To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

When people are anxious and worried about a stupid thing it is almost always never the ‘thing’ itself that’s the problem.
Negative feelings have a habit of bubbling up and attaching themselves to things that aren’t really relevant.
When I was a log my mum became completely obsessed with the size of her nose. Her nose was never really the problem but it was how her stress with a cancer diagnosis for herself and a terminally ill husband manifested itself.

Ps I was never a log auto correct

Well if that's how you feel OP then that's how you feel. No amount of options on here can change that.

I live in a detached property now. Before this one I had a Victorian villa. Before that I had a 2 up 2 down mid terrace. Before that I rented a terrace and I've also rented a top floor flat. I've never felt embarrassed about people knowing where I live or inviting them to my home. If you feel bad about where you live then it is solely your reflection on yourself. I am certain that not one of your friends or family are judging your house!

Really?????

Terraced house?!
You were lucky.....

Me and dh had this about our ex council house we brought. It was supposed to be a starter home but then the slump happened. Took me years to get over it. If made our house lovely. We can have a nice lifestyle due to affordable mortgage so our life is financially stress free. Lots to be said for that

I know what you mean but my school friends were lovely and came to see me, not my house! Now, I'd rather have a small, cosy home and pay it off than a huge mortgage that means I've got less spare cash. I do understand what you mean, but dust that chip off your shoulder. People think about other people's things less than you imagine! Enjoy your home. And presumably your car is yours not owned by a leading company so be proud!

There’s a few options here. Mainly supported by what your priorities are.
A) if its completely taking over your life, sell up and buy a semi in a cheaper area that you can afford. Meaning you’ll most probably be moving away from your support network.
B) if you couldn’t imagine leaving your support network, it probably indicates that you’re not as bothered about the house you live in as your support network is priority.
C) if you feel your support network judges you by your terraced house, they’re probably not your real friends.
D) if they don’t judge your terraced house, but all of the judgement is your own, then you probably need to stop comparing your life to others and be happy you have somewhere to call home.

The end.

Whatever other people say what is really important is what does living in a terraced house mean to YOU.
It seems that it must mean sub standard, second best, not good enough. Also, of course it brings feelings from the past, which were perhaps painful, awkward, difficult. I live in a terraced house. My only issue with it is that, at times, I can here my neighbours more than I would like, and of course vice versa.

Hi. Just think how lucky you are to own a house. Go to a local food bank and see how bad things really are

Theres nothing wrong with terraced houses, There are some very well kept houses in nice street
Dont be such a snob,, Move if it bothers you so much

When I was little I used to be embarrassed that I lived on a farm, down a dirt track and that we had no money for anything. (would love to live there now) Later I was embarrassed we lived on a council estate while I too went to a posher school further away. (also with adult eyes I can see it was not that bad). I spent most of my university years feeling poor and out of place, imagining that everyone was doing better than me, or so they appeared. (later found out this was not 100% the case, there were others like me) And depending on who was asking I was later embarrassed that I was living in a small terraced flat in a rubbish, joked about part of town. (but first step on ladder paid for entirely by me and my hard work, and so grateful I was able to get it). I've also been embarrassed about various other things over the years....all of which have held me back in various ways. At some point you have to accept that this feeling of not matching up comes from within and the limits are self imposed. It's hard to break free...but ultimately you can choose to park it and choose happiness. It's so much easier!!! No one else gives a cr&p.

As a child I was raised in various council flats in London god I couldnt even think about affording one now. My first purchased property was an ex council terraced two up two down. I didn't give a thought to what others had to say, it was MINE. Ok so 45 years on I have the detached property with a large garden and guess what, it's becoming too much for hubby and me, so will be looking a downsizing in the next year or two. NEVER be ashamed of what you have achieved or where you live, some very famous actors come from council backgrounds and are proud of their upbringing and in fact boast of it. Your mum did brilliantly, gave you a roof over your head, food in your belly, and shoes on your feet. Embrace that and be very proud.

If u can afford to move.. move? I grew up in a council flat.. next door to people who drank a lot and ruined the property for everyone with graffiti and rubbish.. I'm now a single mum and in a council flat next door to people who smoke and take all sorts and if I could afford to move I would be out of here in an instant

There’s nothing wrong with a good terraced house. They’re solid and dependable. I lived in a £400k new build and it was (not that) slowly falling apart as it was chucked together. I’ve also lived in the former kitchens of a grade 2 listed Hall. Was beautiful, but a bad conversion meant that that was falling apart. We lived in aGF flat in a poor area and now that WAS embarrassing. We now live in a good solid former LA semi and it’s fab. I think where I’m going with this is that the grass isn’t always greener. The terraces I’ve lived in have been some of the best houses.

