To be embarrassed to live in a terraced house?

[Whysosad]

I know IBU and sound snobby. I'm prepared to be flamed for this post but please read entire post!!

This is an insecurity i have never spoken openly about (although touched on it in counseling). So i may not articulate myself well!!

I grew up poor to a single mother with 5 kids. The houses we grew up in were always terraced houses. Not the nice big town houses or the lovely 3 storey victorians. Think more coronation street. The fact they were massively cluttered and cramped didn't help. My mum decided to send me to senior school in a affluent village away from the poor area we lived. All my friends lived in big detached or semi detached houses or new builds. Their houses were always decoated nicely and were so modern with decking in their back gardens and a nice conservatory. Even my friends who werent so well off and didn't have the latest clothes or go on holidays still somehow lived in a nice house. I was the only person i knew who lived in a terrace house surrounded by terraced houses. I knew one or two people in my year that lived in terraced houses in the village but they were cottage terraces so still nice and smart. The people i grew up with were never aware they lived in what i thought to be 'nice houses' as it was just the norm to them i suppose. Everyone lived in a new build, detached, semi or cottage. The housing association flats on the outskirts were new builds and very modern inside.

I know it sounds bad, but i would be embarrassed to have my friends stay over or see where i lived, even as young as 11. I always wondered what they were thinking as they left their lovely clean minimalised semis or new builds and pulled up outside my terraced house on my grim street. I remember when my mum decided to sell her house to move closer to my school i begged her to get a 'new build' or semi. Or if it had to be a terrace, then a terrace where it was only 1 of 5 terrace houses like the little cottage terraces. To make matters worse my friends dad was an estate agent who sold new builds and when he saw my mum was selling asked my mum to come view the houses he was selling. I remmeber being mortified inside knowing we could never live there. Instead due to costs my mum bought another terraced house on the 'grim' outskirts of the village which was considered a deprived area. There were mattresses and sofas outside peoples houses and i was even more embarrassed. I feel awful writing this as i know she did her best so don't blame/resent her in anyway at all. I remember that in my young teenage mind i couldn't understand why everyone else could live in nice houses and we couldn't. I couldn't understand why even my friends whos parents were shop assistants or worked in a factory were able to live in a nice house but my mum who had a good job couldn't.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I was always adamant and fixated that i would live in a new build or semi or detached. Its been a dream for me (weird i know). Due to growing up skint I've always been very good with money and a saver not a spender. I've got a professional job and a good salary. When it came to buying my house despite my longing, my sensible head decided to override my wishes and i decided on a small 2 bed terraced house as i was buying on my own with no kids.
My mortgage is TINY and i don't need anymore room for just ne. It makes such financial sense.

However, despite being an adult and in my twenties with plenty of time to move up the property ladder, I'm still embaressed about where i live. All my work colleagues live in new builds, semis or detached houses. Literally EVERYONE. My friends who rent, rent nice houses. My friends who own, own nice houses. My single friends live in nice modern flats in the city centre. No one else lives in a terraced house like me. I feel the exact same way i did at school.

In my line of work a lot of our clients live in houses just like mine. I think i find it quite difficult because my colleagues, the 'professionals', all have these nice big houses and then our clients who often live in poverty, live in houses the same as mine.
I keep assuming people think I'm scruffy and somehow inferior. Its illogical thinking.
My friends came to view the house with me and all said it perfect/lovely/cosy. But i know for a fact they themselves would never live there!! It felt almost patronising for them to be praising my little terrace on a shit street when they all lived in their nice detached houses with garages and drives. Its so hard to go from having drinks at their houses with their dining rooms and hallways to then my house.

Don't get me wrong, i love my little house. Its perfect. I've decorated it beautifully if i say so myself. I just wish i could pick it up and place it somewhere else. I'm not even materialistic. I have a 20 year old banger car which i love even though i could afford a new one. Im not bothered about designer clothes or any of that stuff. So I'm not bothered about being showy. Its just this weird complex i have about terraced houses.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so how do you get over it?

Does anyone else live in a terraced house and really not care?

Also can people be really honest and state what their opinions are on terraced houses and whether or not they would live in one?

Its such a bizzaire complex i have that i want to get over!!

Semis and new builds make me want to cry.

A terrace house in Chelsea would set you back 3 million +

I’d much rather live in an Edwardian terrace than a 30s semi or new build so yes YABU.

This is about confidence not architecture.

You need to get a grip.

I live in a council house. I don’t own it and never will. We work hard at low paid jobs. We pay all our bills and do overtime to go on nice (by our standards) holidays. We don’t care a lot about “stuff”. We do care w lot about making memories. My grown up children (only one of whom still lives at home) are not, to my knowledge, ashamed of our home or where they grew up. I think they know there are more important things in life.

I’d be very proud to be be able to own a little terraced house if it was within my means. So although I understand what you’re saying, I can’t really take on board your reasoning. I think you’re all tied up in knots over something that you really shouldn’t be.

You should probably care a bit less about what people think. People that matter won’t mind (where you live) and people that mind shouldn’t matter. They’re not nice people.

