To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

If you care so much why did you buy a terraced house?

This

That aside I’ve never really understood the big deal with having big/fancy houses. It’s just a house. All my friends live in big detached houses I have a 3 bed semi. It’s decent, in a decent area and big enough for us all. I don’t care much beyond that

My exDP grew up in mansions and had holidays on yachts.
I grew up in a mid terrace in a very poor inner city - effectively a slum.

It’s hard to say which of us was more fucked up by our abusive childhoods.

It’s not the house - it’s what happens inside it that’s important.

I understand a bit.

Nothing to do with my upbringing, but when I was young I bought a new build and terrace and hated it so much. But it was because it was a new build. I didn’t hate the neighbours or area but the house felt flimsy and had no personality. We had to go for a new build as the builders were offering help to first time buyers, so only way to get on housing ladder at that time.

Anyway 2 years later, We sold it and bought an old, tiny, 2 bed terrace with only a courtyard garden, and loved it!

Funnily enough person who bought our horrible new build, had come from a cottage and was desperately seeking clean lines, modern fittings and a minimalistic type house. Everything I was looking to leave behind.

Horses for courses and all that.

I recently moved from private rented semi to a Council end of terrace. I absolutely love it. In less than two months my dad and I have really done it up so lovely and it’s warm, cosy and full of character. It already feels like home for me and my kids.

If anyone negatively judged me on the basis of my home being a Council terrace I would not only cut them out of my life but I’d also cringe for them. I mean, seriously, who does that? Only crass wankers, that’s who.

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

A house like you describe - probably not by choice but not because there’s anything wrong with it but I’d be less keen on neighbours through the walls on both sides in that kind of house.

A terrace sandstone townhouse in the west end of Glasgow - yes

Terraced houses are a huge part of the housing stock. So they are no worse or better than other types of house in themselves. Where they are and how they are maintained is what affects their appeal. I grew up in a tall, spacious terrace. At uni I rented rooms in terraced houses. DH and my first house was a pretty Victorian terrace.

I must confess when we moved from it I was amazed by how much light there was in a semi. I now live in a detached house and love that most. But I'd never look down on anyone in a terrace and would probably downsize to one later in life very happily. My best friend from school bought a terraced house in the North east near the sea. Not expensive at all, and it is one of the most gorgeous streets I've ever been in. My heart lifts when I walk down it.

Don't be ashamed of what you can afford. Love and care for it and have a good time in it.

I sold my semi for a terraced house because it was in a really nice village, better area, and I didn't mind downsizing, it was just me. Now I have a family and a bigger house but I did love my little terrace. Maybe if you meet someone you might move at some point?

I love my terraced house away from abusive ex h. It's all relative!

I bought the house I could afford (a terrace and not a period terrace, just a 1979 terrace!) but I do love it. I love that I saved so much to make it possible and I love how it feels like home and I love the security it gives me. You say you have a tiny mortgage! Enjoy that! Enjoy feeling like your good fortune is your secret. I like how I turn the key in the door and walk in to warmth even though i've been out all day because It's got another (warm) house on both sides!
Forget about your childhood. You need to stop measuring people's worth by their house and then you'll stop worrying that people are doing that to you.

I live in a terrace.

Our children like living here because they feel cosy and close to us.

Same here blackteaplease.

I've lived in several terraced houses. I've also lived in a huge (rented) house that was about 350 years old. But it was impossible to heat and bloody FREEZING. Terraced houses are fine by me!

Ah, good old first world problems

I get it, although not about terrace housing but about council. Similar situation, poorer family so our house never seemed as nice as my friends ones. I got teased by my ‘friends’ because my parents didn’t own a house etc.

Fast forward a few decades and I’m raising my own kids in a lovely council semi in a rural location. However I still hate inviting people to my house or the kids friends because of my childhood associations. I feel mine is more messy or less nice than other people’s when actually it’s pretty standard. I think our childhoods linger far longer than is logical but it doesn’t mean it’s easy to change that view.

I grew up in one of those nice Victorian semis with a huge garden. I can honestly say that I cared not a jot about the sort of houses my friends lived in, Council flats to massive detached house in large grounds with pool and tennis court (yes, really!).

Now we live in a Georgian town house. It's horrible. Draughty, expensive to heat, expensive to run generally and it eats all our money just stopping it from falling down around our ears.

I'd swap with you in a heartbeat.