You should move where I live (in a city), it's the terraces that are all desired and looked after and beautifully decorated. It's the new builds that seem a bit rushed to put up, no character and identikit and a lot cheaper in comparison.
Just goes to show it's all relative.

I don’t think this has anything to do with a terraced house to be honest.
It is about issues to do with your childhood, comparisons, longing for something better and feelings of not being good enough.
A good few sessions with a good CBT therapist and then maybe some voluntary sessions in a homeless charity or family poverty organisation to get some form of perspective might help.
Grass is always greener. As you get older you just realise that what you can afford and what will make you happy is good enough.
Don’t keep looking back and don’t tie yourself up in knots. Just try to enjoy the life you have and make the best of it

I understand how you feel OP, it's a very deeply rooted thing that goes way back, even though it will look irrational or peevish to those who haven't had the experiences you have.

I grew up in poverty raised by a single mum on benefits, and am now living a similar life in some ways although I am self employed and desperate to grow my business and get off benefits. I hate being poor, it is soul-destroying. I currently live in a tiny slightly falling apart terraced house. I dream of owning this house. I would cry so much if I was ever lucky enough to have my own home. We have to move whenever the landlord decides to sell, we just moved this week and I sobbed in the empty living room of our old place the night before I gave the keys back. I am so tired of this shit. But I keep plugging away because that's what you do.

You have got a mental block about terraced houses in the sense that you have externalised ALL your feelings about your upbringing and the ways you missed out, and looped it on to the label of 'terraced house'. I have the same thing except the label I'm obsessed with is 'owning my own home'. When I step back I can see I am being silly, and a lot of this is created by external factors that are supposed to make us continually dissatisfied with what we have, always wanting more. BUT there are wounds for some people about their childhoods which, until they are unpacked and dealt with, will always dog them. I hope I can eventually make peace with my upbringing and not feel that it is still affecting me... poverty messes with your head even when you are free of it. I understand.

I have 3 friends who all bought a 'new build'. Every one of them spent 6 months getting them to come and fix a multitude of things that were shoddy and crap, problems with kitchen units, leaking windows, leaking roof, doors not fitting properly etc. What a complete waste of money. One friend hated her house by the end of it and moved to an older house which she loves.

The grass is not always greener.

You made the choice to take that house, you could have taken another if you had the choice and finances. You are an adult, you know that where you live doesnt say what kind of person you are, you are not a teenager any more, grow up.

I have lived in council studio flat, tower blocks and a house that we end up buying it and we were proud of owning a semi detached in the council estate that was not good but we loved our house and worked really hard to buy a big house in the different area for our four children. 4 years ago we bought a 5 bedroom detached house in the beautiful area. Be proud of yourself you never know one day you will move somewhere and live in the detached house.

I can completely understand your feelings. I was lucky enough to get a scholarship to a private secondary school, but I lived in the most deprived area in our city, we had two rooms above a shop- which shared a kitchen and bathroom with the tenants of the other rented rooms. I was always mortified for anyone to find out where I lived and only had my closest friend come to my home. Most of the other pupils lived in amazing 5+ bedroom homes in the best areas, had new clothes bought for them constantly, given money to go out with friends etc. As a result I really didn’t enjoy my time in that school -although I am grateful for the education I received there.

I should add that your home sounds lovely, anyone who would judge you for it isn’t worth knowing.

well just move if it makes you feel so unhapppy ffs

I was lucky enough to grow up in a nice detached house out of London which was lovely but these days I think you need to focus on having a nice house you can afford to live in and my hubby and I don't have the income my parents did. Ours is a 3-bed terrace in a pricey bit of London so is worth quite a lot anyway. We could move out a bit and get a lovely detached for the same price but I like it here and the kids are settled. I would rather be in my little terrace with no mortgage than a big fancy house with huge expenses I couldn't afford. If people judge me from the size of my house they aren't worth knowing! If you can afford a big detached then go for it but don't overstretch yourself or you'll be miserable.

I was raised in a council flat in Brixton. I now rent a 2 bed terraced house in Kent.
I'm not embarrassed, just more worried I'll never be able to afford to buy a house to leave to my son