To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

First house i bought was a tiny 2 bed mid terrace. Toilet roll holder was fixed to back of bathroom door & u could still reach it while sitting on the loo (tmi) but shows how small. ... I loved it! It was mine. It was decorated beautifully. It had all the space i needed & was easy to clean & maintain. Theres nothing wrong with your house. You say its decorated how u like it. You dont have huge debts and compared with your friends you are so envious of you probably have much more disposable income.
I think your hangups are nuch more deep rooted than this but somehow you have manifested them into a fixation with this style of house (which ironically you have ended up buying).
Perhaps uour feelings of not being "as good" as everyone else as a child have manifested through to adulthood and despite your good job and the wonderful life you have created for yourself you still feel you are not good enough to move on from the terrace you ended up buying despite your deep rooted despise towards them.
Try positivity conversations with yourself in the morning.
Get up and every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things you love about yourself/ your life and 2 or 3 things you love about your house/financial situation.
It might sound daft but it will help retrain your brain into being more positive about yourself and your beautiful home.
Good luck and remember...the only person judging your home so harshly is you. Why? Xx

New-builds or semis often lack character or are in dull suburbs. I'd much rather live in a terraced house near a busy high street.

I get it whysosad. Its okay to feel as you do, you’re acknowledging it and trying to work on it. Lots of people on here love to throw the word entitled around without any empathy. Be proud of yourself and your home and keep talking though it.

I grew up on an estate with big, medium, tiny houses and bungalows. None of us kids cared what each other’s houses were like. Wasn’t until I was buying my own house that it dawned on my how big my parents house was. Some friends say “sorry for the mess,” when I visit. I don’t even notice if there is a mess or of it’s tidy as I’m there to see my friend and that is all.

i couldnt read the whole thread but is it because of someone said something about terraced houses when you were little that you are affected by it so much?

I hope you can get some peace OP. You could have lived in any house and not wanted visitors with it in that state.

It’s a shame you have to feel this way. I do sometimes feel like this as we recently down sized, but really we still have a nice home. The reality is that we are more fortunate than most people in the world, we have more of everything than we need. Make the best of your home and enjoy it. I think you’re feelings really come down to not feeling you are good enough. A healthy world view is to know that you are ok and so are others, ie you are not better or worse. Maybe go for the counselling x

Hi, I just wanted to say I completely understand why you have an issue with terraced houses (based on your story) and commend your 'sensible' head for over-ruling when it came to buying yourself.

I would also like to say that I work in the construction industry and would NEVER buy a new build. They are simply thrown up these days and we get a lot of work trying to solve issues with very poor workmanship. Rest safe in the knowledge that your terraced house was probably built solidly and also that your heating bills will be substantially lower!

As you say, you love your terraced house on the inside - why would you think anyone else wouldn't? and.. to be honest.. if someone judged you for having a terraced house then they are not worth the time of day.

give yourself a break.

I was brought up in a magnificent country house, now live in ex council end terraced. It is what it is 🤗

'Fuck me' No, I'll pass

OP you sound lovely and you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. We all have our insecurities and the fact you are able to discuss it shows a lot of insight.
I can completely relate to you as I too have very similar insecurities. I grew up in a council house right in the heart of London(was a very desirable location) yet was so ashamed of where I lived. I remembered our home as always looking very tatty and it had the the most awful swirly carpets ( think 1970’s). It was the carpets I was most ashamed about and I was always far too embarrassed to invite school friends home.

I always dreamed of having a “nice” home; a nice period house, but being in London, it is totally unaffordable. I now have an ex council flat in a great London location, yet again used to feel really embarrassed as my block looked like your typical council high rise where as the kids in my children’s school all live in massive beautiful houses.

I used to keep telling myself “if someone likes you, and is a decent person, then it shouldn’t matter to them where you live” although I constantly repeated that mantra to myself, it was still very difficult to believe. However, I’m now beginning to get over this hang up, but it’s taken a very long time.

You feel you need counselling for basically living in a terraced house growing up.....

Can’t say too much specifically because it would be VERY outing but in my line of work I mix with a lot of millionaires who have stunning houses. I once said to one man who came from nothing and now has a mansion how well he has done and how proud he must be of what he has achieved and he said to me “darling when I’m dead I won’t be talking any of it with me”.
Put things in perspective.
Also again being careful of outing myself I know people that live in huge houses well beyond their means and constantly struggle to meet ridiculous payments in order to keep up with the Jones!
You are so lucky to be in the position you are - remember we have a huge epidemic of homelessness today.

Any house is always better than a cardboard box. As long as you are a decent, honest person then I couldn't careless whether you live in a McMansion or a down to earth, much loved little terrace.

You own your home OP! That’s a massive achievement, just focus on that.