I love terraced houses.It does depend on the location but to be honest that goes for any type of house.In a nice location they are great. they are full of character,warm and charming.

I grew up in a 2bed plus boxroom house, which was shared with my grandparents and parents. It had a small bathroom upstairs and a downstairs outside loo.
We all then moved into a bungalow w2ith similar facilities but with a larger garden over the other side of town and meant a 30-minute bus ride to school instead of 5 minutes up the road. Then we moved into a new bungalow in the garden and once I started working I purchased an old 22ft/7 mtr caravan for £165.00 and lived in that on an old airfield. As I had become a construction worker and travelled for my job I took on various other caravans until I could afford a small 2-bed cottage in the country. That cost me 75% of my monthly wages and with a wife and 3 kids, times were hard. I did work for 7 days a week until after 9 years I could afford a bigger house and mortgage with bedrooms for each of the children. It is in the middle of nowhere, was until a short while ago 20 miles to a supermarket and involved 120-mile drive to work each day, which meant at least 5 hrs at the wheel. The family loved playing and enjoying in the big garden, even fighting over who would cut the grass. The kids have grown and have their own families and my 5-bed property now has 1 occupant only. Don't be envious or have any other feelings about where you live, but just enjoy what you have because in time your small home will all you need to enjoy your life. If it were possible I would buy each of the homes I've lived in as they all have happy memories, but fitting them on the mantlepiece might prove a problem. Love your home, whether it's worth £5.00 or £5 million, it is yours.

We moved from a dilapidated, 6-bed Victorian terrace in a bad neighbourhood to a 2-bed new build. We moved back. I found the new build people were horribly snotty, ageist and very concerned with who earned the most, who drank the dearest wine and who was getting the newest car. Fine, if that life style suits them. We were looked down on because our priorities were different. Also, most people there were head over ears in debt for said wine and cars and were taking lodgers to make ends meet. At least where we are (same style terraced property again) we have no Joneses with whom we must keep up. We have no debts, either, and definitely no shame about it.

Well I think new builds are completely soulless. Both DH and I had Victorian terraces when we were younger and loved them.

They're characterful and you're doing so well to own your home in your twenties.

I grew up in a large Tudor farmhouse on a few hundred acres with cattle and horses in a very affluent village......I hated every minute of it!

I couldn't see what I was fortunate enough to have, all I wanted was to live like my friends in the neatest town in their terraced houses.

I loved going to friends houses and staying in what to me was a 'normal' house.

Now, I don't live in a big house or a terraced property, but a 1 bed flat in a block of six in a nice edge of London. It's fine for me and to be honest I don't miss the big, posh house at all

I grew up in a big detached house but could only afford a small terraced cottage when I first bought a house, it was lovely but as I am a piano teacher it did disturb the neighbour, so after I got married we moved to a detached house just so we don't disturb people with continual piano music. I think you should be proud that you are so young and you have a house of your own it is a massive achievement. One day you can put that equity into your dream home. I think you sound lovely and good on you doing so well.

*nearest

Hi, I know exactly what you feel! I had a totally crap childhood, and I know for a fact that in addition my ugly, chaotic, untidy, dirty and super crammed environment had a detrimental effect on my personality. I was one of seven. My mom was mentally unstable but stubborn as a mule. She worked hard but concentrated on the wrong things. ( another story). One day, a group of my school friends decided to ‘pop in’ without calling first. I can still remember the utter burning hot shame I felt as they stared at my ‘home’. I was just transfixed to the ground wanting the world to end. I am not materialistic, I just wanted a clean environment. Just a normal ordinary world. I never forgot that! I am in my 50’s now. As soon as I got a chance I bought the tiniest of flats in a lovely area. I can’t tell you how I happy I was. Like you, I have had to develop good money sense In order to survive on my own and creative improvisations has meant that I now have an eye for interior design. This is probably because it has meant more to us, who never had the luxury when we were young. Over the years I have moved to really nice areas but had small properties. I recycle everything where possible and shop in charity shops for bargains. it has been important for me to feel like I fitted in, and this is how I did that. I think, if it really bothers you, and you can afford it, you should sell your little place and buy a another in a nicer area. You sound very sensible. You can easily create a lovely space again. You may find it helps you to settle in the world. If you can’t afford it, then you have to accept that poeple DO judge areas, but that when they walk into a home that is loved and taken care of, they forget the outside. Whatever you decide be happy with yourself, you have done really well. As for your mother, she sounds fantasticly strong and decent, and you were a very lucky child in many ways. Don’t worry about other people’s opinion, it’s irreverent. 🙂

Some people don't have houses

What you seem to be saying is some how those in a terraced house are beneath you ... That's disgusting. I only rent as I can't afford to buy and up until 4 years ago I lived in ... Shock, horror a council flat. What depressed me was the attitude that some how I wasn't worthy to be honest I still feel like that to this day. I feel bad for your mum at least she could afford to buy a house ... Shaking my head with disbelief here :(

Well if you don't like it move. Personally I don't care where anyone else lives or what in. A home is very personal to that person and has nowt to do with me.

