To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

Why on earth did you buy one if it embarrasses you?! Can you move?
I live in a terraced house, it's the nicest place I've ever been. I grew up in a 17th floor two bedroom council flat where I shared a room with my parents until I was 13 and they split up. Our terraced house is wonderful and I wish I could afford to buy it. If I was in a position where I could afford to pick and choose where I lived, I certainly wouldn't pick a place I was embarrassed by. Life is too short for that, make yourself happy.

No, it's not a joke. It's a crappy flat in a crappy town. Adult dds still share a bedroom - or would do if dd2 hadn't moved in with her fiance.
new in-laws to be are lovely people but I would be embarrassed to have them here.
They have already given their son £10K toward the wedding which is staggeringly generous of them. I won't be able to contirbute a fraction of that.
anyway, I digress. Sorry to hijack the thread.

Jesus christ.

I grew up in a massive old farm house and now live in a terrace.
The only thing I think about is noise, either from us or from neighbours, but luckily it's not a problem.
I love my home. I have a small mortgage. Sure, it's smaller than many of my friends' homes and sometimes that can be a little tricky eg parties for the kids, family staying over, but that's just the way it is and I don't think has changed any of my relationships. If I can't offer hospitality I like to think I give in other ways.
I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who judged me on the size of my home.

Most London houses are terraces, even the ones that cost millions of pounds. Surely it’s not the house itself that’s the problem, it’s more the area or how well kept neighbouring properties are.

I prefer terrace houses. They have character and are usually built to last. I could never live in a semi or a new house, not my style and a lot of them are made badly. I would hate a 30s semi with plastic windows and a plastic extension. I know lots of people who prefer old terrace houses to other houses.

We have a smallish terrace, a really nice one, everyone who walks in says "wow" because it's lovely inside. If I had more money I would buy a slightly bigger terrace house in a better location.

I honestly don't know why you would be ashamed of living in a perfectly good house. If you don't like it, buy a new build apartment or something else.

I'm going to be completely honest and say that yes I do see big detached houses as much nicer than a terrace. But with that being said, the inside of the house is what truly reflects the owner. If my house was clean and nicely decorated I'd be more than happy to welcome anyone inside without feeling embarrassed.

I didn't even know this was a thing! I live in London and pretty much all the houses are terraced. Has never occurred to me to feel any way at all about this.

Remember, you are literally the only person who is worried about you living in a terraced house. You are still in your 20s and you own your own home while most of your peers are renting or living with their parents. You have achieved so much. I remember being 27 and getting the keys to my first flat - a tiny one bedroom place in a dodgy part of a dodgy town and I was so proud! You have a whole house! You can and will move on if you want, but in the meantime, please enjoy your lovely home.

My favourite of all the places I've lived was an end terrace. I loved it. I now have a council flat and would like a terraced house again when I'm sorted out. (I'm not ashamed of my little flat either, it's cosy and warm and clean and I like it, I just would like a garden or a yard.)

Just think..a semi detached house usually has 3 sides of roof to maintain, 3 exterior walls to paint and more windows and a detached house has 4 of all of these..

I live in a lovely mid terrace house. My mortgage is paid off. Thanks to some extending we have plenty of room for our family of four in a desirable part of south east commuter land.

Nothing wrong with a terraced house!

I live in London and every house (including mine) is a terrace so it’s not even an issue.

You should work on loving what you have - you’re only in your 20’s and you’re already on the housing ladder with a small mortgage? You’re very lucky, practice waking up each morning and thinking of 3 things you are grateful for in your life. It really works, I do it!

Your poor mum

Op, theyre just houses. The people who are inside them are what matters.

But, but, the terraced houses in Coronation Street are Victorian, aren't they?

Anyway. I have lived in terraced houses and whilst the tiny gardens and noise are a bit of a pain, the social stigma you seem to feel exists is just not even on my radar as an issue.

I would far rather have a beautifully-decorated, high-ceilinged, original-featured little tiny terraced house than a 4 bedroom mock-Tudor modern build detached number with a gravel driveway. Honestly. HTH. 🙂

How bizarre. Most of the houses where I live are terraced. They are very naice and highly sought after.

I understand what you mean, but I honestly believe you have no reason to be ashamed. A house of any kind can be made a home. I’m in my 30s and yes, I do actually live in a semi detracted with a small mortgage. It’s a 2 bed though, the garden is weeny and it’s 100 years old. I’ve made it home and I love it. But I got upset, when a friend came round and made a comment about it being “a nice starter home” and “don’t know how you manage with such little space!”
I fell in love with plenty of terrace houses when looking. Honestly you have no reason to be ashamed.
You have a home and a small mortgage. What you can’t see is how much potentially some people are stretching themselves to afford those new builds and detached homes. Thinking of some friends of mine who have no money left after paying their mortgage but they want the Status front.
As a plus, plenty of new builds are built sub standard these days. The older houses are often much more solid and have some character.
A home is a home: flat, bungalow, terrace, mansion - it’s yours, that’s the point. Plenty don’t own and never will. No need to compare. No shame.

OP. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. People have complicated childhoods. Remember that you have achieved so much already and you have your own home and have a tiny mortgage. Until you can move, make the home the type that you always dreamt of. You're very much in control.

I remember being embarrassed of our terraced house, OP, when I was about 11/12, and everyone else seemed to live on an estate. It was on a main road and we weren't poor, but we certainly couldn't have been classed as well-off.

I now live in a terraced house, and there is part of me that would prefer to live in a detached, from a noise point of view, but if anything i've gone the other way and now just feel so so grateful that I don't have to live in one of these awful new build estates with all their little windy culdesacs and houses that seem like they'll fall down if you sneeze.

The imagination is a wonderful thing, but in your case OP, it seems to be dragging you down as you imagine the critique or your friends and colleagues. The reality is that nobody is giving your terraced house a second thought !!

I love terraces. I grew up in a posh terrace (at one point Joanna Lumley lived across the road) and now I live in an ex-council terrace. I prefer sturdy older houses with plenty of character, and those tend to be terraces if you live in a city. So as a general rule, I would choose a terrace over a detached house.

I love my terraced house and i love living within my means!

We have good jobs and still had to save and budget really hard to afford our London terrace! We have friends in senior professional jobs, living in the same type of council houses (now ex council houses) that I was ashamed to live in as a kid. Housing prices have come a long way since we grew up, you should be proud of your achievement.

I grew up in pre WW11 flats in central London. Then moved to a 16th floor council flat next to a busy A&E department and a tube station.

I don’t think I could go back to living in a flat, even a posh apartment if I win the lottery.

Do you think you will be happier if you move to a larger house in an area where you friends live? Or would you still be life comparing your home with others?

OP were your friends nice about it when you were growing up or would they mention it to you? It sounds like there's some lingering sense of humiliation there. It stings to grow up in a nice area but with everyone else in a completely different income layer. My parents were young when they had me. My mum was a sahm and my dad just starting his career. I grew up in a 1.5 bed flat (I say .5 because my room was a tiny box room) on the top floor of an old building, no lift. Every single school mate had a house, a big one usually. Before play dates were agreed mums would sometimes come and 'drop by' to see where we lived. Usually their child were a no show or declined the invitation afterwards. Silly snobs the lot of them. I was happy there, the view was gorgeous. My point is- it's the perception of others, and potential rejection if found somehow 'beneath' them which you still fear. Be proud of your achievement to own a home and please, if anyone made you feel inferior in the past, don't forget that was never you; they never bothered to look at you as a person in the first place.

If you keep comparing yourself to others you will never be content. Ever. Don’t do it, be happy with what you have. Be thankful you have that.