveness of your house. You slump on your beautiful couch clutching a good coffee and a book.

I remember idly surfing Rightmove for my 'dream house' and it ticked all the boxes. Newish, country, equestrian. The photos inside showed crappy IKEA (no judgement we've all been there) and sparsely furnished and not in a "staging" way, and I remember thinking what a terrific shame it was that they had this perfect house yet couldn't afford it.

Fwiw I'm end of terrace, half heat my house with next door's warmth and it's decorated beautifully.

Ha I aspire to the better IKEA furniture. Here its great if people can afford a trip to Ikea rather than making do. I do love (but completely understand as my extended family are more wealthy) the "crappy ikea" reference! I so have the combo of ex ha terraced house/not so nice area/crappy ikea . It seems like any of those are "redeemed" if your house is beautifully decorated!