This seems to have more to do with you being unhappy than your actual house. I have a colleague like this...she constantly compares herself with others and always comes off worse, even though she is actually incredibly fortunate in many ways. By always aspiring to do better, she is never happy with the present and doesn’t seem to have any idea how lucky she is. It becomes very tedious.

Don’t be that person but if you are unhappy with your life, then do something about it. I don’t think this is about your house at all!

Over the years, I've bought terraced, flat in posh London, nice detached in great area.
Never been so happy as in my council bungalow, now.
My friends and colleagues see a chequered life and one that makes me interesting.
I don't think anyone looks at where I live as a judgement of who I am.
(I have not read the thread, so apologise for that)

I've never thought a terrace being somehow 'poor' or undesirable. Terraces when I worked for an EA, were always snapped up . They are really nice homes, full of character and spacious if you know how to decorate & adapt to your needs etc. I wish you could see some of the terraces we sold, they were Ideal Homes gorgeous. You can't compare a box like new build to a terrace. I had a new build flat:it just wasn't me. I'm far happier in a 1bed Victorian with character. We all have different taste, don't drive yourself mad comparing. That way envy & disatisfaction fester.

I wouldn't give you a thank you for a new build. Tiny rooms with low ceilings, no room for storage and nasty uPVC plastic windows. I'm lucky enough to live in an Edwardian detached house with enough bedrooms that my kids don't have to share, sure its drafty and more expensive to heat, but it has character (and wooden windows) when I downsize when the kids leave, I will go to a terrace, and OLD terrace. Lovely :-)

It really depends on the area to be honest I’m from the north east and there are a lot of terraces here so it’s not a big deal my best friend lives in a 4 be Terrace and it’s lovely and spacious inside. I have a new build now in my mid 20s and it’s a 2 bed mid terrace and I’m happy with it! I’m a big believer of living below your means just think those friends who didn’t have the best clothes or holidays probably would have if their parents had bought houses in a less affluent area we could get a house twice the price of the one we have now but I’d rather have the holidays!! Life is about living and not about the things you have (I know where you’re coming from though I was the poor kid at the affluent school we lived in a two bed flat through high school and were over croweded) I’ve done a lot of sole searching to reach this point and honestly your house isn’t everything also new builds come with so many problems!!!

The thing is you're still so young, only in your twenties - I bought my first house, ironically a two bed terrace down a very average Birmingham street, but it sorted us out property ladder wise. Now a lot older and in the kind of house I've always wanted. What you have doesn't have to be forever. The fact you've bought a house on your own is a bloody good start!

Haven't rtft. I grew up 1 of 4 relatively poor and on a crappy drug-ridden estate and got sent to private school with some of the most over-privileged snobs you wouldn't want to know, so I know exactly where you are coming from op. It turned me into the amazingly wonderful twisted and bitter individual I am today.

I think you're doing well to put your lower class practicality first, and bugger anyone who sneers - they haven't had to work for it have they. Everything you've got you worked for. New builds have a bad reputation for quality anyway.

I grew up on a council estate in the 80’s in an affluent city and went to a school where pretty much all of my friends lived in gorgeous, large, period houses. So I get where you’re coming from. Our house had concrete floors, no heating, damp and was pretty much a shit hole. Yes, I was embarrassed to invite friends back, I was young and I did feel ashamed. It’s a natural feeling to compare and contrast as a teenager. As an adult, I look back and think differently. My mother still lives there and despite everything that was wrong with it it was our home.
It’s not a question of whether YABU. You have to move on (and I mean emotionally rather than physically) for your own sanity.
It’s absolutely fine if you want a new build / detached / whatever; pursue your dreams and find a way to make it happen. Stop obsessing over how you are perceived. I could not give a damn whether my friends lives in a council estate, a terraced house or a mansion.
We live in a Victorian semi detached. Some of my daughter’s school friends have the most incredible detached mansions / houses / farms. Our house needs a lot of work! It is far from perfect. But - and without trying to sound sanctimonious - we are bloody lucky to own our own home. In the nicest possible way, you need to get some perspective on this. You’ve managed to get a mortgage. This is something many can’t even dream of...

I grew up on a council estate in a terrace house and totally get where you’re coming from. Going back to living on that estate or one like it would feel like a failure to me in terms of my own life path. I really don’t care if people think that makes me an arsehole though and I don’t think it makes you a bad person to feel the way you do. You should however feel really proud of yourself for owning your own home at this time in your life. That’s no easy task.

I think a lot of young people find it hard to get on the property ladder, so you have done well to do that. If you’re not happy though, you are in a good position to move house. I don't think you should feel bad about living in terraced houses. There’s a lot of poverty and homelessness in this country and many would give their right arm to have what you have. I understand we all have things that bother us but just enjoy what you have. You’re young and have plenty of time to fulfill your dreams.

I think it’s also a bit of an indicator how many people hear terrace and immediately think naice Victorian terrace and not 1960/70’s soulless boxes.