My friend lives in a terraced house in the welsh valleys, I live in a detached 3 bed modern house.
It wouldn’t even occur to me to judge her for her house, it’s beautiful, spacious, lovely large garden and the tiniest mortgage!
These issues are your issues, none of your friends will think like you about your home x

I grew up in an actual mansion. 8 bedrooms, 2 kitchens, 10 bathrooms, tennis courts, expansive landscaped lawns, a lake- the full works.

All of my friends lived in houses smaller than my family’s and I was embarrassed because of our house. Kids don’t like being different to their peers.

I get it. things from childhood go deep. your logical head knows that you are making good decisions, your inner 11 year old is not feeling it. you need to find a way to find peace with your chhildhood home.

We live in a decent-sized middle-of terrace house in a city neighbourhood where some people have larger, detached homes.

We always assumed we'd move to a detached house at some point, but guess what, our mortgage is now 10% of our income (after 12 years, was more than 30% at first) and we can't be bothered with a larger mortgage and all the upkeep costs. We can have nice holidays instead!

DD (13) says she wants to move to a detached house with a larger garden like some of her friends have, but we can walk to a park in 10 mins, so we're staying here ...and moving to a smaller place when the children have left home.

I grew up in a house my parents couldn't really afford, so I understand that things run deep because my big fear is over extending myself financially!

Why do so many people chase the 'big' house? Fuck that! You'd spend half your life battling to keep it clean and tidy or waste a load of money paying a stranger to do it for you.

I grew up watching my mum trying to stay on top of a 4 bed family home with a big garden while working full time and raising 3 children. It made her utterly miserable at times, OP. I vividly remember her crying on several occasions as a teenager because she was so overwhelmed by the workload and it never eased up - and my mum's a bloody strong woman. I remember my friends frequently remarking about how lovely our home was, and I all I could ever do was smile and nod, because if any of them had scratched beneath the veneer, they would have seen the time, effort, money and toll that lovely home on the nice street which was close to the good schools took on my parents, and it wouldn't have looked so lovely then, I can assure you.

I now live in a 2 bed housing association flat with my daughter. You couldn't pay me to leave it. It has never once occurred to me to wonder what other people might think about it, because I don't give a shiny shit one way or the other. This is my home. It's small and cosy and we bloody love it. The 'Hygge' is strong here And if I ever get a whiff of embarrassment from DD because of where we live, I'll be sitting her down and giving her the reality check of a damn lifetime.

You've worked hard and have a lovely wee home. Be proud and be grateful for it. And please don't look back and feel badly towards your mum. The homes you grew up in may not have been big or particularly tidy, but your mum was raising 5 children singlehandedly while holding down her job. I'm a single parent to an only child and it can be incredibly tough at times trying to manage everything solo. I can't even imagine how anybody copes under such circumstances with 5 children to raise. Yeesh!

It's so funny OP - I have the exact same problem as you but in reverse.

I had a significantly abusive childhood (90s) which definitely shaped my view of housing.
The first part of my childhood was spent in a terraced house. My home life was horrible but my community was great - we had neighbours both sides I could turn to, my nanna lived back to back with us, my auntie lived on our road and there was no social climbing because essentially everyone was skint and it was okay. People helped each other out and the shopkeeper let you buy stuff on tick.

When I was 11 we moved to the suburbs. Semi detached new build. Big drive. Nice garden. Same old abusive household, only this time I was isolated. People didn't speak to each other. There were no nice kids in my road. Our walls were thinner so I knew neighbours heard everything and still didn't think that the woman and kids being battered needed any help.or support. No transport links. No shops. All the houses looked the same.

I associate new build semis and detached with social climbing and materialism. The places where people care if you don't now your lawn but not where you got that black eye from. I'm aware this is firmly my issue, not meant to upset anyone in any way.

Ironically, in the city I live in terraced houses (the coronation st kind) are highly sought after because of how well they're built in comparison with new builds. I could afford to buy a new build semi but I want a terrace and it's going to take yearssss to save the deposit!

I grew up in a posh detached house my parents couldn't afford. I look at people in big houses and hope they aren't totally stressing themsleves out with it tbh.

What is it with this forum!
Completely obsessed with what ifs, what I don’t have and what others have!

I live in a terraced house- and I RENT it!

I don't know how I have the social shame to go outside...

Seriously OP you have skewed thinking- every single one of your colleagues cannot have a new big fancy house, it's just not possible, and if you are all so incredibly wealthy to afford this in your work, then move.

This is silly stuff to get stuck on.